


Imperfection

by lechaton17



Series: Imperfection [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Adulthood, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, Long Lost Friends, M/M, Multi, Post-Voltron, Protective shiro, Rekindling, SHEITH - Freeform, Secrets, Set in U.S, Sickfic, all paladins will be mentioned/have scenes, mental health, more paladin family love, mostly keith and shiro though, not smut sorry, other characters will eventually show up, probably allurance, rated T mainly for language and alcohol, sad keith, slow-burn, supportive shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-10 11:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 48,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechaton17/pseuds/lechaton17
Summary: When Takashi Shirogane walked into a Seattle bar, the last person in the world he expected to see was Keith.When Keith Kogane walked into a Seattle bar to drown away his memories, the last person he expected to see was Shiro.It seems fate has brought them together yet again.For Shiro, it is a chance to find what had been missing in his life for long.For Keith, it is a chance to say goodbye.Five years ago, Keith left Shiro and the rest of his friends in the middle of the night without as much as a goodbye. When Shiro gets a new job in Seattle and wanders into a bar, he gets the shock of his life when he finds Keith sitting alone at the bar.Now Shiro and Keith try to fix their damaged relationship and learn to trust one another again.But it won’t be easy, especially when Keith has a battle of his own to fight.





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I've braved my fear of writing a Voltron future fic AU with angsty Keith and Shiro. 
> 
> This should be fun :)
> 
> Just for a heads up, I don't write sex or smut or any of that. So if that's what you are looking for, you won't find it here. 
> 
> Let me know what you think :D

So, this was it.

 

Takeshi Shirogane gazed around his new apartment, the realization that this new chapter in his life was really happening.

 

The apartment was rather charming. It was just the right size. Shiro had looked at several apartments in the area, but he’d really fallen in love with this one. The kitchen had enough space where he wouldn’t have to feel cramped every time he made a meal. It also had a balcony with a beautiful view of the city. Seattle was definitely going to be an adjustment for Shiro, but he was looking forward to living someplace new and different. He’d been living and working at the Garrison for so long, that a change felt like the most amazing thing in the world. Even if it was a little scary.

 

He’d been offered a teaching position at the University of Washington, working in their Aerospace program. Shiro had been surprised he actually got the position. He’d applied on a whim, one night as he sat alone wondering if his life was ever going to change. He’d fallen into a rut, as much as he’d enjoyed his time at the Garrison and the work he’d done there. He was just wanting something different. And then he got called for an interview, and then another interview, and then suddenly, he was picking up his life and buying a one way ticket to Seattle.

 

Shiro felt a weird sense of excitement and freedom, and so he grabbed his keys and decided to go explore his new home for a bit, and see what he could find.

 

He drove around for a while, listening to his music and allowing himself to get lost in the many streets and neighborhoods. He started making mental notes of shops or restaurants he came across, but soon he’d come across too many and he’d lost track of anything. He took a drive around the university campus, which was a little bit more familiar to him, having visited a few times already. He wondered what it would be like, teaching there. He’d taught at the Garrison, but that was completely different. Or at least, he assumed it was. He really didn’t know, but just the campus alone made Shiro feel like this was going to be a whole new adventure for him.

 

Once off campus, Shiro decided to park his car and walk around a bit. There were a lot of restaurants and bars, mostly geared towards the students of the college. He definitely came across a few he was interested in, and he’d have a lot of different lunch options available to him. Evening had fallen, though it was a summer weekday, and the university wasn’t in yet, so things were still pretty quiet. Shiro walked until he found a bar that looked the least club-like and decided to stop in and have a drink, to celebrate the start of a new chapter in his life.

 

There were only a couple other people in the bar. The lights were dim, and the hum of an old rock song played over the radio. There was another man seated at the bar; he had untidy dark hair that shielded his face, his hands gripping his beer glass as if it was his lifesaver. Shiro sat a few seats down from him, and ordered a drink for himself.

 

“I haven’t seen you before,” the bartender said as he pushed a glass of beer towards Shiro. “I feel like I would remember you.”

 

Shiro chuckled. “I’m new in town. I just got a job here.”

 

“And you came here?” The bartender laughed. “Well, kudos to you. This bar’s been here for years, but they keep building them new dance clubs for the kids, so most the people who come in here these days are loyal regulars. Or confused, drunk kids.”

 

Shiro smiled. “Well I’ll be working at the university,” he said. “So I might be in here a lot.”

 

“Ah, a professor.” The barman nodded. “Well, stop by anytime. It’s not so noisy and crowded here, and I’m a good listener if you need one. Just ask Keith here, I’m pretty sure I’m his only friend.”

 

The name alone was enough to tug at Shiro’s heart, but it was nothing compared to the voice that spoke from the beneath the untidy dark hair.

 

“Shut up, Jerry.”

 

Shiro’s breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t heard that voice in so long, but he remembered it as clear as day. He’d wanted to hear it again for so long, after all. It sent a strange warmth in his stomach, and he realized how much his heart had craved the voice of one person.

 

“Keith?” he asked tentatively.

 

Shiro saw the man grip his beer so tightly his knuckles went white. For a moment he didn’t move. Slowly he raised his head, his hair falling away from his face, the scar across his face coming into view, the dark eyes finding Shiro’s face and widening in shock.

 

_

 

Keith Kogane had been living in Seattle the last five years.

 

He’d travelled around a bit, and when he found the city, he’d decided that was where he was going to stay. It was crowded and rather gloomy, but at the same time, completely perfect. It was what he had needed, after he left his friends and family behind in the middle of the night, without a word of where he was going or how to contact him.

 

He’d run away without even saying goodbye.

 

It’d been an awful thing to do, and he knew it. He knew that it had to have hurt his friends and family. He knew how much it had hurt him. But he had felt like he had to do it. And once he walked out the door, he’d known that there was no way that he could possibly ever go back. He’d made his choice.

 

So he traveled for a while. He’d spent time in different states, different cities, different climates. He hadn’t been sure of what he was looking for, but eventually he made it to the far corner of the Northwest U.S., and he decided he was ready to stop. He was ready to stop running, and start building.

 

So, he did. He got a small apartment in a not great part of town. It was the best he could find without breaking the bank. He worked a couple of small jobs that hadn’t been enjoyable and didn’t last long. Just when he was starting to realize he’d probably made a colossal mistake running away like he had, he met a guy looking for a mechanic in his auto shop, and Keith decided to go with it. And he still worked there today. He liked working with his hands. He was able to get absorbed in his work and not think too hard. It made the time to by quickly, and he made enough money to get by without worrying.

 

However, he’s started to feel like he’d needed something more. So after a few months of working at the shop, he’d started volunteering with at-risk kids in his neighborhood. Basically all he did was play basketball or let himself get destroyed by video games in the rec center, but he had loved every second of it.

 

His life wasn’t glamorous. An he really didn’t have any friends, aside from his boss and the bartender at his favorite bar. But, it was enough.

 

At least, that’s what Keith told himself.

 

He often thought about his friends, his family, the life he had left behind at the Garrison. He wondered how people were doing. He wondering what kind of work had been done. He wondered how much things had changed. He wondered if anyone missed him.

 

When he thought about it too much, he’d go to the bar, and he’d drink. He’d drink until he didn’t have to think about it anymore.

 

That was exactly what he was doing that Tuesday night, as he sat alone at the bar and stared into his beer glass. He’d been so lost in trying to quiet his own memories that he hadn’t paid any attention to the man that took a seat a few stools down from him, or even listen to Jerry as he talked to the man.

 

But then the man said his name. The voice, saying his name. He’d heard it many times before. He’d dreamt about it. He’d treasured it. He’d hated it.

 

Keith turned, his whole body frozen in fear, in excitement, in disbelief. There, in that small Seattle bar, sat Takeshi Shirogane, looking at Keith with a mix of shock and…perhaps, hope.

 

And that was when everything changed for them both.


	2. Chapter One: The Spark

In life, there are moments where time just stops. One minute everything is normal; everything is what you expect it to be and you're oblivious. But then, something happens. A phone call. A sound. A familiar face appears. And your world just stops. Your breath catches in your lungs; your body goes numb. But worst of all your brain just can't comprehend. Your brain can't accept that phone call, or sound, or familiar face, and it's like your stuck in glue, trying to comprehend what has happened. 

Keith can't move. He can't breathe. This can't be happening. Of all the people, in all the places, after everything he's gone through- there was no way, no way in HELL that Shiro, his Shiro, was sitting a mere two feet away from him. 

Keith's first instinct was to run. Fight or flight response. He wanted to run, to turn his back on Shiro and pretend this had never happened. He could run and make sure that Shiro would never find him again. That felt easy. He wouldn't have to answer any questions. He wouldn't have to see that haunting look in Shiro's eyes. He had dropped his life like it was nothing before. Keith had become a master of running away. 

But there was another part of him, who wanted nothing more than to run straight into Shiro's arms and never let go. All the fear, the pain, the uncertainty, the loneliness- all the terrible things he'd felt and had to suffer with on his own the past few years, they could all go away. Shiro's arms around him would be enough to dull the ache in his heart that was always there, reminding him that he was alone. Keith had been alone for so long, just longing for the love and embrace of those who he had loved; those who he had left. 

But he didn't deserve that love. Keith knew that. He was selfish for even thinking of it. 

"Keith?" Shiro said again, Jerry the bartender looking awkwardly between them. Keith had to say something. He couldn't run. He wasn't sure his legs would carry him. 

"Sh-Shiro," he managed, his voice shaking. How young he sounded; like the lonely, unloved boy Shiro had met all those years ago. 

"I-" Shiro struggled to speak as well. He was struggling just like Keith was. "Is- it's really you? You're...."

Shiro just gazed at him, looking at him like he was something fascinating. Perhaps he was fascinating to Shiro; they hadn't seen each other in years, after all. Shiro looked pretty much the same as the day that Keith left, he realized. He was still built, he still had the same haircut, the same robotic arm. He looked older, perhaps. There were lines on his face that hadn't been there before. But somehow it suited him well. 

Keith knew he looked like shit. He'd been at the shop all day and hadn't bothered really cleaning up before stopping in the bar. His clothes had oil stains and his nails look permanently dirty. His hair probably looked like a tangled mess, and he needed a shave. This definitely wasn't the way he wanted Shiro to see him. But he really hadn't wanted Shiro to ever see him. 

Keith stood up abruptly, his legs remembering how to work. Yeah, there was no way in hell he could do this. He threw a twenty down on the bar and turned away, but Shiro was up just as quickly, grabbing his arm. 

"No, please," Shiro told him, sounding desperate. "Don't...don't go."

Keith's throat burned. Shiro was pleading him, and his heart couldn't take it. If it had been any of the others- Lance, Hunk, Pidge- he would have been able to run out the door. But not Shiro. Shiro had a grip on Keith's heart that none of the others ever had. 

They stood there a moment, Keith's back turned, Shiro holding his arm, and a small, hopeful part of Keith's brain spoke to him. 

_Maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is happening for a reason. Maybe this is exactly what I need._

Keith turned, and Shiro let go of him. Slowly, Keith made his way to a booth in the corner, giving them as much privacy as they could get. Shiro followed. They slid into a booth opposite one another, and simply stared at each other for a minute. 

"It's really you," Shiro whispered, and Keith just nodded, unsure of what to say. "What...how...." Shiro shook his head, exhaling deeply. "I'm sorry, it's just...hard for me. I...I thought...I thought you were dead."

Guilt bubbled in Keith's stomach, making him feel sick. "No," he whispered. "I'm alive. I've been...I've been here for five years."

Shiro just stared at him. 

What do you say, in a moment like that? What do you say when you are sitting across from the one person you love more than anyone in this world? What do you say, knowing the pain and fear and anger you have caused them? There was nothing Keith could say or do to make what he did right. There was nothing that would excuse him for his actions. Keith had made peace with the idea that he would hate himself for as long as he lived for what he'd put Shiro through. And that had been enough. He thought that had been enough. 

But sitting there in that booth, he hated himself more than he ever had in his life. 

"I woke up and you were gone," Shiro whispered, clenching his fists. "No note. No goodbye. No explanation. You were just gone."

Keith looked at him, right in the eyes. Shiro was holding back. Keith could see the pain, the hurt, the anger in his eyes. 

_Five years ago_

_Shiro woke up, groaning at the sun peeking through the curtains. He'd barely felt like he had fallen asleep at all, and already it was morning. Yawning, he swung his feet over the bed and stretched. It started as such a normal day, and he had no idea that it would be the day that changed his life forever._

_He went about his morning routine; he jumped in the shower, got dressed, and checked his messages. Nothing stood out to him, or warned him. The world hadn't stopped turning. He didn't feel a part of him missing._

_Not yet._

_Yawning some more, he made his way out of his suite and down the hall. He needed his coffee. Every morning, he had coffee with Team Voltron.  They would all meet up and shared their love of caffeine, and allow themselves a few moments before their day got too busy to catch up with one another. They really didn't get to hang out like they used to. Everything had just been too busy, as they were both trying to rebuild Earth as well as continue making alliances throughout the universe. That short time in the morning felt like the only thing keeping Shiro together on some days. The presence of his friends-his family- gave him the strength to face another day head-on._

_Usually, Keith was the first one there. Shiro would arrive next, followed by Hunk, Allura, Coran, Pidge, and then finally, Lance. It was so routine to Shiro, that when he arrived in their break room and Keith wasn't there, Shiro immediately felt like something had to be wrong._

_His first thought was that perhaps Keith was sick. He'd been quieter than normal the past couple days, and if he had been coming down with something, he wouldn't have told any of them. Shiro waited a couple minutes, and by the time Hunk arrived, he knew he had to at least go check on Keith._

_"No Keith?" Hunk asked, as Shiro stood up from the table where he sat._

_"I'm going to check on him," Shiro replied, and walked back out of the break room, making his way to Keith's door. He knocked a couple of times with no answer._

_"Keith?" he called. "Are you alright?"_

_No answer._

_Shiro tried the doorknob. It was unlocked. He pushed the door open, and was met with a sight he hadn't expected to see._

_Keith's room was empty, and clean, as if unoccupied. The bed was made, there were no photos on the wall or clothes thrown on the floor._

_It was as if Keith had never been there in the first place._

"You were just gone," Shiro said, looking at Keith across the bar table. "You didn't even say goodbye."

Keith wrung his hands, looking at Shiro as if he were about to cry. "I know," Keith said. "I'm...I'm sorry."

"You're...sorry." Shiro took a deep breath. He didn't want to get angry. He couldn't scare Keith away. "You've been here in Seattle all this time?"

Keith nodded slowly. "I...traveled for a few months before settling here, and I've been here ever since."

"Oh." Shiro didn't know how to talk to him. He had so many questions, so many things he'd wanted to say. Over the years, he'd imagined this very moment. He'd imagine the day where he would magically see Keith again, and he's imagined what he would say. He had iplayed it out it many ways; crying and hugging him, yelling and punching in square in the face, even that they'd just fall into old habits like nothing had ever happened.

But a lot had happened.

This lost, confused, hurt feeling was worse. It was worse than all the scenarios he'd imagined in his head.

"Did you even...did you even care?" Shiro asked, and he felt the old tears that always used to plague him threatening to return. "About us? About me?"

Keith looked down a moment. "Of course I did." When he spoke, his voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper. "I always have. I still do."

Keith looked up at him again, and there was so much pain in his eyes. Shiro forgot his own anger and hurt for a moment. He just wanted to take Keith in his arms and steal his pain away.

But he didn't.

"I never meant to hurt you," Keith told him, and Shiro couldn't help but believe him. "I know that I did. I knew even then that it would hurt you. But...but I did it anyway. Not because I wanted to leave you, but....because I felt like I had to."

"Why?" Shiro asked him, desperately craving answers.

Keith shook his head. "Because at the time, I believed staying there would hurt you more."

"What-?" Shiro started, but Keith stood up, and Shiro knew he wasn't getting any more answers tonight.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Keith said, his voice raw. "I need...I need air. I need...." His voiced trailed off.

"Don't leave me again,' Shiro begged him. As angry as a part of him was, he also was desperate to hold on to Keith, afraid that if he left, he'd disappear again, and Shiro couldn't handle losing him twice.

A single tear escaped Keith's eye. He wiped it, embarrassed, and pulled a business card out of his jacket and threw it down on the table. "This is where I work," he said. "I'm off at 4 p.m. tomorrow. Meet me there."

Shiro took the card, holding onto it like it was his lifeline. "Okay."  

Shiro watched as Keith turned and walked out of the bar, and he didn't trying to stop him. He could only pray that he hadn't made a mistake in letting him leave. 


	3. Chapter Two: Answers

Shiro's alarm went off, but he was already awake. He'd been lying awake all night, unable to be released into peaceful sleep. 

He turned off the horrid beeping and sat up. It was cloudy out today, a light drizzle falling from the sky. From what Shiro had heard about Seattle, this was something he'd get used to. Shiro stood out on his balcony, in just the short's he'd slept in, and let the mist hit him in the face. He was due to be at the university in a couple hours, and he needed to get his shit together. 

But Keith. Keith, Keith, _Keith._ He was the only thing on Shiro's mind. He was emotionally exhausted from the way his brain was trying to comprehend the fact that Keith was alive, and well, and living in the same city as Shiro. One moment Shiro was relieved. Keith was alive, and that alone was something. Shiro really had begun to believe that Keith must be dead. There could be no other explanation as to why he'd been able to disappear for so long, and not a single person had heard from him. 

And then Shiro was angry. He was angry, because Keith had left. Keith had left, without the decency of a goodbye, or warning, or a phone number, or anything. Keith had let Shiro worry countless nights, picturing Keith alone, hurt, or dead. He let Shiro believe that Keith must not have really cared about anyone other than himself. 

And then, Shiro was sad. Keith had been alive, all this time. He'd been alive and too afraid to reach out. Shiro had seen the pain in Keith's eyes last night, and he knew that there was more to the story. 

There had to be. 

And finally, Shiro began to hope. He hoped this was the universe granting them a second chance. This would be the chance for Shiro to get that part of his heart that had been missing for so long. Perhaps, he could finally feel whole again. Maybe Keith, too, needed to feel whole again. 

There was no other explanation as to why they both ended up in the bar yesterday. It was more than a miracle. It had to be fate. 

Shiro jumped in the shower as his coffee brewed, trying to pull himself together the best he could. He couldn't let what happened with Keith distract him from his job. He needed this job, if he wanted to stay here in Seattle. Where Keith was. 

Shiro pulled on a button down shirt, paired it with some black slacks and his favorite tie, which had been a gift from Hunk a couple Christmases ago. He had terrible bags under his eyes, but there wasn't much he could do about that. He combed his air and drank his coffee, scrolling through his phone. He had messages from Allura, Hunk, and Pidge, all asking him how he was settling in. He wrote back to each of them in turn, letting him know how much he loved the new place and city. He burned with the desire to tell them about Keith; he felt like he needed to talk to someone about it. But he also knew he couldn't. It would have to be Keith's secret to share, not his. Not yet, at least. 

Shiro forced himself to eat some breakfast, and by the time he was ready to leave, he at least looked a little bit more awake. He felt inside his pocket for the business card that Keith had given him the night before. If it hadn't been for that card in his pocket, Shiro probably would have believed that the whole encounter had been some incredibly vivid dream. 

* * *

 

Keith felt like shit. 

He'd finally fallen asleep around 4 am, his body and mind exhausted from meeting Shiro the night before. But when he had finally fallen asleep, all he could dream about was Shiro. Shiro, being unable to forgive him. Shiro, telling him he was selfish and would never be loved. 

Keith dragged himself out of bed, and realized with a jolt he only had a few minutes before he had to leave for work. He took the quickest shower of his life, threw on the same clothes he had worn yesterday, and basically ran out the door, with only a headache and a desperate need for more sleep. 

His boss was an older man by the name Ralph Roberts. Mr. Roberts had owned his own auto shop for over thirty years. For years he had manned the shop himself, but as he'd gotten older, he had to start relying on others to help him. Only Keith and one other mechanic worked at the shop; a guy named Eric, who Keith only tolerated because he had to. Eric was pretty much an asshole but he did damn good work, so Keith couldn't blame Mr. Roberts for keeping him around. However, when Keith arrived at the shop that morning, it took all the patience left inside him to ignore Eric when he looked Keith up and down with a sneer. 

"Keith," Mr. Roberts said when he saw Keith had arrived. He looked at the clock on the wall; Keith had raced to get there, but had still been a few minutes late. 

"I know, I'm sorry," Keith said tiredly before his boss could say anything else. "I overslept on accident."

"No worries, Keith," Eric said loudly. "I was here early enough to get everything set up for you."

Keith ignored him. Eric had a way of saying things that may sound nice to some people, but Keith knew Eric well enough by now that Eric never said things out of the niceness of his heart.

Mr. Roberts studied him a moment. "Come in to my office, Keith," he said. "Eric will be fine out here by himself for a few minutes. The first appointment's running a bit late."

Keith glared at Eric as he followed their boss towards the back of the building where Mr. Robert's office was. Eric made sure to give Keith another sneer before Keith turned away.

"Have a seat," Mr. Roberts said as he closed the door to his little office. It was overly cluttered in there, with boxes upon boxes stacked on top of one another and papers covering every inch of every surface. Keith sat down on the opposite side of the desk, and Mr. Roberts settled himself in his own chair. Now in his early seventies, Mr. Roberts looked tired and sad as he sat across from Keith, studying his mechanic's face. Keith hated how his boss was so good at simply reading people, and pointedly looked away, hoping with every fiber of his being he wasn't about to get fired.

"Keith," Mr. Roberts finally said, "it isn't like you to be late."

"I know," Keith replied flatly. "I told you, I overslept. I didn't mean for it to happen. It won't happen again."

"I'm not worried about that, boy," Mr. Roberts said, shooing the idea away with his hands. "I'm worried about you."

"Me?" Keith said at once, his defenses going up. "I'm fine."

Mr. Roberts sighed, folding his hands on his desk. "Look, Keith. I've known you for a while now. You've been an amazing employee from the moment I hired you. Maybe not the most talkative, but I could see from the moment that I met you that you had a desire to work, and to do your work well. And you always have."

"Okay," Keith said slowly, wondering where this was leading. 

"I know it's been a few months," Mr. Roberts continued carefully, "and I know it's a touchy subject for you, but I'm beginning to worry about your health."

Keith's stomach turned and stood up, his fists clenched at his sides. "I'm fine, Mr. Roberts. I told you you didn't need to worry about it."

"I know that's what you said, Keith, but I can see that it's starting to affect you-"

"So I'll work harder," Keith said at once. "If you think I'm slacking, I'lll work harder. I'll come earlier. Just please, Mr. Roberts. I need this job."

"Keith, I'm not about to fire you," Mr. Roberts said incredulously. "I was just saying that maybe-"

"There isn't anything left that needs to be said." Keith pushed in his chair. "I'll go help Eric finish getting everything ready. I won't be late again."

Without another word, Keith left the tiny office, leaving his worried looking boss sitting alone at his desk. 

* * *

"So this will be your office," the department head, a woman by the name of Brandes said, opening the door to Shiro's new office and letting him inside.

It was small, but workable. There was a desk and computer, and behind the desk was a window that overlooked a courtyard. Shiro appreciated the view. Good views were always a weakness of his.

"I know it's not much," Brandes said, watching Shiro as he looked out the window. "But I hope you'll find yourself comfortable here."

"It's great," Shiro said honestly, and she smiled.

"So these are for you." She handed him a couple files. "We only gave you a couple classes to start with, so you can get a feel for things. Your student rosters and required class objectives are listed in there, as well as textbooks approved by the department. Of course you have some room to be creative with your lesson plans, but you want to hit all the class objectives listed. Be warned, undergraduate classes can be quite the challenge, as class sizes can be large. Remember to keep that in mind."

"Thank you," Shiro said, glancing over the files quickly. He really needed to start putting thought into how he wanted to teach. He definitely wanted to make a good impression on his bosses.

Brandes studied him. "I'm quite excited to have you with us, Shirogane. I've been watching your work for some time. You're young, but you definitely have some impressive feats under your belt. I feel like you'll be able to connect well with your students, and bring something new to the curriculum."

Shiro smiled, a bit embarrassed by the praise. It also made him a little stressed, feeling the added pressure to prove himself to the already high standards they had for him. "Thank you," he said earnestly. "I'm looking forward to the opportunity. I'm really excited for the semester to start."

"I wish I could say the same," she sighed, but grinned. "I'll leave you be, now. I'm always here if you have any questions. You have a phone list on the desk, and it has everyone's emails as well. Welcome to the UW, Shirogane."

"Thank you again," he said, shaking her hand. She gave him one last smile, and then left him alone in his office.

Shiro stayed there a couple of hours, getting logged into his computer and looking through the courses he'd be teaching. They were both 100 level classes, which was a bit stressful for him to think about, but he didn't let it get to him. He still had about three weeks before the semester stated, but he knew that he'd be working like crazy to get everything together and ready in time. He did a bit of research on the class subjects and textbooks, finally at least choosing which texts he thought were best, and sent out mass emails to his students introducing himself. After all that was done, he realized it was already 3:30, and he needed to hurry if he wanted to meet Keith like they had planned. So, he gathered his things, said goodbye to those he met in the hall, and headed to his car, his heart beating rather quickly as he typed the address to Roberts' Auto Shop into his phone.

* * *

 

 Keith scrubbed his hands and splashed water on his face. They had just closed the garage for the day, and he was exhausted. He looked awful, too, which was just great, since Shiro was probably out there waiting for him. Keith sighed, drying off his hands and face with a towel. The day had passed quickly, and Keith had been able to get lost in his work. Now that the day was over, however, he realized how exhausted-and hungry- he was.

He waved goodbye to Mr. Roberts, who he'd been avoiding as much as possible all day. Mr. Roberts raised a hand in farewell, a little frown on his face. When Keith got outside, he found Shiro waiting for him outside, leaning against his car. He looked sharp, dressed in a tie and dress clothes, making Keith feel even more disgusting. But Shiro offered a smile when he saw Keith, and Keith returned it.

"A mechanic, huh?" Shiro asked as Keith joined him. "Hunk would be excited to hear that."

Keith's heart squeezed painfully at the mention of his old friend. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "I know a good place not far from here. I haven't eaten all day."

"Yeah, I am, actually," Shiro said. "Uh...you can get in, I can drive. I need to learn my way around still."

Keith shifted uncomfortably. "Um...yeah, okay."

They both got into the car, the tension a bit thick. "You can turn left out of here," Keith told Shiro, and Shiro just nodded. He pulled out onto the road and cleared his throat.

"So how'd you get the job? The mechanic shop?" Shiro asked him.

"I actually met the owner at Jerry's bar," Keith replied. "I was having a hard time, and I had a bit too much to drink, and I ended up spilling all my problems on the poor guy. But Mr. Roberts happened to be in need of a pair of hands, and I happened to be unemployed and willing to work so, he hired me. He's a good guy, Mr. Roberts. His wife died last year, but every year they'd invite me over for Christmas dinner to make sure I wasn't alone. Turn left again up here at the light."

Shiro was quiet for a moment. "I'm...I'm glad you have someone looking out for you. Do you have any other friends? Are you seeing anyone?"

Keith snorted, and then felt embarrassed. "Ah, no. I pretty much just keep to myself."

A little smile was on Shiro's lips. "I guess you haven't changed much."

Keith didn't reply. He hadn't changed much, but at the same time, he felt nothing like the person he used to be.

"It's up here. On the right, past the light. Blue sign."

Shiro pulled in to the small parking lot. They were at one of Keith's favorite little restaurants. They mostly served seafood, and Keith had tried almost everything on the menu at this point. He liked the owner as well. He would always throw in something extra for Keith every time he stopped by to pick up lunch.

Keith was greeted with waves by the staff as he led Shiro to his regular table in the back. Shiro looked rather amused as they took a seat. "You seem to know everyone, it feels like."

Keith shrugged. "I've lived here a while now."

"Hm." Shiro looked over the menu. "What do you recommend?"

"Well, there isn't anything I don't recommend, though I usually go with one of the pastas myself."

"Hi, Keith," one of the waitresses, Marla said, looking Shiro up and down as she sat glasses of water down in front of them. "Who's your friend?"

"Takeshi Shirogane," Shiro said, offering his hand. "But you can call me Shiro. I just moved here."

"Oh, hello," she replied, batting her eyelashes, making Keith roll his eyes. "Nice to meet you. Can I get you anything else to start?"

"Coffee," Keith said clearly, and Marla forced a smile at him and said, "Sure thing."

Shiro chuckled as she walked away. "I don't think she appreciated that."

"Oh well."

Shiro sat his menu down. "So, I got a job at the UW. I'm teaching classes there."

"Oh, wow," Keith said, and then realized how unimpressed he sounded. "That's...that's really awesome," he said with a bit more enthusiasm. "I guess that makes sense why you're here. But...why are you here? What made you apply there?"

Shiro shrugged. "I was just bored one night and came across the job listing. I thought, what the hell. And I did it. and now, here I am."

"Huh." Keith wasn't sure what to say to that. Marla came and poured them some coffee. Keith took a big gulp of it, the bitter black liquid scorching his throat. "So...how...." He gulped. "How are the others?"

"They're good," Shiro said, and then softened. "They're all doing really great, actually. Pidge is leading her own exploration projects now, alongside her brother. They kind of have taken over their dad's work, and added so much more to it. They've made some really amazing discoveries. Everyone's really proud of her."

Keith smiled.

"Hunk is still Hunk," Shiro chuckled. "He still makes the best dinners, and he's still doing mechanical work at the Garrison. He's actually the best damned mechanic in the place, if I say so myself. And Allura and Lance are married, of course-"

Keith choked on his coffee. "Wh-what?"

Shiro handed him a napkin. "Ah, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting how much you don't know. They've been married a couple years already, though it kind of feels like it's always been that way."

Keith cleared his throat, cleaning up the coffee he split. "Yeah, I can see that, I guess." He kept his eyes down on the table.

"Can I ask," Shiro started, sounding a bit nervous, " what you meant yesterday, when you said...that you felt like you had to leave?"

Keith was saved from answering by Marla coming over to take their food orders. It gave Keith a moment to pull himself together a bit, and try to form an answer. When Marla left, Shiro was watching him, waiting.

"It's hard to explain," Keith said, though it seemed like an understatement. "I had started to feel...disconnected from the rest of the team. I had started to feel like I didn't belong. And then, I started to feel like I was in the way. I started to feel like a burden. The thoughts kind of escalated slowly, until I felt like it was eating me alive. I started to believe it. And then I started thinking about how much better you all would be if...I wasn't around anymore."

Shiro just gazed at him, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"One night," Keith continued, staring into his coffee, "The thoughts got so bad, so overwhelming, I realized that I had to do something. I had to change something. I thought about going to you, and talking about it. I even...."Keith swallowed at the memory. "I stood outside your bedroom door, but I couldn't bring myself to knock. All I couldn't think about was how selfish I was being, waking you up in the middle of the night to deal with my stupid problems when you already worked so hard every day. So I didn't knock. I turned around, went back to my room, and packed all my things. I knew that if I left, I'd have to disappear. I couldn't let you find me, or I would have left for nothing. And I really believed it was better for everyone if I just left. So...so I did. I left, and I never turned back."

Shiro was silent. He looked troubled as he processed Keith's words. "I wanted to go back," Keith whispered. He'd never spoken these words out loud to anyone, and now they were spilling out of him. "But I really believed that I couldn't. I thought it would just be easier that way, to make a clean break. And then, well, you pretty much know the rest. I travelled around a bit, sleeping wherever I could, until I ended up here. And then I stayed, got my own place, a job. And I've just been living my day to day life ever since."

"Don't...don't you get lonely?" Shiro asked, his voice full of concern, making Keith's heart twist painfully.

"All the time," Keith said, a sad smile on his face. "But...." He just shrugged. What he had wanted to say was that he'd believed that he deserved it. He believed that being alone was his punishment for never being good enough.

Shiro was quiet for a long time, but Keith didn't mind. He sipped his coffee, realizing that he heart felt a little bit lighter, after all this time. He'd finally said the words out loud. And it had been sort of liberating, after holding it in for all that time.

Their dinners arrived, and they ate in silence. Shiro didn't speak until he was halfway through his pasta.

"I wish you would have knocked on my door," he said.

Keith realized how much he'd wanted to hear those words. "So do I," he admitted. "But I didn't."

"But you didn't," Shiro repeated.

They finished the rest of their meal.

* * *

 Shiro pulled his car into the Autoshop's parking lot and turned it off. There was an awkward moment of silence, where both he and Keith just sat  there, unsure of what to say to one another.

"Well," Keith said at last, reaching for the door handle, "I hope you enjoyed the food."

"Keith, wait." Shiro reached out and grabbed Keith's other hand. Keith looked down, but didn't pull away. "I'm not going to pretend that what you did didn't hurt me, because it did. And I won't deny that part of me is angry with you. But...." Shiro took a deep breath. "I'm here now, and you're here now. And I've missed you, Keith, so much. I don't want to lose you again."

Keith's hand twitched underneath Shiro's. "Okay," he replied uncertainly.

"Can we...start over?" Shiro asked him, looking into Keith's eyes.

Keith looked back at him. Shiro could see the longing in Keith's eyes.

"I'd like that," Keith whispered, and then he smiled. He opened the car door. "Do you still have that business card I gave you?"

Shiro fished the card out of his pocket. Keith took it, and grabbed a pen from his pocket. "This is my number," he told Shiro as he scribbled it down. "You can call me or text me, whatever. I'm off Thursdays and Sundays, so."

Shiro took the card back and pocketed it. He smiled.

"Thank you, for dinner. It was amazing. And thank you...for telling me the truth."

Keith squeezed Shiro's hand before he let it go. "Thanks for listening."

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 3: New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! 
> 
> I wanted to give a shout out to those of you who are reading! I'm truly excited to write this story, and have a lot of things planned out already. It's a little disheartening for me that not many are reading it, but those of you who are really help make me excited to write more. 
> 
> Thank you so much if you've been commenting or leaving kudos! I have a lot going on IRL right now and this story has been my little escape. Reading your comments helps me so much! <3

Shiro stood on his balcony, staring out at the twinkling lights of the city. The air was pleasant, and the constant drizzle had stopped for now. Shiro was exhausted, but his mind was racing non-stop. Leaving his old life behind and moving to a new city and new job had been jarring enough. Finding the one person he'd never expected, but always wished for, was another thing all together.

Shiro couldn't decide how he felt about Keith. He was, of course, relieved more than anything. Keith was alive, and taking care of himself. He maybe wasn't living a perfect life, but he was getting by. He had a job and a roof over his head. Shiro was thankful for that small miracle, after his years of wondering and worrying about what had happened to Keith. Fear of the unknown had been an awful thing. 

And then there was the fact that he had basically forgiven Keith and asked him if they could start over. Had he really forgiven Keith? Would it really be that easy just to start over? Shiro wanted it to be easy. He wanted to be able to just forgive Keith and move on. But he knew it wouldn't be that easy. But he couldn't deny that part of him that just wanted to hold on to Keith no matter what. Shiro was just too afraid of losing him again. He'd survived without Keith these past few years. He'd still gotten up in the morning and went to work and lived his life. But it had been hard. There were days when his friends had to pull him out of bed. There were days when he'd snap at people for no reason. There were days when he just felt this unbearable loneliness, when he'd make a comment and then look for Keith's reaction and realize that Keith was no longer there. 

Shiro sighed, taking a swig of beer, trying to forget those feelings. 

He had to remember, after all, that Keith had left in a moment of desperation. He'd left because his own mind had let him believe that he had been unwanted. This wasn't hard for Shiro to believe. He'd seen it in Keith when they first met. He'd seen it in Keith even when they worked together with Voltron.  A clone of Shiro himself had yelled at Keith that he broken and worthless, knowing exactly what to say to hurt Keith the most. 

Shiro clenched the bottle in his hand. Though Shiro knew that it hadn't really been him to say those words, the memories were still there in his head. They had haunted him endlessly. Shiro had vowed to always be there for Keith and believe in him, and Shiro had failed miserably at it. 

Maybe he didn't deserve to be angry at Keith for leaving. Maybe it was his failures in the first place that had led to Keith feeling the way he had. Why else would Keith have stood outside his door but been unable to knock? He hadn't been able to rely on Shiro, as much as he had wanted to. And Keith had left them, believing they would all be happier with him gone, living alone without anyone for all these years. 

Shiro went back inside, throwing the empty beer bottle away and flopping over on his bed.This really was his second chance. He could make up for all the times he'd messed up in the past. He could be there for Keith now. He could make this right. 

Shiro closed his eyes, and almost instantly was asleep. 

* * *

 

Shiro was awoken the next morning by his phone buzzing. He woke with a start, confused as he looked around his room, clothes crumpled from sleeping in them. The sun was out today, peering through the window. He jumped up and found his phone; Pidge was calling him on video chat. He ran his fingers through his hair quickly and answered.

"Hey, Pidge," he said, his voice still rough with sleep. 

She looked at him over the phone, raising an eyebrow. "Did I wake you?"

"Ah-no," he said, finding his coffee in the kitchen cabinet. "Well, yes, actually, but it's okay. I needed to be up."

She smirked at him. "Did you sleep in your suit? What, did you get drunk last night?"

"No!" he said at once. "I was just exhausted. You know, I moved, started a new job...." _Found Keith_. "It's just been a lot."

She frowned. "Are you okay?"

He smiled reassuringly. "I'm fine. I'm just getting adjusted is all. It's a big change."

"Well, do you like it so far?"

He started the coffee pot. "Yes," he said, stifling a yawn. "Finally getting things situated at the university. I just need to get my lesson plans done for the upcoming semester. I'm going to be working non stop on these next couple weeks."

"Well, that's good," she replied with a smile. "I'm sure you'll do great. Have you made any friends?"

He smiled awkwardly. "No, not yet. I've only been here a couple days."

"Yeah, but everyone loves you."

He chuckled. "I miss you guys."

"We miss you too. I'll have to call later when the others are around. I guess I should let you go, and wake up and all."

"Okay," he replied. "Thanks for calling, Pidge. Tell everyone I said hi."

"Will do. Take care, Shiro."

"You too."

Shiro felt a little pang of loneliness when she hung up. He really did miss them all. They'd been friends for a long time, now. 

The coffee finally finished, and he poured himself a cup. He took the cup and his phone out on the balcony, the morning sun warming him. He smiled, his loneliness already ebbing away. Keith was here, after all. 

He looked at his phone and realized it was Thursday, one of the days Keith was off. He knew they'd just seen each other last night, but Shiro hoped Keith would be up to meeting up again. 

_Hey, It's Shiro. Do you have any lunch plans? I'm heading to campus soon, we can meet up there later if you want._

Shiro drank the rest of his coffee before Keith replied. 

_Hey, sorry I'm not feeling well today. Maybe tomorrow, after work?_

Shiro frowned. Keith had seemed fine last night. Was he lying? Was he already pulling away?

_Sure, that's fine. You okay?_

Again, Keith didn't reply right away. Shiro had already headed inside and was getting ready to shower when he received his reply. 

_Yeah, I'll be fine. See you tomorrow._

* * *

 Keith woke up the next morning, groggy from sleeping so much the day before. His head was still pounding from the migraine he'd had, but it was much better than yesterday. He lay in bed a few minutes, trying to convince himself to get up and moving. He definitely didn't want to be late for work again, not after telling Mr. Roberts he'd work extra hard. His phone buzzed, and he had another message from Shiro. 

_Good morning. Feeling better today?_

Keith couldn't help but smile. Shiro was always the worrier. 

_Much better. Meet me here tonight, if you still want to._  

He sent him an address to one of his favorite pizza places, located in Pike's Place. He wasn't sure how much exploring Shiro had been able to do, and figured Pike's Place was one of those places everyone wanted to go. 

_Sounds good. 6pm okay?_

_That's fine._

Keith groaned and forced himself out of bed. At least he had something to look forward to today. It wasn't often that he'd had things to look forward to. 

Laying in bed all day had given him plenty of time to think about Shiro, and what him being here now meant. And Keith realized how truly happy he actually was that Shiro was here. He'd spent the past few years alone, too afraid to ever get close to anyone. He'd kept his head low and just made it through each day. But being with Shiro had awakened something inside of him. The part of him that had come to be when he was with Voltron. The Keith who had begun building relationships and started trusting others. The part of himself who had realized how much it meant to have people you care about, and have people care about you. The part of himself he had lost when he walked out of the Garrison all those years ago. He was beginning to truly realize how much he had missed and longed for his friends these past five years. 

Shiro was here now, and Keith wanted nothing more than to try and fix the bond he had broken when he'd decided to walk out of Shiro's life that day. 

Filled with a fresh determination, Keith got ready for the day, ignoring the remnants of his migraine, focusing instead on the fact that he would be able to hang out with Shiro in just a few more hours. He walked into work with a smile and a wave to his boss, right on time. Mr. Roberts smiled back, and Keith felt good. 

* * *

 Keith was already there waiting for Shiro when he finally arrived, running a bit late. He hadn't driven in this part of town yet, and even with his GPS he'd gotten turned around. Keith was waiting, hands tucked into his jacket pockets and looking at his feet. He looked up at Shiro as he approached, and Shiro could see that Keith hadn't thought Shiro was going to show up. His face looked so sad, but just for a moment. He saw Shiro and he smiled, making his face light up. 

"Sorry I'm late," Shiro apologized. "I got a little lost."

"It's fine," Keith said quickly. "I probably should have offered to pick you up. I wasn't sure if you' been down here yet or not."

"I haven't," Shiro answered as Keith started walking. 

"The best time to come is the morning, if you want the full Market experience," Keith told him. "But it can get crazy and overcrowded at times. There's a lot of cool little restaurants and cafes around here, though. A lot of places close down early but a few of them are open late. Especially if they serve alcohol."

"Maybe we can come down on Sunday morning, get the full experience," Shiro suggested. 

"If you want to," Keith said with a grin. "The place we're going to is just down this alley. They have good pizza."

"An alley, huh?" Shiro said skeptically, but Keith just kept that grin on his face as he led Shiro into the alley and to a pizza shop. It was really nice inside, crammed with tables and  happy chatter. They were led to a table by the widow. 

"I don't come down here often," Keith said as they looked over their menus. "My boss actually brought me here a couple times, which is why I know it. I usually try to find the quieter places, but I'll make an exception for this one."

"Do you eat out every day?" Shiro asked him, and Keith went a bit red. Shiro laughed. "Still can't cook, Keith?"

"What, you can?" Keith retorted. 

"I can, actually," Shiro replied. "Hunk taught me quite a bit. I'll have to make dinner for you, one of these nights."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Keith said. 

Shiro couldn't help but realize how easy things felt today. They could barely look at one another that night they met in the bar. But Shiro already felt himself falling back into place with Keith. Maybe it was just like that with some people; you could be away for years and still feel as if nothing had changed. It was like finding your favorite jacket after losing it for years; when you finally found it, you put it back on and were just as warm as you were all those years ago. 

They chatted amicably as they waited for their pizza to come. Shiro told Keith about the UW, about the work he'd started for planning the semester and now nervous he was getting. And Keith told Shiro stories about his job, and told him about a place he volunteered every once and a while working with kids in the neighborhood. By the time they had actually finished eating, it was nearly 9 pm, and Shiro felt full and content. They left and decided to walk for a bit, looking out over the bay as the lights from the city reflected on the water. 

"This city is truly beautiful," Shiro said as they walked side by side. 

"It's not bad," Keith replied. "Even when it rains, it's still beautiful. It's just a different kind of beautiful."

Shiro smiled. They were quiet for a few minutes, until Keith stopped, placing one hand on a light post and the other on his forehead. Shiro stopped, frowning. "Are you okay?"

Keith was silent for a moment, worrying Shiro. "Yeah," he said at last, dropping his hand from his head and looking back up at Shiro, smiling rather sadly. "I get migraines sometimes."

"From the constant rain?" Shiro guessed, noticing he didn't like how pale Keith looked. 

"Probably," Keith said with a laugh, but Shiro could tell it was forced. "I should probably head home, though. I still have to work in the morning and I don't want to make it worse."

"You'll be okay to drive?" Shiro asked, and Keith rolled his eyes. 

"I'm used to the migraines, Shiro. I'll be fine. But thanks for coming out tonight. It was...pretty fun."

Shiro smiled. "It was. What time should we meet down here on Sunday, then?"

"Hmm." Keith thought about it. "Probably by six."

"In-in the morning?"

Keith laughed. "Yes, Shiro. You wanted the full experience, didn't you?"

Shiro sighed exasperatedly. "I guess so."

"Alright then. I'll see you down here, same place, 6 am?"

"Sounds good." Shiro hesitated a moment, and then pulled Keith not his arms. Keith stood awkwardly for a moment, and then relaxed, putting his arms around shirt and holding him tightly. 


	5. Chapter 4: Fears

"Good morning, sunshine," Keith said with a wide grin as Shiro stumbled into his car at quarter to six Sunday morning. Keith had insisted on picking Shiro up, for he'd been worried about Shiro getting lost again. Plus, parking was awful at times, so one less car was a good thing. Shiro didn't seem to mind that he didn't have to drive; he barely looked awake as he struggled to buckle his seat belt. 

"I was up....late," Shiro said, stifling another yawn. "I've been studying the textbooks for my classes and taking notes, and I ended up staying up way later than I meant to."

"Isn't it the students jobs to read the book and take notes?" Keith asked, eye brows raised. 

Shiro chuckled. "Yes, but I still have to be familiar with the books I'm teaching from. Plus, I'm working on making slideshows for the classes."

"Ah," Keith replied, looking up at Shiro's apartment building. "You live _here_?"

Shiro looked up at it too. "Yeah, why? What's wrong with it?"

Keith snorted as he pulled out onto the mostly quiet road. "Nothing, it's just a lot nicer looking than where I live."

"Where do you live?" Shiro asked, not that he knew the area anyway. 

"About 20 minutes from you," Keith replied. "My apartment isn't in the nicest neighborhood, but it was what I could afford when I first moved here. I could afford something better now, but I've lived there so long now I just don't see the point in moving. Plus, the owner is really cool. And I've never had any problems. Yet."

"Yet," Shiro repeated, shaking his head. Keith just grinned, and they were mostly quiet until they arrived downtown and made it to Pike's Place. Keith explained that Sundays were generally very busy, so coming early and leaving before lunch was always the best bet. Shiro still looked asleep on his feet, so Keith led them to one of the cafes, knowing that caffeine and sugar would be a necessity to get anything done. 

"This is really good," Shiro noted as they sat together at a tiny cafe table. Shiro had decided to get a latte in which the barista had made some kind of flower with the foam. Keith couldn't help but find this highly funny. Shiro looked so big and tough but sipped his pretty latte with a look of bliss on his face. 

"Well Seattle is known for it's coffee," Keith laughed as he sipped his own black coffee. 

"I knew there was a reason I moved here," Shiro said, taking a bite of the muffin he'd ordered. Keith realized that he'd never really seen this side of Shiro before. He'd seen it at times, of course. But most of the time he'd spent with Shiro had been when they were fighting the Galra, and everything had always been about the war at hand. They'd never really had the time to just sit and enjoy lattes on an early Sunday morning, without the threat of some imminent attack hanging over them. 

"Have you been feeling better?" Shiro asked, awaking Keith from his thoughts. 

"Oh- yeah, I've been fine," he replied. "Like I said, I've been getting them for a while now, so I'm pretty used to it."

"Have you been to a doctor?" Shiro pressed him, and Keith could already feel the walls coming up. 

"It's fine, Shiro,” he said firmly, and Shiro seemed to take the hint and drop the subject. 

After they'd finished their coffee and muffins, they left the cafe and slowly started to walk around the market. Not all of the shops had opened yet, so they got to walk slowly and lazily around with the other early-comers as the market slowly came to life. By 9 am it was getting pretty lively. Shiro kept finding small things he wanted to send back home; something for Allura, something for Coran, something for Pidge. By the time they decided to get out of the market, Shiro had a bag full of little gifts. Keith found himself feeling oddly conflicted. He both loved how excited Shiro got over finding little gifts for their-his?-friends. And it also made Keith feel a little sad, because he wished that he could buy them little gifts, as well. It wasn't that he couldn't. He just... _couldn't_. Not anymore.

"I can see why you wanted to come early," Shiro noted as they walked along the bay, a slight, cool breeze coming off the water. "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

"Nothing," Keith said quickly, looking away. "I just...." He felt his face redden. "I was just thinking about how nice this is. I wouldn't have chosen to walk around the Market on a Sunday if you paid me, a couple weeks ago. But I've been having...fun, with you. I guess I...I just haven't felt this happy in a long time."

Shiro stopped, but Keith kept walking, too embarrassed to look at Shiro. "Keith!" Shiro said, jogging to catch up to him. He grabbed Keith's arm, forcing him to stop. Keith still couldn't look at him. 

"Keith," Shiro said, his voice soft. "I'm glad that you're happy. You deserve happiness. Every day."

Keith was saved from having to answer by Shiro’s phone ringing. Shiro pulled it out and looked at it. He glanced at Keith. 

"Allura is video calling me," he said, and Keith felt his whole body freeze up. "Hold on," Shiro said, answering the phone. "Allura! Hi."

"Shiro!" Allura's voice, so full of love and cheer, felt like a knife in Keith's heart. "It's so wonderful to see you! Where are you at?"

"Pike's Place Market," Shiro replied with a smile. He had turned so Allura couldn't see Keith, which was good, because Keith couldn't move his legs. "I was just doing a bit of shopping. I got some gifts for all of you."

"Did you get anything for me?" Lance’s voice, adding on to the crushing pain in Keith's heart. He hadn't heard their voices in so long. "What's up, Shiro? Come on, Allura, I want to say hi too-"

"We can fit in the camera together," Allura scolded him. "Stop pushing me. I'm sorry, Shiro. It looks very pretty where you are! A little gray, but pretty nonetheless. I can't wait until we come visit you."

Come visit? Here?

"For sure," Shiro said, glancing at Keith. "I'm sorry Allura, it's a bit busy and loud here. Is it all right if I call you back later, when I'm home?"

"Oh, of course. I'm sorry. But please do, I want to hear all about Seattle!"

"Me too!" Lance added.

"Alright," Shiro said, smiling at them. "I'll talk to you later, then. Bye."

"Bye!" both Allura and Lance replied, and Shiro hung up the phone, looking at Keith apologetically. "I'm-I'm sorry, I should have just let it go and called her back later."

Keith didn't reply. The shock of hearing their voices was still too fresh. Part of Keith wanted to run, just run and run, the instinct that he'd always had a hard time ignoring. But his body was still frozen in place. 

"Keith," Shiro said, his voice gentle, as he reached out to Keith and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey. Talk to me."

Keith gasped, realizing he'd been holding his breath, and was horrified when he felt hot tears splash down his face. Shiro pulled him into a hug, much like he had the night before, and held him tightly. Once Keith could get his limbs to move again, he hugged Shiro back, holding on to him as if he was his lifeline. The sobs escaped him before he could try to stop them, and all he could do was stand there and cling to Shiro, and Shiro held him tightly, murmuring words of comfort into his ear. 

"Come sit," Shiro said, finally pulling away and leading Keith to a nearby bench the stood overlooking the bay. Keith did as he was told and sat, his whole body shaking as the tears still fell, silently. "Talk to me," Shiro said again, studying Keith's face. 

Keith shook his head, finding his voice at last. "I hadn't heard their voices in so long," Keith whispered. "I had almost forgotten what they sounded like. It was almost easier, that way."

"You miss them," Shiro said sadly. 

Keith looked at his feet. "I missed all of you," he said. "Every day. But I knew...I-I knew I had messed up. I knew I had ruined the only meaningful relationships I ever had."

"You didn't ruin-" Shiro started, but Keith cut him off. 

"I ran away, Shiro!" he cried. "I ran away. I wasn't that good of a friend while I was there, and then I just ran away because I didn't know how to make things better. I was a coward, Shiro. And I still am. I was always leaving them, even when they needed me."

"Keith-"

"And I know I can never get it back," Keith whispered. "I can never get it back, and I wouldn't deserve their forgiveness even if I asked for it-"

"Keith!" Shiro yelled, and Keith finally quieted. "Please, just...take some deep breaths, okay?"

Keith didn't reply, but he did as Shiro said and took a few deep breaths. Shiro took Keith's hand in his and squeezed it. 

"Listen to me, and let me speak," Shiro said firmly. Keith met Shiro's eyes. "I would be lying if I said that they weren't upset when you left. We all were. But that doesn't mean that they hate you, or are happier without you. They were all upset when you left because they cared about you, Keith. And I know you are afraid. You are afraid that they won't open their hearts back up to you. But listen to me." Keith turned his head away, and Shiro gently put a hand to his face and turned his head back, so Keith would look at him. "I know without a doubt in my heart that they would be nothing but happy to see you, Keith. They all love you very much. They will forgive you for leaving."

"They aren't you, Shiro," Keith whispered. "I'm honestly still in shock that _you_ will even look at me. I can't...I can't talk to them, Shiro. I just...I can't."

Shiro was quiet for a moment. "You made a choice to leave five years ago. And you had your reasons for doing so. I think if you told them the truth, they would understand. I think they deserve to know the truth, Keith. If they were to know I knew you were here and I didn't tell them, I know they would be upset with me. Because they care about you too, Keith. They love you just as much as you love them."

Keith just took a shaky breath, wanting to believe Shiro's words. He had shut off his heart for so long, that opening it again even just for Shiro had been terrifying enough. Keith wanted more than anything to believe he could find love and acceptance from his other friends the way that he had from Shiro. But he was so, so, scared. He wasn't sure that he could handle reaching out to them and then being rejected. He had been rejected many times throughout his childhood, and that was the reason it had taken him so long to open up to his team in the first place. 

"I'm not saying you have to talk to them today," Shiro continued, smiling sadly at him. "But think about it. Don't close yourself off to the possibility, Keith. You're allowed to be loved, just the same way you are allowed to happy. And I'll say that as many times as it takes, until you believe me."

Keith sniffled, returning Shiro's smile the best he could. "You'll need to say it a lot, then."

"That's fine," Shiro said softly, and it warmed Keith's painful heart just a little bit. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Shiro's hand still holding Keith's, staring out at the gray water of the bay. The air was fresh and crisp, and eventually Keith was able to breath easy again. Shiro's hand in his was able to keep him grounded, and he pulled himself back together. Shiro waited so patiently, and when Keith told him he was okay, Shiro just smiled and stood up. Keith followed suit, and they made their way back to Keith's car in comfortable silence. 

When Keith finally pulled up in front of Shiro's apartment building, it was nearing lunch time. Keith had been silent the whole car ride, and Shiro hadn't pushed him. Keith felt like he needed a nap, or a beer, or something. It had been nearly a week since he'd first seen Shiro in that bar, and his heart had been through way too many ups and downs. But he was grateful for them. He was grateful that by whatever twist of fate, Shiro was sitting there next to him after all this time. 

"Come up for lunch," Shiro said suddenly. "I'm sure I can make something up, and neither of us have eaten since those muffins this morning."

"I don't know," Keith said uncertainly. "I probably have to get going-"

"I'll feel better knowing you ate something," Shiro said, cutting him off. "I won't take no for an answer."

Keith sighed, obviously not winning this one. He took the keys out of the ignition, and Shiro smiled in triumph. He let Keith up to his apartment, which was on the eighth floor of the building. Keith was pretty impressed when they walked in. It was a large, open apartment, much unlike his tiny, outdated one. Shiro had glass sliding doors leading out to a balcony with a beautiful view of the city and Puget Sound. "You like it?" Shiro asked as the sat down his keys and bag of souvenirs on the table. 

"Yeah," Keith said, staring out at the view. "You must stand out there all day."

"I do," Shiro chuckled, opening the fridge. "Go head and make yourself at home. I don't have much to eat here still, but I can probably make us some sandwiches at least."

"That's fine," Keith said absently, his eyes finding a row of picture frames on a shelf next to the glass doors. Keith wandered in front of them, taking in each photo. 

There was a photo of Shiro standing next to Lance and Allura on their wedding day. Allura looked as beautiful as ever, and Lance looked older and more confident than Keith had ever seen him. There was a photo of Pidge and Matt, holding up some sort of award, both of them grinning like they'd just conquered the world. There was a photo of Hunk and Shiro, both of them laughing, Hunk's arm around Shiro's shoulder. And another photo, of all of them together, another photo taken on Lance and Allura's wedding day, everyone, even Coran and Romelle, dressed in the finest clothes and smiling with so much warmth and affection on their faces as they huddled together for a photo. 

"I wish you could have been there," Shiro said, making Keith jump and nearly drop the photo. He hadn't realized Shiro was watching him. He quickly replaced the photo on the shelf. 

"Me too," Keith said, studying their happy faces. "It looks like it was a beautiful ceremony."

"It was," Shiro nodded. "It was a very happy day for all of us. But it definitely felt like there was something missing."

Keith's heart twinged with guilt. He noticed another picture and picked it up; it was of him and Shiro, taken right before Shiro had left on the Kerberos mission. He stared at it, realizing how long ago that was. They both looked so different. 

"You kept this," Keith said, looking at Shiro. 

"Of course I did," Shiro replied simply. Keith smiled and put the frame back on the shelf. "You have any preference on what I put on your sandwich?"

Keith shook his head, glancing back at the photographs again for a moment, taking in his friends' smiling faces. 

"You really think they'd want to see me again?" he asked Shiro, and Keith could hear the hope in his own voice. 

Shiro smiled. "I know they will."

Keith breathed in deeply, his hands shaking slightly as he realized what words were about to come out of his mouth.

"I want to see them, too," he said, and his heart beat excitedly, with fear and longing and _hope_. "Not...not right now, but...could you see if you could get them together one of these nights? And we could call them, together?"

Shiro looked at Keith as if he were proud of him, and Keith realized how much he wanted to make Shiro proud, even to this day. 

"I'd be happy to," he replied, and although Keith was afraid, he smiled. 

His heart was feeling a little lighter every day since Shiro had come to Seattle. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im having so much fun writing this, it gives me lots of feels <3
> 
> Next chapter, Keith finally gets to face the rest of the paladins!


	6. Chapter 5: Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support guys <3 hope you enjoy the chapter!

Shiro sent Keith a message the next morning as he was getting ready for work. Keith read it, his heart beating wildly in his chest; his old team members had agreed to get together to video chat with Shiro the following Sunday. Shiro hadn't told them about Keith, but had told them he had important news for them all to hear, and it had to be on video. Apparently they were already bugging Shiro left and right, and Keith wondered if any of them had the faintest idea of what was actually in store for them. 

Shiro was incredibly busy as he rushed to get ready for the new semester starting, so he and Keith really didn't get a chance to see each other until Friday night. They met up at Jerry's bar, both of them needing a drink to help relax their nerves. Shiro was getting anxious about starting his new teaching position in the upcoming week, while Keith was busy worrying about how the rest of his friends were going to react to the news that he had been living there in Seattle all this time. 

"Keith," Jerry the bartender said as Keith and Shiro sat down at a booth together. "And-?"

"Shiro," Shiro answered. 

"You're both back, together," Jerry said with a small smile. "The usual, Keith?"

Keith nodded, and Shiro said, "I'll have the same." Jerry nodded and went to get their drinks. Jerry had barely sat the beer down on their table when Keith grabbed his and drank half of it. 

"Do you need a pitcher?" Jerry asked, amused. 

"No," Keith replied, though he wanted one. He still had to work in the morning.

"Suit yourself," Jerry replied, and left them alone. 

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Keith moaned as he gripped his glass tightly. 

""It'll be worth it," Shiro reminded him. "You're doing the right thing, trust me. You owe it both to them, as well as yourself. And it's just a video chat. If it gets too much, I can simply take over. It'll be okay."

Keith just sighed. "How are you feeling?" he asked Shiro. 

"I know I'm as prepared as I can be," Shiro replied. "And I've never really felt nervous like this before. It's not like I have trouble talking in front of others or anything. It's just that...I feel like so much is riding on this job now. I moved here for this chance."

Keith reached across the table and took Shiro's hand. "You'll be amazing," Keith said, and he meant it. "You have real experience, and you'll get to tell them all the cool stories. Plus you're someone who's really easy to talk to. You're just a likable guy, Shiro. You'll probably be everyone's favorite."

"Why does everyone say that," Shiro asked, looking a bit flustered. 

"Because it's true," Keith said with a grin, taking another swig of his beer. 

It was hard to believe that it was just a week and a half ago that Shiro had walked into that very bar and back into Keith's life. Already, to Keith, it felt like he and Shiro had never been apart. Keith wasn't even sure of how it had happened, but he knew that even with all the emotional turmoil he had felt since reuniting with Shiro, Keith was happier than he had been since before he left the Garrison. Even his boss had commented on it, mentioning that Keith seemed to smile more than the old man had ever noticed. Keith didn't even mind putting up with Eric at work anymore. None of the little things bothered him as much as they used to. 

"What are you thinking about?" Shiro asked him, and Keith realized he'd been staring off into space as he thought. 

"Nothing," Keith said quickly. "It's just crazy that so much as happened so fast."

"Tell me about it," Shiro said with a laugh. "If I had told myself a year ago that I would be sitting in a Seattle bar, the weekend before my new teaching position started, having a beer with you, I would have never believed it in a million years."

Keith smile slowly slid off his face as he thought of himself a year ago, or even just a few months ago. 

He hadn't even been sure if he'd still be alive today.

"Did I say something?" Shiro asked, noticing Keith's reaction. 

"No, no," Keith said, hastily gulping down the rest of his beer. "I'm just....I'm just starting to feel a bit overwhelmed is all."

Shiro smiled reassuringly. "It's going to be okay," he said in a tone that made Keith want to believe him. "We've both made it this far, so I'm sure we can get through anything else life throws at us."

Keith surely hoped he was right. 

* * *

 When Keith showed up at Shiro's apartment that Sunday afternoon, Shiro was sure that Keith was going to faint on his feet. 

Shiro's anxiety over the classes starting was nothing compared to Keith's fear of finally facing his friends. Shiro couldn't say he blamed him; he too would be afraid in this situation. But he really did believe that once this awkward, first encounter was out of the way, things would be a lot better for both Keith and their friends, as well as Shiro too. (Hiding the fact that he had found Keith in Seattle had been very difficult for him.) 

Shiro let Keith into his apartment, and Keith immediately sank into his couch, looking like he wanted to be sick. 

"I can't do this," Keith said, his face in his hands. "This is a bad idea."

"You can do this," Shiro corrected him. "Just take a deep breath. Do you want a drink?"

Keith just made a little groan at him, so Shiro took that as a yes. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and handed it to Keith. Keith mumbled a thanks and took a big gulp. 

"You're sure this is a good idea?" Keith asked him doubtfully. 

Shiro tried to smile in a reassuring way. "Yes. I know how much they mean to you, and you to them. I'm not saying it'll be easy. Was it easy to see me, that day in the bar?"

"No," Keith mumbled. 

"But it was worth it, right?"

Keith just sighed. 

"I'll be right here," Shiro reminded him. "Take a few minutes, and I'll get everything set up. Deep breaths."

Keith took a deep breath. Satisfied, Shiro opened up his laptop and sat it on the coffee table. He pulled up the video chat and waited for their friends to pop up. After a couple moments, Shiro sent the call, and when they answered, Allura, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk were all fighting to get into camera view, Coran and Romelle awkwardly in the background. 

"Shiro!" Hunk said. "Finally!"

"You've been killing us with all this damn anticipation," Pidge grumbled. 

"Lance you're stepping on my foot!" Allura yelled, and Lance stepped back apologetically. 

"You don't have to squeeze so much, I can see you all fine," Shiro chuckled. He looked over at Keith, who looked pale and sweaty. 

"So what's the big news, Shiro?" Lance asked. 

"Are you coming home?" Allura guessed. 

"Are you seeing someone?" Pidge asked. 

"Did you quit your job already?" Hunk chimed in. 

"No, no," he said, and they all looked disappointed. 

"Well, what is it then?" Lance asked impatiently. "What was so important that we all had to be here like this?"

Shiro looked over at Keith, who managed a very tiny nod. 

"Okay," Shiro sighed; now he was feeling nervous, too. "Now, just to let you know, this is going to be shocking, believe me, but please try not to talk all at once. It's...a little stressful over here."

"What is it, Shiro?" Allura asked, looking concerned. 

Why was Shiro so nervous? He couldn't imagine how Keith was feeling. "So, I found...I found Keith. Here in Seattle."

There was an absolute, deafening, moment of silence as looks of shock and disbelief stared at him from very face on the screen. He heard Keith take a deep, shaky breath. 

"What?" Pidge finally shrieked, setting them all off. 

"You what?"

"Keith?"

"KEITH?"

"Where?"

"How?"

"He's there, with you?"

"Did you know he was there?"

"Is that why you went to Seattle?"

"Is he okay?"

"GUYS!" Shiro yelled, and they quieted. "Yes, he's here with me now. I met him on my first couple days here in Seattle. I didn't know he would be here. He's been living here ever since he left the Garrison, pretty much. He's...he's had a hard time."

" _He_ has?" Lance snapped, and Shiro could see Keith flinch as though it pained him. 

"Lance, please," Shiro said seriously. "He came here today so he could talk to you all. Please try and be understanding, and at least hear him out."

They all looked at one another, still in shock. "Okay," Hunk finally said. "He's...he's there?"

"Yes," Shiro said. "Are you ready to see him?"

They all nodded, looking apprehensive. "Are you ready?" Shiro asked Keith. Keith looked no where near ready, but Shiro supposed he would never be. Keith just stood up, and Shiro scooted over so Keith could sit down next to him. Their friends were completely silent as they waited, all standing very still. Keith hesitated a moment. Shiro saw his fists clench. And then, he stepped next to Shiro and sat down. 

There was another moment of absolute silence as Keith stared at them and they stared back. Then Hunk said, very quietly, "Oh my god."

"H-hey," Keith said, and Shiro could feel him shaking.

"Keith," Allura said, pressing her hands to her mouth. 

"It's-it's really you," Pidge gasped. 

Lance was silent, just staring. 

"It's me," Keith said, shifting uncomfortably. "I'm...I'm so sorry it took me this long to reach out to you. I...I didn't...." Keith was at a loss for words. 

"Why did you leave?" Lance finally said, skipping straight to the point. 

The other paladins looked at him, waiting for his answer. Keith looked down a moment. Shiro found his hand a gave it a squeeze, and Keith smiled at him gratefully. 

Finally, Keith began to speak, and their friends listened quietly. Keith told them how he'd begun to feel while he'd been staying at the Garrison, and how he'd left in a moment of desperation to escape his own terrible thoughts. Shiro felt the familiar twinge of guilt, and he wondered if the others felt it too. Keith then told them how he had jumped from place to place for a while, living on basically nothing, until he made it to Seattle and decided to try and make something of himself. He told them about how much he had missed them and how hard it had been for him to leave, even though he had made the choice to do so. 

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Keith said, wrapping up his story and looking down again. "I wouldn't blame any of you if you never wanted to talk to me again. I just thought I owed you the truth, because...you really were my friends. I just...." He sighed. "I hate myself, sometimes." He said it so quietly, Shiro wasn't sure if the others even heard.

"Keith," Allura said, reaching out as if she could touch him. "I wish you would have come to me, to any of us."

"You really thought we felt that way? After everything we went through together?" Pidge asked, frowning. 

Keith just shrugged, biting his lip. 

"Keith, you were our family," Hunk said, looking teary eyed. "We would never think of you as a burden."

"A pain in the ass at times, sure," Pidge said with a small smile. 

"Keith, Hunk is right," Allura said. "You were more than just a member of the team, you were one of us. I know that things got hectic, and we didn't always have the time together that we used to. But it wasn't because we no longer cared."

Lance stood up at that point and walked off camera. Allura sighed and called out after him, but he didn't respond. 

"He...he just needs some time," Allura said, looking at Keith sadly, and stood up to follow him, leaving Pidge and Hunk there, Romelle and Coran still standing awkwardly in the background. 

"Look man," Hunk said, sighing heavily. "I was really upset when you left, mostly because I just couldn't make any sense of it. But I'm glad that you're doing alright, and that Shiro was able to find you. I'm sorry you had to go through all that on your own. It must have been hard."

"You were stupid to leave," Pidge said, crossing her arms, but her face softened. "But I can't be angry with you, especially with that look on your face."

Keith still stared at his feet. 

"Keith," Hunk said, and finally, Keith looked up. "It's alright, buddy. We forgive you, don't we Pidge?"

"Yes, I suppose," Pidge replied, with a small smile. 

"I'm sorry," Keith managed to say again, his voice small.

"Oh man, I want to hug you," Hunk said, sniffling, and hugged Pidge instead. 

"I can see Allura feels the same way," Pidge said, ignoring Hunk's hug. "And Lance will, too. He just...needs to process this. He'll come around."

Keith didn't look like he believed them, but he forced a smile. 

"I, for one, am happy to see you!" Coran called, and Romelle added, "Me too!" with a wave. 

Keith actually managed a laugh, and it made Pidge and Hunk smile. 

"Thanks guys," Keith said. 

"I...I guess we should go," Pidge said. "Have Shiro give you are contact info, and we can talk some more later."

"Give him a hug for me, Shiro," Hunk said, wiping his face. 

"I will," Shiro said with a smile. "Thanks for doing this, I know how busy you all are."

"Anytime," Pidge said. "We're all still here for you, even when we're miles away. And we mean you too, Keith."

Keith just nodded, and then he stood up and walked towards the window, looking out at the city. 

"I'll talk to you soon," Shiro told Pidge and Hunk. 

"Take care," Pidge replied, and the video cut out, leaving Shiro's living room with an uncomfortable silence. 

Shiro shut the laptop, and then stood up. Keith was still staring out at the city, his arms wrapped around himself as though he was trying to hug himself. Shiro walked up and placed a hand on Keith's shoulder. "You okay?" he asked him. 

Keith didn't look at him, but Shiro felt him deflate a little. "I'm okay," Keith replied. "It actually went better than I expected it to, and at least now it's done. I mean, seeing you got easier every day, so, maybe it'll be that way with them too?"

"I'm sure it will," Shiro said. "And Lance-"

"It's okay, Shiro," Keith sighed. "It's okay if he needs more time, even if he doesn't want to talk to me. It's okay. I know I was never his favorite person in the first place."

"Lance was very upset when you left," Shiro said quietly. "I think he's always cared about you more than you realize. He'll come around."

Keith didn't reply. He'd seen the hurt on Lance's face. He wanted to believe Lance would be forgiving, but he wouldn't get his hopes up. Either way, at least it wasn't a secret anymore. And Keith now had a chance to at least reconnect with Pidge, Hunk, and Allura. That was more than he'd had a few weeks ago. So much more. 

"I know you have to be at the U tomorrow," Keith said suddenly, turning away from the sliding glass doors, startling Shiro a bit. "I'll get going so you can start getting ready."

"Keith-" Shiro said uncertainly, but Keith just shook his head and hugged Shiro, wrapping his arms around him tightly. 

"Thank you, Shiro," he whispered, and then pulled out of the embrace. "Good luck tomorrow. Remember, you're going to be fine."

"Thanks," Shiro said with a smile. "Are you going to be okay? I know it's a lot-"

"I'll be fine," Keith cut him off. He'd practiced those words so many times, they really didn't even mean anything anymore except a way for him to escape. "Call me tomorrow and tell me how everything went."

Shiro watched with a sad look on his face as Keith grabbed his keys and walked out of Shiro's apartment, but he didn't try to stop him. When Keith finally got into his car, he let himself have a moment where he allowed his feelings take over. His fear, his love, his longing, his uncertainty. He sat there for a few minutes as his throat tightened and he squeezed his steering wheel. At the very least, he did it. He actually faced them. That was a step in the right direction. A step towards making things right. 

He started the car and drove away, wishing he had Shiro's arms around him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to be a little busy the next few days but I’m still hoping to be able to get my writing time in! <3


	7. Chapter 6: Unraveling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you for the nice comments!! You guys are the best <3
> 
> I proofread this a couple nights ago, but apologies if I missed anything!

Keith sat at his kitchen table, pushing around some boxed pasta in a bowl but not eating any of it. He was exhausted, with the familiar beginnings of a headache creeping in. It had been nearly a week since he'd faced his friends in Shiro's living room. Keith had heard from both Pidge and Hunk through text, and had been able to message them back and forth a bit. Shiro had been incredibly busy with his first week of classes. He had called Keith after the first day and talked for nearly an hour straight about how nervous he'd been, the moments he messed up, and all the things he hadn't been prepared for. But then he also talked about a couple students who had approached him and told him how excited they were to have him teaching the class. On the second day Shiro called him again, and as expected, things went a little better. Apparently word about who exactly Shiro was and the things he'd done and seen were spreading, and now students were trying to overfill his classes. Shiro seemed be making some friends as well, telling him how the other professors had been very helpful and welcoming. Keith just listened with a small smile on his face, telling Shiro how happy he was for him. And Keith really meant it. Hearing Shiro sound so excited and passionate about something was enough to make Keith's day a little better as well. 

He'd met with Shiro briefly for lunch on Thursday, where Shiro talked more about his classes and things that had happened. He promised Keith that things would probably start calming down after the first couple weeks were over; they hadn't been able to see each other or talk much. But Keith understood. He knew this job was important to Shiro, and it was good for him, too. He was able to stand on his own in a way he really hadn't gotten to before. And although he looked a bit overwhelmed-and overworked-Keith knew that Shiro was happy. 

But as he sat alone at his table after work on Saturday night, Keith couldn't help but worry. He was worried that Shiro was going to get so caught up in his work, and with the new friends he'd make there, that he wouldn't have time for Keith at all anymore. Keith knew he was being selfish; Shiro wasn't his, after all. Shiro hadn't come here for him. He'd come here to better himself, and to build a meaningful life in a new city with new opportunities. 

Keith massaged his temples as his head ached. Perhaps Keith had been selfish from the moment he'd reunited with Shiro. He'd wanted nothing more than for Shiro to care about him again, to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay. Keith hadn't been able to bring himself happiness, so now he was relying on Shiro to do it for him. 

But what was he giving Shiro in return? A tour of Pike's Place? A list of places to eat dinner? Keith hadn't really stopped to think about it. At first he thought that it had to be some sort of answer to his prayers, Shiro showing up here like this. But what did Shiro think? Did he feel the same way?

Or maybe he was just becoming a burden again. 

"Shut up," Keith groaned out loud, not caring that he was talking to himself. Shiro had told him that those kinds of thoughts were a lie. So had Hunk and Pidge. But they were always there, no matter what. No matter what anyone said. No matter how hard Keith tried to do better, and be better, they were always there, waiting for him. It was as if he just couldn't be alone with his own thoughts for too long. 

His phone rang, making him jump. His heart skipped a beat when he realized it was Allura calling him. Keith hadn't spoken to her since the video chat last weekend. Keith answered, his voice shaking with nerves. 

"H-hello?"

"Keith." Allura's voice was always so full of love and warmth, just hearing her say his name was enough to calm him a bit. "I'm glad I could reach you. I'm sorry I haven't called sooner."

"It's okay," he replied, leaning back in his chair. "I'm sure you've been busy."

Allura was quiet for a moment. "How-how have you been?" she asked, sounding concerned. "I could see how upset you were when we were in the video last week. I know it was a bit of a shock for us to see you."

"I've been okay," he told her. "Things have...been pretty different for me the past couple weeks. But I'm dealing with it."

"Have you really been there in Seattle the whole time?" she asked. 

"Yeah," he sighed. "I've just been...working, and coming home. Nothing exciting."

"And you've been alone?" she asked, and Keith gripped his phone tightly. 

"Yes," he said. 

Allura sighed. "I hate to think of you all alone for all that time," she said. "I can imagine it was hard."

"It was...." _Unbelievably, painfully hard_. "It was fine. I dealt with it."

"Oh Keith," she sighed. "You're still the same Keith, aren't you?"

"I guess," he said uncertainly, and she laughed. 

"It is good to hear your voice again," she said, and Keith smiled, too. He remembered her wedding pictures, standing next to Lance, his arm wrapped around her. 

"What about Lance?" Keith asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. "Is he still angry with me?"

"Well...." Allura's voice trailed off for a moment. "He isn't angry with you, Keith. He...he just feels hurt, is all. And not just because you left, but because he hadn't been able to help you."

"But-" Keith said, "I never asked him for help."

Allura chuckled. "That doesn't mean you didn't need it," she said. "Lance prides himself in being a good friend. I think he feels like he failed you in some way. I think we all feel that way."

"Don't," Keith said at once. "It was nothing that you said, or did, that caused me to leave. It was me. It's always been me."

"Keith," Allura said carefully. "Sometimes...sometimes people need help, because they can't help themselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it happens to all of us. If you really felt that way when you left, you needed help. You should never feel that lowly about yourself. You're a wonderful person, and friend. You were always so strong and brave, and I guess that's why we weren't able to see when you were struggling. You hide your pain really well."

"Allura." Keith stood up, but he realized that he couldn't walk away from the telephone. "I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his temples again. "I'm getting a bit of a headache, and I should probably lie down for a bit. But-but I'm glad you called me."

Allura sighed. "Alright. I'm glad you answered, Keith. You can call me whenever you need to. I'm trying to talk Lance into planning a trip out there to see Shiro, and you of course. Probably in a couple of months."

"Okay," he said, wondering if Lance will have come around two months from now. "Thanks, Allura. For being so understanding."

"You're my friend, Keith," she said, the words making Keith smile. "Get some rest. I hope you feel better."

"Thanks. Goodbye."

"Bye."

He hung up, and sat back down in the chair. He stared at the phone for a while, the screen dark, the emotions inside him swirling in every direction. 

* * *

 Shiro sighed, throwing down his pen on the mess of papers in front of him.

It had been a long, tiring week for Shiro. Long, but good. Even though he could probably sleep for 24 hours straight and he really needed a five day weekend, Shiro was enjoying his new work. The first day had been so terrifying for him, standing up at the podium and staring out at all the young faces. But there had been something magical about the whole thing as well, especially when after class several kids approached him to tell him how excited they were to meet him. The next day, it had been much easier, and he started looking forward to each class, each day. There was a lot of work, enough that he ended up taking it home with him even on the weekend, but Shiro was honestly feeling really happy with this new job.

He had Keith back, he was living in a new place that he loved so far, and his new job was going well. It was as if everything was finally falling into place, better than he ever could have expected.

He'd barely even talked to Keith all week. Feeling a little guilty, Shiro felt the sudden need to do something nice for him. Keith had been super supportive and understanding of Shiro's busy schedule. But Shiro really missed him. Shiro looked down at the ungraded papers, and realized he needed a bit of a break. He grabbed his phone and sent Keith a message. He didn't even wait for a response as he grabbed his keys from off the counter and made his way out the door.

When Shiro pulled up in front of the address that Keith had given him, he had to admit he felt a little sketched out. He hadn't been to this part of town yet, and it just had the feel of one of those places you didn't want to go to at night. He locked his car and nervously knocked on Keith's door. Keith answered, a smile greeting Shiro that made him forget about the world around him.

"Hey," Keith said, letting him in. "Sorry it's a bit of a mess in here, I wasn't really expecting company...ever."

Keith apartment was small and cramped. His kitchen was tucked into a corner, and he had a dining room table squeezed in next to it. He had a couch and coffee table across from a TV, which basically took up all the room. Shiro noticed how blank Keith's place looked, especially when Keith had mentioned he'd been living there for years. There were no photos or posters on the walls, no plants, no nothing.

"Don't worry about it," Shiro said, turning his attention to Keith. "Sorry to drop in so suddenly. I just realized I really hadn't gotten to see you all the much this week, and I thought you might want to grab some dinner or a drink or something."

"How do you feel about coffee?" Keith asked.

Shiro looked at his watch. "At six p.m. ?"

Keith shrugged. "I can feel a headache coming on, and caffeine usually helps. Plus, I'll drink coffee any time of day."

Shiro grinned. "Coffee it is," he said. "Let's go."

They drove around for about ten minutes until they found a little coffee shop. Keith admitted it was one he hadn't tried, and had been meaning to, so Shiro pulled in. The inside was rather cramped with tables, but the staff was friendly and it wasn't overly crowded. They both ordered their coffees, and were served in big mugs. They took their mugs to a table and sat down away from the other people.

"Well, how is it?" Shiro asked as Keith sipped his coffee.

"Mmm. Perfect," Keith replied happily.

Shiro chuckled. "How have you been? I feel like all I did this week is talk about work."

"I've been okay," Keith replied, talking down at his mug. "I talked to Allura today, right before you messaged me."

"That's good!" Shiro said. "How was it?"

"She's...she's just as great as she was before," Keith said with a small smile. "I was...kind of having a hard time today, and she made me feel a little better."

Shiro frowned. "Hard time, how?"

Keith shook his head. "Nothing, really. I guess I've just been sitting in my own thoughts too long. I try not to listen to them, you know. But...." He sighed. "Some days are just harder than others."

Shiro felt a bit guilty. He hadn't even realized that Keith had been struggling at all this week. It worried him, because his blindness to Keith's struggles had been exactly what led to Keith leaving the Garrison.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Shiro asked him, but again, Keith just shook his head.

"I'm feeling better now," he said.

"Have you...." Shiro gripped his coffee, knowing Keith wouldn't like what he was about to say. "Have you thought about talking to someone? Like a psychologist?"

Keith's cheeks went red. "No. I don't need to sit there and tell some stranger about my problems."

"It-it might be good for you, though," Shiro pushed. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I don't need it, Shiro," Keith said firmly. "It's fine, I promise. I've been dealing with it for this long."

Shiro wanted to point out that Keith _hadn't_ really been dealing with it at all, but he also didn't want to push the subject too much. "Okay. Just...keep it in mind, okay?"

"Alright," Keith said automatically, clearly not interested in the idea. There was an awkward silence for a moment. "Allura said she wanted to try to come visit in the next couple months." He clearly wanted to change the subject.

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it," Shiro said. "I think that she'd find Seattle quite interesting. And I really just want to see them again."

"Lance still doesn't want to talk to me," Keith said, trying to sound nonchalant, but Shiro knew it bothered him. "So I might not be able to see them when they come."

"Don't worry about Lance," Shiro replied. "I bet you'll hear from him by this time next week. He won't be able to stay away from you for long. He's just stubborn. Kind of like you."

"I'm not like Lance," Keith said defensively, and Shiro grinned.

They sat and talked until their mugs were empty, and finally, Shiro knew that he had to get back to his paperwork. Keith didn't seem to mind, though. Shiro could tell that just sitting there and drinking coffee with him had done him some good. Shiro took a mental note to remember to make more time for Keith, even if it was just talking over coffee like they had tonight. Shiro could see that the more time Keith spent alone, the more his intrusive thoughts started to overcome him. Shiro realized that he needed these little moments as well. He felt a little happier himself, just having Keith by his side.

Shiro was happy just driving Keith home in a comfortable silence. Shiro had felt an overwhelming loneliness that had never gone away when Keith was gone. Even after five years it had haunted Shiro. He'd had friends of course, plenty of people he'd loved and enjoyed spending time with.

But none of them could replace Keith. Keith had taken a part of Shiro's heart the day he left, and now that they were together again, Shiro finally felt like he had been put back together.

The happy moment didn't last. Shiro pulled onto Keith's street, and his heart dropped. Keith sat up in the seat next to him, his eyes wide as they pulled in front of Keith's apartment building- or at least as close as they could get to it, with the amount of emergency vehicles blocking their path.

Keith was out of the car before Shiro even put it into park. Shiro hastily parked the car and jumped out after Keith, trying to catch up to him. Keith stood, still as a statue, staring at the building in flames in front of them. Keith's apartment building.

"Keith!" An older woman, probably in her 50's, rushed over. Shiro had no idea who she was, but he figured she might live in the building. "Keith, I'm so glad you weren't home! We- we weren't sure, and the fire had spread so quickly-"

Keith didn't answer her. His eyes were fixed on the building, the flames reflecting in his eyes.

"What happened?" Shiro asked, and the woman looked at him.

"Mrs. Sholtz- she's old, you know, in her eighties I believe- she started a small fire when cooking. She isn't as sharp as she used to be, poor thing. I think it was a grease fire, and she tried to put it out with water, and it just made things worse. Her apartment is right next to Keith's, so both of their places got the worst of it. She got out okay, thankfully. And Keith wasn't home, so it looks like everyone got out unhurt."

Keith was still staring up at the flames, his whole body shaking. "Keith," Shiro said gently, putting a hand on Keith shoulder, and Keith let out a strangled gasp. Keith's whole body shook as he gasped for breath, staring up at the burning building in a state of absolute fear. Shiro was taken aback for a moment, until the thought hit him, causing his heart to twist.

_His father_.

"Keith," Shiro said firmly, stepping in front of Keith to shield him from the view. "Keith, look at me. _Look at me_."

Keith didn't seem to be able to look at him. Tears spilled from his eyes and his knees buckled, but Shiro caught him. They were both on their knees as Shiro pulled Keith into his arms, Keith gasping through his sobs as he clung to Shiro, burying his face in Shiro's neck. He'd never seen Keith so frightened before, and it hurt Shiro worse than any injury he'd ever suffered. Other people were watching them and whispering, but Shiro didn't care. He held onto Keith as they kneeled on the sidewalk, Keith desperately trying to breathe. Shiro murmured words of comfort in his ear, letting him know that he was safe. He knew he needed to get Keith out of there, away from the flames and the commotion and the staring people. He helped Keith to his feet, though Keith's legs shook terribly with his weight. Shiro pulled him close, allowing Keith to lean on him, as they made their way back to Shiro's car. Shiro looked back the burning building one last time, before helping Keith into his car and jumping in, wishing to get Keith as far away as possible.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :,)
> 
> Next chapter will focus on Keith trying to make sense of the bad things that have happened throughout his life. With a wonderfully loving Shiro to help of course. 
> 
> I’m behind on writing, but I’ll try to get a lot done today!
> 
> (PS: my fanfics are always fueled by music and usually named after songs. This was named after the song Imperfection by evanescence, which deals with suicide and depression. I have a whole playlist dedicated to this story if you’re ever interested!)


	8. Chapter 7: Damages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get your tissues ready friends

When Keith woke up, he was extremely confused.

The sun was bright, much brighter than it usually was. He always kept blinds and curtains closed. He could smell coffee and hear the mumbled voice of conversation. He opened his eyes blearily, and realized he was not in his apartment at all; he was in Shiro's, curled up on the couch. His head was pounding, so he closed his eyes tightly and tried to remember why he was there.

"...didn't know what to do...." Shiro was talking to someone over the phone. "He was so...it was like a really bad anxiety attack. I couldn't even get him to talk to me. By the time I got him here I had to carry him up the stairs because his legs just gave in."

Keith felt the shame sweep in on him. He remembered now. The fire. His apartment building had been up in flames, and just the sight of it alone had caused him the worst, paralyzing fear he'd ever felt. It made him feel like he was a child again, the memories of his father's death flooding him. It was as if the world had melted away and he was the little boy watching footage from the fire that had killed his father, his mind imagining all the terrible things that had happened, and realizing that the one person in this world who had cared for him was gone.

"I know." Shiro sighed, and Keith was brought back to the present. "I'll keep him here with me and make sure he's alright....Yeah, I will. Of course....You too."

Keith heard Shiro put his phone down. He lay there, wishing he could fall back asleep and pretend that this whole thing had never happened. Maybe he'd wake up back in his apartment, and this was just a terrible nightmare.

The throbbing in his head said otherwise. He'd need to take something before it got worse. That also meant he'd have to face Shiro, but that was something that he'd have to do anyway. Keith rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes. He sat up, trying to ignore the pulsing in his head.

"Hey." Shiro's voice was soft and warm, like a blanket on a cold night. Keith opened his eyes. Shiro was there, leaning over the couch, a coffee mug in hand. He handed it to Keith, who took it gratefully.

"Thanks," Keith said, sipping the coffee. "Do you...have any ibuprofen? My head is killing me."

"Yeah," Shiro said, walking back to the kitchen. Keith stood up and followed him, the world tilting slightly for a moment. Luckily Shiro didn't notice Keith steady himself on the couch. Keith took a seat at the breakfast bar as Shiro handed him the pill bottle.

"Thanks," Keith said again, dropping six or seven of the little pills in to his hand and gulping them down with his coffee.

"Jesus," Shiro said as Keith handed him the bottle. "You're going to eat a hole through your stomach."

Keith just shrugged. Shiro sighed and pushed the fruit bowl at him. "At least eat something."

Keith pulled a banana out, and then nearly dropped it. "Wait-what time is it?"

"Eight-thirty," Shiro replied, looking at his watch.

"Shit!" Keith swore, jumping up. "I was supposed to be at work thirty minutes ago!"

"Hey, it's okay!" Shiro said quickly. He pulled something out of his pocket and dropped it down on the counter in front of Keith. Keith realized it was the business card to the auto shop he had given Shiro the night they met in the bar. "I called your boss and told him you weren't coming in," Shiro said, looking a bit guilty. "I wasn't sure how you'd be feeling today, and I figured you needed the rest."

Keith stared at the beat up card, both angry at Shiro for making that choice for him, and also really touched that he had thought to do that for him at all.

"Was Mr. Roberts upset?" Keith asked, deflating in defeat.

"No, of course not," Shiro replied. "He was just glad that you weren't hurt in the fire."

Fire. Even the word gave Keith chills down his spine. "Thanks, for calling him," Keith said, rubbing his temples again. God, his apartment had been on fire. It was probably destroyed, from the looks of things last night. He hadn't exactly loved the apartment, but it had been his only home for five years.

"You okay?" Shiro asked him. Keith looked up at him, the concern in Shiro's face reminding Keith of how humiliating last night must have been. Had he heard Shiro say he'd needed to be carried up the stairs?

"Wait," Keith said suddenly. "Don't _you_ have to work today?"

Shiro glanced at his watch again. "My first class in about an hour. But, if you need-"

"No," Keith said before Shiro could finish. "I'm fine. Don't go skipping out on work. I know the semester just started, and I don't want you getting in any trouble for me."

"But-"

"And I'm probably just going to lay back down anyway," Keith continued. "Until this migraine gets better."

Shiro didn't look convinced. "Are you sure? I don't feel right leaving you."

"I'm fine." Keith stood up. "I'll feel worse if you stay home for me. Please, go."

Shiro studied him a moment, and then sighed. "Alright," he said wearily. "Just try and relax, okay? You can call me if you need anything. And I'll be back after 3. Help yourself to anything."

"Okay," Keith said. Shiro still looked unconvinced. He put his arms around Keith, and Keith remembered falling into Shiro's arms the night before as the sobs ripped through him. He melted into Shiro's warm hug, gripping the back of Shiro's shirt. He hated how much he needed Shiro's comfort.

Keith pulled away, sure that if he kept Shiro's arms around him any longer he'd never want to let go. "I'm going to lay down," he said quietly, avoiding Shiro's eyes, and went back to the couch, pulling the blanket over him. He waited as he listened to Shiro get ready, and a few minutes later, heard the door open.

"Call me, if you need anything at all," Shiro said before he left. Keith just pretended to be asleep. Shiro sighed and shut the door. Keith felt the tears well up in his eyes, and he hated himself for it. He hated that he was so goddamn weak. He hated that he just wanted Shiro to stay home and hold him. He hated that he'd reacted so harshly last night. He hated the way his brain was always making him feel.

He frankly just hated everything at the moment.

Everything, except for Shiro.

Keith must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew, his phone was vibrating and he had a new message. Keith groaned tiredly and grabbed the phone off the coffee table. It was just after ten, so he hadn't slept long. Luckily his head felt a little better. He pulled up his messages and saw the text was from an unsaved number. He opened it.

_Hey, Keith. I hope you don't mind that Allura gave me your number. She told me what happened to your place. I'm really sorry. Hope you're doing ok._

_Sorry about the other night, too._

_Lance_.

Keith stared at the message. Shiro must have been talking to Allura when he woke up this morning. He both felt embarrassed that everyone knew about what had happened last night, and pleased that Lance had actually messaged him.

 _Thanks_ , he replied, not sure of what else to say. He sat his phone down on his chest and stared at the ceiling.

His apartment was gone. Shiro was obviously planning on letting Keith stay at his place as long as he needed, but Keith knew he couldn't impose on Shiro for long. God, he'd have to buy everything. Clothes, furniture, food. Did he have enough money? Why hadn't he been more prepared for something like this? He had a little money in the bank, but probably not enough to cover moving into a new place and buying everything he needed. He would probably have no choice but to stay with Shiro for at least a couple weeks.

Everything in his life had been so fucked up recently. Keith wasn't sure how much more he could take. He was so mentally and physically exhausted by everything that had happened these past couple weeks. His whole life was too exhausting to think about. His headache pounded, a reminder of yet another problem he had to worry about. It was all just too much for him to handle. He was too tired. 

Again, he let sleep take him. 

The next time he woke, it was to the door opening and closing. Keith started, his heart beating wildly. He had to remind himself again that he was not at his own apartment, but Shiro's. Shiro looked at him and smiled apologetically. 

"Sorry," he said, throwing his keys down. He held up a paper bag. "I got some food, since I wasn't sure if you'd eaten."

Keith rubbed his eyes, willing his brain to wake up. It was already nearly four in the afternoon. He'd slept the whole night and day away. 

"How's the headache?" Shiro asked, handing Keith a container of food. It had some kind of chicken and rice stir fry inside. Keith realized he was starving. 

"Better," he admitted, taking a big bite of food. 

"That's good," Shiro said, sitting down next to him. He pulled out a couple of soda bottles from the bag and handed Keith one as well. "I texted you, but you didn't reply, so I just made some educated guesses on what you would want."

"Oh, it's fine," Keith replied, looking for his phone. It took him a minute to find it; it had been stuck in the couch cushions. He'd fallen asleep with it after reading Lance's message. 

"Lance messaged me," Keith remembered out loud. 

"He did?" Shiro looked relieved. "I'm glad."

"You...you talked to Allura," Keith said, without looking at Shiro.

"I...yeah." Shiro shifted a bit on the couch. "I'm sorry. I was just...I was just worried about you, and I needed someone to talk to."

"It's fine," Keith said, taking another bite of food. "I'm not mad that you told her."

"Keith." Shiro was looking at him. Keith could feel his eyes. Keith sighed and sat down his half eaten food. He turned so he was facing Shiro. Shiro looked so sad. Keith wondered how much sleep Shiro had been able to get last night. He had dark circles under his eyes, and Keith could tell how tense he was.

"I'm sorry," Keith said, the feeling of shame returning. "For the way I acted last night. It was...I couldn't control it. I didn't even feel like myself. Not really."

"What do you mean?" Shiro asked. He really looked like he wanted understand.

Keith sighed, twisting his hands as he tried to keep the feelings of fear from seizing him again. "One minute I was there with you," Keith said, his voice shaking slightly, "and the next I was a child, and that burning building was the same one that my father went into and never came back out of. When...w-when my dad died...." Keith squeezed his own hands. "When my dad died, everything changed for me. I was alone. I was young and scared and confused. And then I...I ended up with strangers. Stranger after stranger. None of them were ever very...loving. I felt like...I felt like a burden, every time. Some were mean. Some were indifferent. But none of them...."

"Keith." 

Keith looked up at Shiro, and with a jolt he realized Shiro's eyes were sparking with unshed tears. Keith sniffled and wiped his face, uncertain of when his own tears had come. "That fire took more than just my father from me," Keith whispered. "It took my sense of belonging. It took away the one person who had loved me. It made me into a child who believed that no one would ever want me or love me again. And now....And now look at me. I'm still fucked up, even as an adult. I still fucking can't let myself believe I'm worth anyone's love."

Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith, pulling him in close. Keith let him, laying his head on Shiro's chest. Shiro stroked Keith's hair softly, and he was so gentle and caring that it just made more tears fall down Keith's face. He could feel Shiro's tears fall as well, mixing with his own. 

"I love you, Keith," Shiro whispered to him. "I love you, and I always have. I would give anything to take away the pain you feel in your heart. Because you are _my_ heart." Shiro pulled away, wiping Keith's tears with a watery smile. "When you left, Keith, I lost a part of myself. I didn't feel whole, anymore. I lived and I worked and I laughed, but it wasn't...it just wasn't the same. It wasn't enough. Part of me was missing. Nothing I did or said, or anyone else said or did, could fix it. Because it was you. It was always you, Keith." He took Keith's hands, threading his fingers together with Keith's. "You saved me, over and over again," Shiro whispered, the tears still falling. "You never gave up on me, no matter what. And I just let you, without everything letting you know what it meant to me. What _you_ meant to me. And then...and then you were gone."

Keith's heart shattered at the words. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, but Shiro shook his head. 

"I'm sorry," Shiro said, his voice breaking. "I'm so sorry, Keith. I should have been able to save you, the way you saved me. But I'm here now. I'm here now, and I promise, with my entire heart, that I'll never leave you again. If you start to feel unloved I'll be there to remind you of how much I love you. I'm not going to let you fight this alone anymore. Because you aren't alone anymore."

"Shiro," Keith sobbed, and Shiro had his arms around him again, his lips pressing softly on the top of Keith's head. Keith's heart was surely going to burst, part of him refusing to believe that he deserved to be loved by anyone as wonderful as Shiro, and part of him bursting with happiness, hearing the words his heart had craved for so long. He needed Shiro. He needed his arms around him, his warmth, his comfort, his love. Because Keith had been empty without it, as well. His life had meant nothing to him these past few years, living day to day with nothing. No love, no comfort, no reason to even be alive aside from the fact that he believed that was his punishment. 

"You're okay," Shiro whispered to him, his chin resting on top of Keith's head. "You're okay. I promise you I'm going to make it all okay again. I'll do whatever you need me to do, okay? I promise, Keith."

 "Okay," Keith whispered, because he wanted to believe Shiro. He wanted to believe that the pain would end, and that Shiro would be able to take it all away and make it better. Because Keith was so, so tired. He was tired of being alone. He was tired of being that little, unloved boy. He was tired of being afraid of every relationship he'd ever had, because he'd been too afraid of the pain of losing it. He was just so, so tired. 

He just wanted to let Shiro save him. 

* * *

 

The next morning, Keith had some things he needed to do. 

He asked Shiro to drop him off at his apartment, so he could pick up his car. Seeing the blackened building hurt, but Keith was able to breathe through it. He assured Shiro he was okay, and let him go off to work as Keith got behind the wheel of his car. It was a small comfort to him, that something of his still existed. It was like a sign, a reminder, that the flames didn't have to take everything away. 

He drove to work to see Mr. Roberts. The old man gave Keith a big hug when he saw him, telling him how happy he was that he was doing okay. Keith let Mr. Roberts know that he'd be staying with Shiro for the time being, and that he'd still be wanting to come to work. But he had another stop to make, and as Mr. Roberts was the only one who would understand, Keith let him know what he was about to do, because Keith knew that there was a chance that a lot of things would change. 

"I'm proud of you," Mr. Roberts told him, his hand on his shoulder. "And I'll be here for you, no matter what you need. Just keep me updated. You will always have a place here at my shop, boy."

"Thank you," Keith said with a smile, and he actually pulled his boss into a hug. Mr. Roberts chuckled and patted him on the back. 

Once he was back in his car, Keith sat there a moment, staring at his cell phone. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself enough. He could do this. He had to do this. He had to, for Shiro. And for himself. 

He'd never had control when he was younger over the shitty things that had happened to him, but he needed to try and control the few things in his life now he did have control over. 

Keith pulled a card out of his wallet and dialed the number, his hands shaking. "Hello," he said, when the voice on the other end answered. "My name is Keith Kogane, and I need to see Dr. Atkins, as soon as possible." He squeezed his phone tightly. "I need to tell her that I'm ready to do whatever needs to be done."


	9. Chapter 8: Secrets

Keith sat alone on the exam room table, looking down at his feet. The room was cold, and every noise Keith heard was a bit jarring. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't like lying to Shiro, especially when Shiro had been so amazing the past couple days. It had been five days since Keith's apartment had burned. His landlord had called him to tell him that unfortunately, there hadn't been much left of his apartment after the fire. Keith realized how lucky he was that Shiro had shown up at his place that night. Keith was realizing how lucky he was with a lot of things, lately. All mostly, all those things lead back to Shiro. Keith really wasn't sure where he would be today without him.

Keith took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. He thought of Shiro, telling him he loved him, and that was enough to keep him from running out the door.

The door opened, causing Keith to jump. Dr. Atkins came in, glaring at him over her glasses. She was a middle aged woman with dark hair she kept tied back messily. She gave off a very motherly-like aura, so when she glared at Keith, he definitely felt like he was in trouble.

"Keith," she said, shutting the door and taking a seat. "Long time no see."

"Uh-hi," he said awkwardly.

Dr. Atkins sighed, pushing her glasses up. "So," she said, turning to the computer, "I got the results of the scans we had you take the other day." She pulled it up on her computer screen. "This a the initial scan you had with us back last winter." She showed it to him. Keith remembered it from the last time he was there. "You can see the tumor here," she said, though she didn't have to point it out for him. "And this was your scan from Wednesday." Another scan, almost exactly the same. "You might be able to see, the tumor has grown since the last time you were here. I can imagine your symptoms have gotten worse."

Keith bit his lip and nodded. Dr. Atkins turned away from the computer, so she could face him. "I told you we needed to take care of this months ago," she said sternly. "It's a slow growing tumor, but still a tumor. I know you were frightened by the idea of surgery. But I'm telling you, now, you don't have the liberty of taking your time. It may not seem like it has grown much, but you must remember that your brain is under increasing pressure. Today, or tomorrow, you might be okay enough to function. You might be able to pretend. But it's going to get worse, Keith, sooner or later. You could wake up tomorrow paralyzed. You could have a seizure. I could go on. But I hope you get the point I'm trying to make. This isn't going to get any better. Not unless you act."

Keith couldn't look at her. "So is surgery still an option?"

"Yes," she sighed. "I'm recommending we get on the phone with a surgeon today and schedule the procedure. I could probably get you in within a couple of weeks."

"The risks are the same?" Keith asked.

"Of course," she replied. "But let me say it as plainly as I can, Keith. Without the surgery, you will die."

Keith gripped his jeans. "I'm sorry to sound harsh," she said, softening a bit. "But I want you to have the surgery. I get people in here who don't have the chance that you do. Some people don't have a chance at survival. But you do. Plus, you are young, and otherwise healthy. You have pretty good odds, Keith. I'd hate to see you waste a good chance away."

Finally, Keith looked at her. He took a deep breath and nodded. "I understand," he said. "I'll...I'll do it this time. I'll have the surgery."

Dr. Atkins smiled. "What changed your mind, out of curiosity?" she asked. "Did my scare tactics work?"

He smiled. "No," he admitted. "I just...I'm not alone anymore. I found a reason fight."

She looked satisfied. "That makes me happy to hear," she said. "Because this isn't something that you could go through alone. Alright, then. I'll make some calls and see what we can do. I'll have someone from my office call you. You'll need to meet with the surgeon prior to surgery, and they will be able to help you with any questions you may have."

"Thank you," he said, and he meant it.

She nodded. "Is there anything else you need from me?"

"Well, if you could write me something for headaches," he said hopefully.

"Of course," she sighed. "I'll get your paperwork together." She stood up. "You're doing the right thing, Keith," she said. "I'm glad you came back."

* * *

 Keith sat in his car for a long time.

He'd known he was sick for months. He'd began having headaches last year, and as a precaution, the doctor had ordered some tests. He hadn't really wanted to even get the tests done, but the headaches were a pain and he wanted to get rid of them, so he went through and did the tests. And that's when he'd found out he had a tumor growing in his brain.

They had sent him to Dr. Atkins office after that. She'd broken things down for him and explained what it meant and what needed to be done. The moment she'd explained that they'd need to cut open his head, Keith had decided he didn't care. He didn't care if he had a tumor. It didn't matter. It didn't matter because _he_ didn't matter. Dr. Atkins explained that the surgery was dangerous, and if something went wrong that he could end up paralyzed, or brain dead, or...well, dead. And he stood up, said he wouldn't do it, and walked out and never went back.

The past few months, Keith had accepted what was happening to him. The only person he'd told was his boss, just because he knew that there was a possibility that one day he wouldn't show up to work. And Keith just kept living. He lived with the headaches and dizziness and exhaustion. It was just the icing on the cake, his brain tumor. The last gift from the universe to remind him of what a piece of shit person he must be. It surely had to be some divine punishment. He'd never been good enough, and he'd abandoned the only friends he'd ever had. Of course something like that would happen. It just was what he had deserved.

But now, things were different.

When Shiro first arrived in Seattle, Keith had thought that maybe, this was his last gift. He could make peace with Shiro. He could apologize for the wrongs that he'd done, and then maybe, he could just die in peace. But then...but then he'd realized that it was more than just a chance to say goodbye.

Shiro was giving him a chance to _live_ again.

He'd given Keith more happy moments these past few weeks than he'd had the past five years, even with all the bad shit that had happened. Shiro had been his wake up call. His reminder that sometimes, life was worth living.

And then, he'd been able to start reconnecting with the other paladins as well.

Maybe Shiro hadn't shown up in Seattle just so Keith could say goodbye.

Maybe Shiro had shown up to remind Keith of why he needed to live.

After that night Shiro had held him on his couch and told him how much he loved him, Keith knew what he had to do. If Shiro was going to fight for him, Keith would have to fight, as well.

But now reality was hitting him. He really had this tumor, and it had been getting worse. Keith had known, of course. He barely went a day without his head feeling like it was going to burst. But now...surgery. It wasn't something simple, either. This was a big  thing. A big, scary thing. So many things could go wrong. And he wouldn't be able to hide it from Shiro.

He'd have to tell Shiro the truth.

Keith gripped his steering wheel, resting his forehead on it. How was he going to tell Shiro?

Shiro was going to be angry with him. He was going to be angry that Keith had waited this long to do anything. He was going to be angry that Keith didn't tell him the truth sooner.

God, what a mess. But Keith knew this was his mess. And he had to take care of it himself.

But this was possibly even more terrifying than facing the paladins had been. Because Shiro had been so good to him. And Shiro had been working so hard with his new job. He had so much on his plate already. Keith didn't want to make things any harder for him. Not after everything he'd done.

Keith pulled out his phone.

Maybe if he told someone else, it would be easier.

Right?

Keith looked at his contacts. He didn't have many, but he had a lot more than he had the last time he sat in this parking lot.

At first he thought about Pidge. Pidge was smart. But then she might start overthinking. She might start telling him about all the technicalities of surgery or tumors or something crazy.

Hunk would be too emotional. He loved Hunk and all, but he didn't want to have to put this on him.

Lance? Were they actually talking? Lance might be good. But then again, they hadn't really gotten to the point of talking yet.

Keith sighed. He called Allura.

"Keith!" Allura seemed happy. "I'm so glad to hear from you, I've been worried! How have you been? I'm so sorry about your home."

"I've been okay," he said automatically. "I mean...Shiro's been really great. I don't know what I'd do without him."

"He loves you a lot," Allura replied, her voice warm. "I'm glad that he's there with you."

"Yeah, that's...." Keith sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Allura, can I...talk to you about something?"

"Of course," she said, sounding a bit surprised. "Anything."

"Okay," Keith said, taking a deep breath. "But can you promise me that you won't tell Shiro? Or Lance, or anyone? Until I...until I tell them myself."

"O-okay," Allura said slowly. "But you're making me a bit nervous now."

"Please, Allura."

He heard Allura sigh. The back ground noise diminished, as if she shut herself in somewhere quiet. "I promise. What is it?"

"Okay." Keith took a deep breath. He could do this. "I'm...I have a problem."

Wow, good job Keith. "Okay," Allura said again. "What kind of problem?"

"A...." Why was telling the truth such a hard thing to do? "A...brain tumor problem."

Allura was very quiet for a moment. "A-brain tumor?"

Keith sighed. "Yeah. I...I've had it for months."

"What?" Allura gasped. "What-what do you mean? Is it...are you-?"

"It's...they want me to have surgery," Keith said awkwardly. "They told me that months ago, but I didn't want to do it.  I went back to see the doctor today, and she said I have to have it now, or...."

Or, he would die.

"Oh, Keith." Allura sighed heavily. "I can't...." She was quiet for a moment. "You haven't told Shiro?"

Keith shook his head, and then realized she couldn't see. "No," he said. "I...I wasn't going to. I was just...."

"You were just what?" Allura's tone was suddenly stern. "Let yourself-?" But she couldn't say it.

"I'm sorry, I know, it's...I was a stupid." Keith sighed. "I was scared, Allura, and alone. But now, Shiro is here. And...I don't want to hurt him with this."

Allura was silent for a few moments again. "You need to tell him, Keith," she said. "It will hurt him, because he cares about you very much. But that's also why you need to tell him. You are going to do it, right? The surgery?"

"Yes," Keith replied. "I'll do it."

"Okay. Then I'll come."

Keith almost dropped the phone. "What?"

"I want to be there," she said. "Both for you, and for Shiro. Please tell me that is okay."

Keith bit his lip. He wanted to see Allura, but he'd wanted to see her in a better way. "Yeah, that's okay," he said at last. At least he could have the comfort of knowing someone would be there for Shiro.

"And you need to tell the others," Allura continued. "I can tell them, if you want me to. But it's better if it comes from you. And you need to tell Shiro, Keith. As soon as possible. I know it's hard." Her voice was soft again. "But he needs to know."

"Okay," Keith said again. "I'll tell him. I'll tell him tonight."

"Good. Keith...." Allura sighed. "I'm so sorry. I know you must be scared. I wish I could hug you."

He smiled. "You can hug me when you get here." His heart soared at the thought of her hug, even if the circumstances weren't the greatest.

"Thank you for calling me, and telling me," Allura said. "Please, keep me informed. And I'll let you know what we can do to get out there. I'll bring everyone out there if I can. You won't be alone, Keith."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You'll be okay," she said, sniffling. "You're a fighter if I ever knew one, Keith. Please take care of yourself."

"I will. Goodbye, Allura."

"Bye."

* * *

Keith sat in his car another good twenty minutes after he got back to Shiro's apartment, folding up his paperwork and shoving it in his pocket, along with the pills he picked up on his way home from the doctors office. Shiro had already texted him, wondering when he was going to be home. Keith had left work early to go to his appointment, but of course he didn't tell Shiro that. He'd texted him back and said he was on his way. But now that Keith was home, he didn't want to go upstairs. He didn't want to go upstairs and see Shiro's warm smile. He knew show much Shiro was going to worry. He'd already been worried enough with everything that had happened with Keith's apartment and his anxiety.

It had seemed so much easier when he was alone. When he was alone no one cared.

When was alone, he was willing to just let the tumor kill him.

Keith sighed and made himself get out of the car. His heart was racing as he climbed each step, and by the time he reached Shiro's door, he had to take a moment to breathe. He'd faced so much these past few weeks. But he did feel a little better after telling Allura. At least he'd said the words out loud. And once Shiro knew, at least there would be no more secrets, or lies. Shiro would know every little damaged part of him.

Finally, Keith pulled himself together enough to unlock the door and push it open. Shiro turned towards him, standing in the kitchen. He was cooking, and it smelled delicious. Shiro smiled at him, and for a second Keith just stood in the door way, unable to move.

"You okay?" Shiro asked with a frown.

Keith took a big breath and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. "Yeah. I'm okay."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More feels to come next chapter as Keith tells Shiro the truth :')


	10. Chapter 9: Confessions

Shiro knew that there was something off with Keith the moment he walked in the door.

He was already suspicious when Keith was home unusually late from work. Keith had been staying at his place for almost a week now, and Shiro was beginning to pick up on his habits. Of course, Shiro had also been watching Keith like a hawk, so he could notice even the slightest shift in Keith's personality. A forced smile, or becoming quiet, or picking at food. Shiro had been picking up all these things, all hints that told him that Keith was not 'fine' as much as he assured Shiro that he was. Shiro had meant it when he told Keith he wanted to be there for him and help him, but he was beginning to understand that it wasn't always that easy. Keith wanted to be better, and he didn't want to bother Shiro. He was so used to holding everything inside, and trying to get him to open up and talk about things was difficult.

The day after the fire, when they'd sat there on the couch together, was the first time he'd seen Keith really open up and let Shiro in. But the next day, Shiro could already see the wall going back up. It was frustrating, but at the same time, Shiro didn't want to push Keith, either. Everything just felt so fragile, and the last thing Shiro wanted was to make things harder. So when he started noticing the little shifts in Keith, he would do something small. Tell him a joke. Wrap his arms around him. Something to make him feel better. And it had been working, or at least helping. But it didn't solve the problem. He would  see the haunting look come back to Keith's eyes. It never stayed away for long.

When Keith walked in the door that evening, he just sort of stood there and looked at Shiro for a moment, his face pale and his body tense. Of course, when Shiro had asked if he was alright, Keith simply said he was okay and shut the door. But he remained quiet as Shiro made dinner, and he watched as Keith stared blankly out the patio doors, his mind clearly elsewhere. Shiro focused on finishing dinner, though it became difficult for him to concentrate and he nearly overcooked the pasta he was making. Once he was done he made up a plate for himself and one for Keith. Keith thanked him, with a small smile, and merely nibbled at his dinner rather than really eating it. Shiro tried to wait patiently, hoping that Keith would bring up whatever was on his mind, but by the time Shiro had finished his dinner, he realized it wasn't going to happen. Keith seemed like he was miles away, and he'd barely eaten a quarter of his pasta.

"Keith," Shiro sighed, pushing his empty plate to the side and placing his elbows on the table. "Please, talk to me. I can tell something's up."

Keith kept his eyes on his plate, but sat down his fork. Shiro watched as he took a deep breath. Shiro knew that Keith was trying. Keith's hands shook slightly as he fidgeted with a napkin. Finally Keith looked up. "Can we sit on the couch?"

"Sure," Shiro replied, standing up. Keith pushed his uneaten dinner away and followed Shiro to the couch. He sat as far away from Shiro as he could, as if he were afraid of him. Keith took a pillow from behind him and hugged it. Shiro wanted to reach out to him, but he had a feeling that it might make Keith feel worse, so he just waited patiently as Keith struggled with whatever he needed to say.

"You...you're going to be mad at me," Keith said without looking at him.

Shiro frowned. "Maybe you should let me decide that for myself."

Keith hugged the pillow tighter. "Shiro...." He bit his lip. "Shiro, I've been lying to you about something. Well not lying, exactly, but...not being truthful." 

Shiro felt nervous. "Okay," he said uncertainly.

Keith sighed and finally looked up at him. "I went to the doctor's, last winter. Because of my headaches."

Shiro's heart was beating a little more quickly. He had a very bad feeling all of a sudden, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear any more.

"They did some tests on me," Keith continued. "And...they found something. Th-they...they found a tumor. In my brain."

The words knocked the air out of Shiro's lungs. "A...a brain tumor?" he managed to say.

Keith nodded. "They told me that I needed brain surgery in order to remove it, or it would keep growing. But the surgery was very risky, and...I told them I wouldn't do it."

Shiro's brain was struggling to understand what Keith was saying. He could hear the words but not comprehend their meaning. "You-so you still have it?" he said, clenching his fists.

Keith sighed. "Yes."

Shiro stood up and looked out the window. He felt his body shake. "Your headaches," he said. It wasn't a question. It just made sense now.

"Yes," Keith said quietly. "The...the tumor has grown."

Shiro whipped back around. "W-what does that mean? Does-does it mean they-they can't-?" He couldn't. No. No. no no no _no_.

"They can still operate!" Keith said quickly. "But they have to now. Well, in a couple weeks."

Shiro couldn't take it. He couldn't accept this. His heart was racing. He couldn't even breathe. Surely this couldn't be real. "Shiro," Keith said, standing up, but Shiro backed away from him. "I'm sorry," Keith whispered. "I-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Shiro gasped, feeling his throat tighten. "What were you planning to do? Were you planning on waiting until the last minute?"

"No," Keith replied quietly. "I hadn't been planning on doing anything."

There was a heavy silence. The words hit Shiro like a blow to his chest. "You were going to let it kill you?" Shiro whispered, feeling nauseous.

"Look, I'm sorry!" Keith yelled, tears falling. "I was alone, Shiro. They told me the surgery could paralyze me, or take my memory, or leave me a vegetable, or I might just die there on the table anyway. "

"So what, you were just going-going to let yourself die slowly?" Shiro cried, his heart shattering into a thousand tiny pieces.

Keith sat back down, his shoulder slumped. "Yeah," he said, his voice hollow. "I...I thought it was what I'd deserved. For leaving. For everything."

"Oh god," Shiro sobbed, and Keith was up again, hugging him.

"I'm sorry," Keith said, squeezing Shiro tightly. "I'm so sorry. I know it was wrong. I know I was stupid. I went to see the doctor today, and I agreed to the surgery. I'll fix this, Shiro. I'm so sorry."

Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith, his touch, his warmth, his smell- everything so comforting to Shiro. How could it be, after everything, _everything_ they'd been through, that something like this could happen? Why to them? Why to _Keith_?

"I'll listen to the doctors this time," Keith told him. "I'll do whatever they want. I'll be okay. Shiro, please. I'm sorry."

Keith pulled away, making Shiro feel empty and cold as the tears continued to slide down his face. "I understand if you are mad at me," Keith said, looking down. "I understand if you don't forgive me for lying. I-I can leave. You don't have to-"

"Goddammit, you idiot," Shiro sobbed, pulling him back into his arms. "I'm not angry at you," Shiro told him. "Okay, I'm angry to think that you were just going to...." Shiro didn't say it. "But I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving Keith. And you aren't leaving me."

Keith looked up at him. "I don't know what's going to happen," he admitted.

"I don't care," Shiro whispered, taking Keith's hands in his. "I'm not going anywhere." He pressed a kiss to Keith's forehead. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Keith whispered back.

Keith pulled Shiro towards the couch, forcing him to sit. Shiro sank into the cushions. Keith lay his head on Shiro's chest, closing his eyes. Shiro rubbed his back, his heart clenching. Keith had been sick all this time. He'd allowed himself to suffer. He had felt so terrible about himself, that he had been willing to let the tumor in his brain kill him. Shiro couldn't even comprehend it. It hurt him too much.

"I'm sorry," Keith said for the millionth time.

Shiro sighed. "I'm sorry, too. Are you-" His breath caught. "Are you scared?"

Keith inhaled deeply. "Not anymore. I'm...I'm only afraid of hurting you."

"You're gonna be okay," Shiro whispered, and he had to believe it. He had to. "And I'll be there, no matter what. We'll get through this together."

"We'll be okay," Keith whispered. "We've gotten this far."

"That's right," Shiro replied, but his tears weren't stopping.

Keith mumbled something, but Shiro didn't understand. He felt Keith's body relax, and realized Keith had fallen asleep. He kissed the top of his head again, and let his tears fall as he held Keith close to him. There had been so many signs. He hadn't even thought of the possibility that there was something like this wrong with Keith. He'd thought Keith's tiredness and headaches had been due to his ongoing battle with his own thoughts and anxieties. Shiro couldn't help feeling like he had failed Keith miserably. How had they gotten to this point? Where had it all gone so wrong?

Why was the universe so goddamn set on causing them so much pain?

* * *

 Keith woke up the next morning, the sun just barely casting a warm glow over the city. He frowned; he hadn't remembered falling asleep. He was somehow squeezed on the couch with Shiro, Shiro's arm hanging over his side. Keith couldn't help but smile. Shiro was fast asleep. Keith was glad; Shiro needed his rest. The truth had about the brain tumor had been painful for Shiro. Keith hated it. He hated that he had to be the person to cause Shiro pain. That was the funny thing about love. It gave you so much happiness, but it also left you so vulnerable. Shiro had taken the news as well as Keith had expected him too. But at least now he knew. At least they could move forward from here. That's all they could really do. They had faced so many hardships already, and somehow they were still there. They were still together.

Keith slid out from Shiro's arm as carefully as he could. Shiro shifted slightly, but didn't wake up. Keith sighed in relief. He tiptoed to the kitchen and began a pot of coffee. He found his phone, and sent a message to Allura, letting her know that he had told Shiro the truth. He waited impatiently for the coffee to brew, pouring himself some as soon as there was enough for a cup. He went out on the patio, closing the door softly behind him. The morning air felt glorious. Keith took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air and beautiful view. He sipped his coffee, and let his mind wander a bit as the sun slowly rose over the city of Seattle.

So he made it this far.

He'd reconnected with Shiro. He'd at least started reconnecting with the other paladins.

His apartment had burned down.

He'd finally decided to live.

And he told Shiro the truth.

It was a lot. More than a lot. It was no wonder he'd been so exhausted, on top of the fact that the tumor was probably doing a number on him.

But in all honestly, Keith finally felt free.

He felt better than he had in months.

It was as if he really actually had hope back in his heart.

He and Shiro might really be able to be together.

He might be able to see his friends again.

He might be able to survive this.

He just had to get through the surgery. Keith was still terrified, especially when he started to think about all the things that could go wrong. But he tried not to think about it too much. After all, the most incredible, seemingly impossible things had happened these past few weeks. Shiro had been able to find him in a world of billions of people. And even more than that, he'd been able to forgive Keith, and had been able to love him.

If something as impossible as that could happen, surely Keith could survive a surgery. He could survive a tumor. He'd survived many times before. He could survive this, too.

He had too. He couldn't leave Shiro again. Not after everything that had happened.

The door slid open, and Shiro's arms embraced Keith from behind. "Good morning," Shiro said in his ear, and Keith smiled.

"Good morning."

"What are you thinking about?" Shiro asked him.

Keith leaned into Shiro. "Everything. I was just thinking about...how crazy it is that we are here. How we got here."

"Hm."

"I really think that everything will be okay," Keith said, turning to face Shiro. "I don't know how, but...I feel it."

Shiro smiled at him. "It will be," he said.

But Keith could tell Shiro was worried. Keith smiled and took Shiro's hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Can we go out for breakfast?" Keith asked him.

Shiro's face softened. "I'd like that."

* * *

That night, Shiro and Keith sat together on the couch, their fingers intertwined, as Keith told their friends over video chat about his condition.

Shiro couldn't help but admire the strength he had in him. He didn't falter as he told them about the tumor, and he answered their questions calmly. He told them not to worry, because he believed it would be okay. Keith had been amazingly strong all day, though Shiro had to wonder if that was for his benefit, because he didn't feel strong at all, as much as he wanted to be.

"I still want to come," Allura said as Hunk hugged Pidge and Lance looked at his feet.

"I want to come too!" Pidge said from under Hunk.

"A-a-and me," Hunk sobbed.

Even Lance looked up. "I'll be there," he said, his voice full of determination.

Keith squeezed Shiro's hand. "Thank you," he told them. "I should find out in the next couple days when exactly things are happening, and I'll let you all know as soon as I do."

"You are going to be okay," Lance said firmly. "You're too goddamned stubborn."

Keith grinned appreciatively.

"Lance is right," Pidge sniffled. Her eyes sparkled but the tears didn't fall. "You got this."

"And we'll be there for you." Allura smiled, and Lance put his arm around her.

"I'm gonna make you so much food," Hunk sobbed.

Keith laughed, and Shiro's heart swooned a little.

"I'm looking forward to it," he replied.

Shiro just looked at Keith, admiring every little thing about him. The good thing, the bad things. All his perfections and imperfections.

Shiro's heart surely would burst with the amount of love he felt for Keith Kogane.

Shiro promised Keith that he would protect him and make things right.

He hoped his love would be enough to save Keith this time. 

 


	11. Chapter 10: Pain

Shiro watched the rain hit the window of his little office, his mind anywhere but his work. It was still early; he'd dropped Keith off at the auto shop and then came straight to work afterwards, hoping to get as much done as he could. But he couldn't focus on anything. All he could think about was Keith. They were going to see the surgeon that afternoon, and Shiro was scared. He felt scared constantly, now. He was scared to leave Keith. Too scared to let him drive. Scared to let him go to work. Scared to be away from him. Shiro didn't want to be at work. But he knew he had to be. The semester had barely started and he couldn't afford to take any extra time off, especially not with Keith's surgery coming up. Shiro wasn't even sure if he'd be able to keep his job at this point. But he couldn't even bring himself to worry about it. He could only worry about Keith.

Shiro had spent every moment off the past weekend with Keith at his side. They'd hung out and ate food and watched movies like they didn't have a care in the world. It seemed to make Keith happy enough, but Shiro's reasoning for doing so had been because he felt like he just couldn't get enough of Keith. He just wanted to spend every waking moment with Keith in his arms. At night, he'd lie there, awake, and watch Keith sleep, the rise and fall of his chest soothing to Shiro.

Shiro was afraid that these might be his last days with Keith.

He didn't want to think that way. He wanted to be strong and sure and believe that Keith would make it through this surgery with flying colors. Shiro wanted that more than anything. But that didn't stop him from worrying. It didn't stop him from being afraid.

It didn't stop him from picturing Keith dying.

Shiro slammed his fist against the desk. It just wasn't fair. He had spent the last five years thinking of Keith, worrying about him, picturing all the terrible things that might have happened. And then he found Keith again, alone and broken is this rainy, foreign city. They had barely had time to reconnect. Shiro had already had to face the fact that he had failed Keith. He'd let Keith slip away and believe the most terrible things about himself. He hadn't loved Keith enough, and now, he may never get the chance to.

He'd barely gotten his heart back, and already the universe was trying to rip it away again.

How the hell was he supposed to concentrate on work?

He thought about Keith, living alone these past few months knowing a tumor was growing inside of him and doing nothing, _nothing_ about it because he believed he'd deserved it.

He believed he deserved to die.

Shiro's heart felt unbelievably broken. He knew he needed to be strong for Keith right now. Keith shouldn't have to be the strong one when he was about to walk into surgery.

It was just a lot to take in and process. And Shiro wasn't doing either of those things very well.

What Shiro needed was a punching bag. He just needed to yell or cry or hit something, and then maybe he would feel better.

His cell phone rang, making him jump. He grabbed it quickly, afraid something happened to Keith, but relaxed a bit when he saw it was just Lance calling.

"Hey, Lance," Shiro sighed when he answered.

"Hey Shiro." Lance sounded a bit timid. "Allura wanted me to check in and see how you were. She's been really busy, and, well, I haven't, so, I thought I-I would see how you were."

Shiro couldn't help but smile at Lance's awkwardness. "I'm okay," Shiro told him. "Just trying to process everything. We're going to talk to the surgeon this afternoon after my last class. Hopefully they'll give us a date for the surgery, and I'll be able to let you guys know."

"That's good," Lance said, sounding a little more relaxed. "At least he's getting it taken care of. He can get the surgery done and over with."

"Yeah," Shiro said quietly.

Lance was silent for a moment. "You're worried," he stated.

Shiro exhaled deeply. "Yes," he admitted. "I just...I don't want to lose him. These kinds of procedures...they're really risky."

"Yeah, but...it's Keith," Lance said, trying to sound confident. "He's young, and healthy. You know, minus the tumor and all. Sorry." Lance groaned. "I'm not good at this. I know you're scared, Shiro. We...we all are. But we will be there. All of us, together again! Team Voltron, reunited. We can conquer anything together."

Shiro's breath caught in his throat.

"Ah, shit, I'm sorry," Lance said quickly. "I always say the wrong thing-"

"No," Shiro said with a little chuckle, wiping his eyes. "You're right. I can't fall apart. Not now. He's going to need me. He's going to need all of us. I can't give up on him. I made a promise to be there for him."

"I'm glad you're there with him, Shiro," Lance said, with surprising warmth. "Just remember to take care of yourself, as well. It's okay to be afraid. Just don't let the fear take you."

Shiro took a deep breath. "Thank you, Lance."

"Any time, Shiro."

* * *

 Keith was waiting for Shiro outside the auto shop  when Shiro pulled up. He looked nervous, his arms wrapped around him as he stared at his feet. But when he saw Shiro was there, his face lit up. Shiro's heart surely skipped a beat. Keith climbed into the car quickly, trying not to get wet. "Why were you standing outside?" Shiro asked him, his protectiveness coming out. "The last thing you need is to get sick from standing in the rain." 

"I wasn't standing in the rain," Keith said with a small grin. "I was standing under the overhang." 

Shiro rolled his eyes and got back on to the road. They were mostly quiet as the drove, aside from Keith's directions. When they reached the hospital, Shiro felt incredibly nervous, and he could tell Keith was as well. Once they were out of the car, Shiro took Keith's hand and held it tightly. Keith smiled appreciatively at him but didn't say anything. It took them a few minutes to find where they were supposed to be going. Being there in the hospital, with the doctors and nurses and white walls and waiting room chairs made Shiro realize how very _real_ this all was. He was trying his best to keep it together and appear calm, especially since he could tell how tense Keith was getting. They kept their hands together, tightly clasped, holding on to each other and trying to comfort one another the best they could. 

Finally they called Keith back. A nurse led them to a room where they took blood work. Shiro had to look away even at the small needle being inserted, and then tried to remind himself that things were going to get a lot worse than a little needle and blood. 

"Are you okay?" Keith asked him, apparently unperturbed by the blood work. 

Shiro looked back around and forced himself to smile. "I'm fine."

"Don't worry, we're almost done," the nurse said soothingly. "After this, we're going to do some quick x-rays, and then you'll be able to meet the doctor and set your surgery date."

"Okay," Keith said, as she pulled the needle out and gave him a bandage. 

"You're doing great," the nurse praised him, and she smiled at Shiro as well. "Wait here just a moment."

Keith and Shiro were left alone for a moment. Shiro found himself utterly speechless, and he hated it. He was supposed to be encouraging and supportive, and he just felt overwhelmed and a bit sick. 

"You don't have to stay back here with me," Keith said, frowning at him. 

"N-no!" Shiro said quickly. "I want to be."

Keith smiled. "I know you don't."

Shiro sighed. "Of course I don't. Because I don't want this to be happening at all."

"I know," Keith said quietly. 

"Hey." Shiro took Keith's hand a pressed a kiss on his fingers. "Don't worry about me," he said firmly. "I promise you I'm okay."

Keith smiled but didn't look convinced. The nurse returned, and she took them to get Keith's x-rays done. That took a few minutes, and finally, she led them to another room to wait and talk to the doctor. 

"How are you feeling?" Shiro asked, noticing Keith take several deep breaths. 

"Overwhelmed," Keith admitted. 

Shiro stood up from the chair he sat in, and pulled Keith into his arms, as Keith awkwardly reached up to him from the exam table where he sat. Shiro felt a little better just standing there with Keith in his arms, and he felt Keith relax slightly as well. "We're almost there," Shiro whispered, stroking Keith's hair softly. "This will all be over and behind us before you know it. Everything will be okay, and we'll be together. And happy."

Keith chuckled. "Do you think it's possible? Something as simple as happiness?"

Shiro had to force his tears away. "I do. Because I have you."

Keith didn't say anything, but gripped Shiro more tightly. They stayed like that, until the doctor entered with an awkward cough, making them jump apart.

"Sorry to interrupt," the doctor said with a small smile. He offered his hand to Keith, and Shiro in turn. "My name is Dr. Castello, and I'll be the neurosurgeon assigned to your case."

Dr. Castello looked to be the friendly type. His eyes were warm and his smile was sincere. "You must be Keith," he said, and Keith offered him a smile. "And you are-?"

"Shirogane," Shiro said quickly. "Takeshi Shirogane. You can call me Shiro."

"Nice to meet you both," the doctor said, sitting down. "Shiro, I'm assuming you will be our point of contact throughout Keith's stay?"

"Um-" Shiro said awkwardly. 

"The person we will be able to give updates to throughout the surgery," the doctor explained patiently. "Preferably also the one to be there when he checks in and out of the hospital, as well as staying with him the first couple days after he arrives home."

"Oh-y-yes," Shiro said nervously. "Yes, I'll be there." He tried to sound more confident. 

"Good," Dr. Castello replied. "It's important that he has someone with him throughout this process."

Shiro couldn't help but feel a bit pressured by the doctors words. What if Shiro wasn't good enough? What if he broke down half way through? What if something went wrong?

Dr. Castello explained the technicalities of the surgery to them. Shiro found himself gripping his pant legs as the doctor explained how they would perform the operation, cutting open Keith's scalp and literally sawing through the bone of his skull. Keith looked pale as he sat there and nodded in understanding. The doctor explained that their goal was to remove the entire tumor, but there was a chance that they might not be able to. 

"What-what happens if you can't?" Shiro asked nervously. 

"Most likely, he will need radiation therapy to hopefully kill the remaining cells," the doctor explained. _Hopefully_? "Unfortunately with cases like these, there are no straight answers I can give you. There's really not much we can know until we are in there, and then again until after the surgery is over. The biopsy of the tumor will also be able to give us some answers."

Keith took another deep breath, closing his eyes. Shiro couldn't help it; he stood up again and took Keith's hand in his. Keith gripped his hand tightly. 

"What about complications?" Keith asked, looking at the doctor again. 

The doctor sighed. "Again, it's not easy to answer that. There are risks with every surgery, such as bleeding, infection, clots, or swelling. But the brain is a very powerful organ, that is also very unpredictable. The surgery itself could cause seizures, speech problems, muscle problems, and can impair memory and cognitive abilities, to name a few."

Shiro suddenly couldn't blame Keith for walking out of the doctor's office the first time. If he'd heard those words when he was alone and terrified, he wouldn't have been able to handle it. He could barely handle it now, imagining any of those things happening to Keith. 

"It is common for there to be short term symptoms following the surgery," Dr. Castello continued. "For example, you may have difficulty remembering things for a few weeks following the surgery. The brain can heal itself, but it does take time."

"So it might not be permanent?" Keith asked. "If-if something like that does happen?"

"That's right," Dr. Castello said with a smile. "You are young and healthy. Your x-rays and tests so far have been good. And we'll be here to help you along the way. If you need physical therapy, speech therapy, anything, it will be available to you."

Shiro felt a little better at the doctors words, and Keith looked a little calmer as well. "What about recovery?" Shiro asked. 

"Again, it depends," the doctor said. "Barring any complications, you'll be in the hospital for a few days. Once we release you, you'll need to make sure someone is with you for at least the first 48 hours, to monitor you." He nodded at Shiro when he said this. "Again it depends on the patient. You'll most likely experience some pain, nausea, and fatigue. The first week especially will require a lot of rest, and you will probably be very tired. Gradually you will feel better. There will be no lifting, driving, or working for at least a month following the surgery. It's very important that you don't push yourself."

Shiro could only imagine how much Keith would struggle with that, but Keith said, "Okay," and the doctor seemed satisfied. 

"I know it is a lot," Dr. Castello said. "I assure you that you will be in the best of hands. My surgical team is top notch, and we will be there for you every step of the way. We'll do everything we can to make this as easy of a process for you as we can."

Keith squeezed Shiro's hand again and looked determined as he said, "Thank you, Doctor."

Dr. Castello smiled. "I look forward to working with you, and getting you better," he said, shaking both their hands again. 

They set the surgery date for a week and a half away, the first week of October. 

* * *

 

 Keith stood on the balcony, looking out at the city lights. The world was still moving. Everything looked the same. People were still driving home, watching TV, doing whatever they were doing. People were out there, all around him, moving, living. Keith felt incredibly detached from it all. His head pounded with the familiar headache, and his emotions were toying with him yet again. 

The surgery was happening. It was happening just ten days from now. He'd have to walk into that hospital and be put under as they cut open his head and pulled a tumor out of it. He could end up not being able to walk, or talk, or remember who he was. He could die in the surgery, or even after. He thought of Shiro, waiting in the hospital waiting room. He imagined the doctors coming out to tell Shiro that he was dead. 

Shiro had looked so terrified at the doctor's office today. Shiro had been terrified ever since he'd found out the truth, and Keith could tell. He could see Shiro always watching him out of the corner of his eye. Shiro was terrified of something happening to Keith. What would happen to him if it did? Keith couldn't bear the idea of Shiro in pain. 

Why did he even bring Shiro into this?

Maybe he should just leave now. Run away again. 

 _No, no, no_ , Keith told himself furiously. That would only make things a million times worse at this point. 

He couldn't run away this time. 

 _He was causing Shiro this pain._  

He had to face this. He had to be strong. He had to believe everything would be okay. 

 _Shiro doesn't want this. Shiro doesn't deserve this. He came here to start a new job and be happy, not take care of Keith and live in fear of every bad thing that could happen_. 

He was going to live, and they were going to get their happy ending, because _GODDAMMIT_ after everything, after the war and Keith running away and finding each other again and this stupid tumor, they deserved to be _HAPPY_. 

"Hey." Shiro stepped onto the balcony. "I got in touch with Allura, and they are scheduling things and moving things around so they can come. She said she'd call me when they have everything set." 

He and Shiro would be happy, and no more bad things would happen. 

"Keith?"

Keith stood up and faced Shiro, his head aching, The world spun and he lost his balance, but Shiro was already there to catch him, falling to his knees with Keith in his arms.

"Hey, hey-" Shiro's voice was shaky. "Keith?"

"Tell me-" Keith closed his eyes tightly as he waited for the dizziness to pass. "Tell me what our life will be like."

"W-what?"

"When this is over," Keith whispered. "And we're happy."

Shiro was silent for a few moments, holding Keith's head to his chest. Keith listened to Shiro's heart beat as he waited. 

"We'll....We'll wake up in the morning," Shiro said at last. "I'll make some coffee, and we'll drink it together out here on the balcony, or if it's raining, we'll sit at the breakfast bar. I'll complain about the tests I need to grade and my students trying to make up stories as to why they missed their assignments. You'll complain about that guy you don't like at the shop, and we'll laugh at ourselves for complaining over silly things."

Keith took a deep breath, imagining it. A simple, every day life. 

"I'll get home from work before you, and start dinner," Shiro continued, and Keith could feel his tears falling. "Or maybe we'll just order in. We'll sit on the couch and watch something ridiculous on TV. Maybe, if it's a weekend, we'll go out to that little bar you like and have a beer, or go see a show in the city, or walk under the stars, and we'll hold hands and drink fancy little coffee drinks."

"You will, you mean," Keith said, and Shiro chuckled. 

"And then we'll come home," Shiro said, his voice barely a whisper," and we'll lay in bed, and I'll hold you in my arms. We'll fall asleep and have beautiful dreams. There will be no more wars, or tumors, or fear or uncertainty. And then we'll wake up the next morning, and your face will be the first thing I see, and we'll repeat the whole thing over. Our life will be completely boring, and ordinary, and wonderful. And we'll love every moment of it, because we'll be together."

Keith pulled away, the world finally deciding to settle around him. "I'd like that," Keith said, and Shiro smiled tearfully at him, his hand softly touching Keith's face. 

"Me too," Shiro whispered. "It's going to be beautiful."

Shiro helped Keith up. He was still a little unsteady on his feet, but Shiro was steady as ever, there to put an arm around him. Keith leaned into him, and pictured their future, their ordinarily beautiful life, and that was enough to keep him moving and make it through another night. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 
> 
> Next chapter, Keith will finally be reunited with the rest of the team <3 
> 
> I've fallen a bit behind on writing. I've been working a ridiculous amount on top of having to deal with things happening with my family, but I still hope to get a chapter out every day. This story has been helping me a lot lately, especially getting to read your wonderful reviews <3


	12. Chapter 11: Family

Shiro watched as Keith checked his reflection for what felt like the millionth time. His lips curved into a smile. "I told you, you look fine."

"I know, I know," Keith replied hastily. "I just...I haven't seen them in so long. I just want to make a good impression."

"You act like you never met them before," Shiro chuckled. 

Keith shrugged. "It kind of feels like I haven't. I'm different, and they are different."

They stood in the lobby of the airport, waiting for their friends' flight to arrive. Keith's surgery was in two days' time. The past week had flown by. Keith had already gone to his last day of work, and Shiro had already spoken to the university about his upcoming absence. They weren't too thrilled with him, seeing as midterms were coming up, and he was still very new. But they'd agreed to let him take the time off in the end, and he'd promised to try and at least be able to work from home so all he really needed was someone to cover him in person. Pidge had offered to come speak to the students as a guest, and that seemed to help Shiro's case a bit. They'd all heard of the research and studies Katie and Matt Holt had delivered to the field in recent years.

Shiro could tell that Keith had been nervous all day about the arrival of their friends. He'd asked Shiro over and over again what time the plane was coming in, and what time they would need to leave. He had changed his outfit several times, looking at his mess of dark hair in the mirror and trying to make it look more tidy, which didn't really help. Shiro couldn't blame Keith for being nervous, but he hoped that once their friends arrived Keith would relax. Their nerves had already been running pretty high with the upcoming surgery, and Shiro hoped having his friends around would be a good distraction for Keith.

"You weren't fussed about your appearance when you first saw me," Shiro reminded him.

Keith snorted. "I also really didn't have a chance to worry about it."

"That's true," Shiro said thoughtfully. That night in the bar seemed like another lifetime ago already. It was hard to believe it had only been about 2 months ago.

"Shiro!"

Keith froze and immediately stepped behind Shiro. Shiro turned and broke into a huge grin. There they were; Allura, Lance, Hunk and Pidge, all smiling and waving as they came down an escalator with their suitcases in tow. Shiro felt Keith put his hands on his shoulders, trying to peek but also trying to hide. Shiro reached back and grabbed Keith's hand, letting him know it was okay.

Once off the escalator Hunk ran at them, the others trailing behind. He pulled Shiro into a tight hug, yelling "I missed you SO much!" Shiro laughed and patted Hunk on the back. Hunk pulled away, looking over Shiro's shoulder, his eyes wide. Hunk's face melted into a teary grin and he swept Keith into the hug as well, hugging them both tightly.

"I missed you _both_ so much," Hunk corrected.  

Allura was there next, and like Hunk, she smiled through her tears as she joined their group hug. "Leave room for me!" Pidge called as she too jumped in, and Shiro couldn't help but laugh, and Keith laughed as well as they were engulfed in their team hug. 

"Um...." They broke apart as Lance stood there awkwardly, looking embarrassed. Everyone seemed to hold their breath as Keith looked at him and Lance stared pointedly away, his cheeks red. And then Keith smiled, and walked up to him, holding out his hand. Lance turned and looked at it, and then looked at Keith. Lance sighed and rolled his eyes, and pulled Keith into a hug. Keith hugged him back, chuckling. 

They were all together again. 

* * *

 "So Romelle, Coran, Matt, and James are the real MVPs," Pidge explained as they walked through the airport. "They're helping to keep our work and projects running while we are here. They all send their hellos and love to you guys, by the way," she added, throwing a look behind her shoulder at Keith and Shiro. 

Keith smiled but didn't reply. He was unbelievably happy to have his friends around him, almost like it was five years ago and nothing had ever changed. But things had changed. He watched as Lance took Allura's hand, and she smiled up at him. Pidge was taller and more mature. They had all had lives and experiences and jobs and _everything_. Everything was different. Keith couldn't help but feel like some kind of weird third wheel. Shiro at least had been with them all this time, so he didn't seem out of place at all. But Keith...he had left, and he hadn't bothered to contact any of them. He was an outsider now. 

Shiro took Keith's hand and squeezed it. Keith smiled, letting Shiro know he was okay. He noticed Pidge look between them and then look away, with a small knowing smile on her face. Keith felt his face go red but he didn't let go of Shiro's hand. 

"Are you sure you two don't want to stay with us as well?" Shiro asked as they finally got outside the airport. He was talking to Allura and Lance, who had gotten a hotel room down the street from Shiro's apartment. Pidge and Hunk would be staying at the apartment with Shiro and Keith. "I'm sure we can make it work."

"No, no," Allura said. "We'll be fine. I really don't want to overcrowd you guys. Plus, you said we are just down the street, so we are still close by."

Shiro helped Lance and Allura load their luggage into a cab. "Well, message me when you guys get settled. I know you're probably tired from traveling, so how about we make plans for the morning?"

"Sounds good," Lance replied. 

"We can go to that market!" Allura said excitedly, and Keith chuckled. 

"If that's what you want," he replied, and she beamed at him, and then gave him a hug. 

"I am so happy to see you," she whispered in his ear, and he hugged her tightly. 

She turned to say goodbye to Shiro, Pidge and Hunk, leaving Keith and Lance standing there awkwardly again. 

"Thank you for coming all this way," Keith said, rocking on the balls of his feet. 

"I'm happy to be here," Lance said, and then looked horrified. "Well, I'm not happy, that- you're like, getting surgery. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I'm-"

"Shut up, Lance," Keith said with a laugh, and Lance punched him in the arm. 

"Seriously though, I'm glad to see you, Keith," Lance said with a grin. 

"Alright, we should get going," Allura said, taking Lance's arm in hers. "We will see you in the morning then, and visit the market!"

"Sure thing," Shiro said as they all waved. Once Lance and Allura were in their cab, Shiro and Keith led Hunk and Pidge away, towards Shiro's car. 

"I can't wait to see your new place, Shiro," Hunk said. 

"Me too," Pidge added. "I've never been to Seattle before, so I'm excited to explore the city a bit."

"It's a pretty cool place, I think," Shiro said as they reached his car and got their luggage in the trunk. "Though it is cloudy and drizzles quite a bit."

Keith was quiet as they got in, listening to them talk. He wasn't really sure what to say, and found it easier just to listen instead. He looked out the car window as they pulled out of the parking lot, his mind drifting. He hoped it wasn't a mistake to have had his friends come. He really was happy to see them, but now that they were there, he realized he would have to try and get to know them all over again. They had a lot of catching up to do, and he had surgery in just a couple days. 

_What's the point of even trying when you might just die in a couple days anyway._

Keith took a deep breath, willing the thought away. His thoughts had been a mess ever since they'd set the date for the surgery. He was constantly in a battle with his own mind, trying his best stay positive and look strong. But his thoughts were constantly attacking him, making him doubt himself, making him doubt his intentions, reminding him of the mess he was currently in and the fact that all of this was his fault to begin with. 

"Keith."

Shiro's hand was on his shoulder. Keith jumped, realizing they were already at the apartment. He had dozed off- or just been really far into his own thoughts- and hadn't even paid attention to anything around him. Hunk and Pidge were already out of the car, getting their things. "You okay?" Shiro asked him, brushing his hair out of his face. 

"Yeah, I'm okay," Keith sighed. 

"I know it's a lot to take in," Shiro said. "But remember, they're here because they want to be. Because they want to be here for you."

Keith smiled and nodded, opening his car door and stepping out. He heard Shiro sigh and get out as well. Pidge and Hunk were standing on the sidewalk, waiting. Shiro led them into the building and up the elevator. Pidge asked Shiro questions about the neighborhood, though Keith suspected she was just trying to fill the silence. Hunk kept glancing at him, looking worried. Keith tried not to make eye contact. 

"Wow, this looks better in person," Pidge said in approval once they were up in the apartment. 

"The couches are all yours," Shiro told her and Hunk as they sat their things down. "Bathroom in the first door down the hall, and of course you can help yourself to whatever you want in the kitchen." 

He showed them around the apartment, and Keith took his chance and escaped out on to the balcony. He immediately felt a bit better, with the familiar view of city lights in front of him, the cool air hitting is face. He felt like he was being an awful friend, but he also wasn't exactly sure _how_ to be a friend anymore. After a few minutes of standing out there, he heard the door open and close behind him. Keith didn't turn to see who it was, expecting it to be Shiro. However, it was Hunk who spoke from behind him. 

"Hey," he said, and Keith turned to look at him. 

"Hey," Keith replied uncertainly. 

"Wow, what a view," Hunk said with a grin, standing next to Keith and looking out at the city. 

"Yeah, I like it too," Keith said. "I like to come out here to think."

Hunk nodded. "So...what are you thinking about now?"

Keith didn't answer at first. He remembered the time Hunk had been worried about his family, before the war had ended. He remembered how he'd awkwardly offered to listen to Hunk if he needed, and Hunk had found it so easy to talk to him. 

"Everything's just a little overwhelming right now," Keith told him. "I feel like....I guess I was just alone for so long, that I don't know how to be...the old me anymore."

Hunk smiled sadly at him. "You don't have to be the old you," he said. "You aren't the old you anymore. But that doesn't mean that you aren't still my friend. And with friends, you don't have to try and hide or be someone you aren't. You can just be yourself."

Keith looked at his hands. "The new me isn't that great."

Hunk clapped and hand on his shoulder. "You've always been too hard on yourself. I see the way Shiro looks at you. He certainly thinks you are great."

Keith went red. "Sh-Shiro is different."

Hunk chuckled. "You two always had something," he said. "I used to get a bit jealous of it, honestly."

Keith looked at him. "Really?"

"I'm not proud to admit it," Hunk sighed. "But I just really envied the way you two cared for one another. You both would do anything, put your own lives on the line, to protect the other."

"I would have done that for any of you," Keith said truthfully. 

"Aww, Keith," Hunk sniffed, hugging him. "I'd do the same for you, buddy. I still would."

Keith grinned. "So would I."

"See." Hunk ruffled his hair. "You aren't all that different. We're family, Keith. That hasn't changed. We just have a lot to catch up on, is all."

Keith's heart felt a million times lighter than it had when he'd stepped out on to the balcony. 

"I'd like that," he told Hunk. "I wish I could have contacted you guys sooner. We'd have more time."

"We have all the time," Hunk told him, frowning. "I'm not going anywhere."

Keith just smiled. "You're right." He looked inside, and saw Shiro and Pidge watching them. "We should head in there."

"Sure." Hunk reached and grabbed his shoulder before he opened the door. "You're gonna be okay, Keith."

Keith felt his throat burn. He just nodded. Hunk gave him a sad smile and squeezed his shoulder, and Keith opened the patio doors, stepping back in. 

* * *

Keith tossed and turned for a bit, but he was unable to get comfortable. Shiro was already fast asleep next to him, and Keith was worried he would wake Shiro up. Quietly as he could, he got out of bed and stepped into the hall. It was after midnight, and the apartment was quiet. Remembering Hunk and Pidge were asleep as well, Keith tiptoed down the hall and into the kitchen to get something to drink. He was startled to see Pidge awake, on her computer at the breakfast bar.

"Hello," she sad when she saw him. "Can't sleep?"

Keith shook his head as he pulled some juice out of the fridge. "You?" he asked.

"No," she sighed. "I know I'm not supposed to be working, but I was just laying there, and thinking, and I figured, might as well put my brain to work if I'm not sleeping anyway."

"That's a very Pidge thing to say," he said with a grin. "Want some juice?"

"Sure," she said, and he got another glass out. He poured juice for them both and then sat next to her, handing her her glass.

"I'd ask you what your working on, but I don't think my brain would understand it anyway," he said, and she giggled.

"Probably not," she said, taking a sip of her juice. "So...you and Shiro, then."

Keith choked on his juice. "W-what about us?"

She smirked. "Well, it isn't like it's not obvious. I mean, it was always pretty obvious. I'm just happy for you guys, is all. Shiro...after you left, he really took it hard. He just was never quite the same. But when I see you two together now, I can see he's different. He's better with you, if that makes sense."

Keith wasn't sure what to make of her information. "That's good?" he guessed.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, that's good." She studied him. "And what about you? How are you, really?"

Keith gripped his glass. "I'm...." He sighed. "I'm scared."

"Because of the surgery?" she guessed, and he nodded. "Understandable," she said. "But, just think. The doctors will get the tumor out of you, and then you can be on the road to recovery. You are young, and healthy, and strong. And you know Shiro will be there for you every step of the way. Plus, now you have us as well. We can stay as long as you need us."

He looked up at her. "But-your projects-"

She snorted. "Matt's still there," she reminded him. "And we have these wonderful systems-" She gestured at her computer. "These wonderful systems lets us communicate and work from anywhere in the world."

"Yeah, but-" He struggled with his words. "I just don't want you to go out of your way for me."

"Too bad," she said stubbornly. "We already have. Come on, Keith, don't be ridiculous. Our work, these projects, they'll still happen. But you need us. You are sick, and you need your family by your side. And that's what we are, Keith. We're your family, whether you like it or not. You aren't getting rid of us."

He just looked at her for a moment. It was hard for him to comprehend the fact hat after everything he'd done, they were still there, willing to help him and be there for him. 

"Keith," she said softly. "I mean it. I care about you. And you're right. This is scary. So we're here to make it a little less scary. I know it's been five years, and we're all older and things have changed. But...we went through something, all of us. We went through something together, and the bond that we have isn't so easily broken. For months you were all I had. You, and Shiro and Lance and the others. You were there for me when I wasn't even sure if my brother and father were alive. We fought in a war together. We nearly died together."

She was right. Keith remembered those days as if they were yesterday. They were some of the best, and sometimes the worst, days of his life. But they all meant something to him. It was the reason his heart had ached so badly when he'd left. Because he did love them. They were his family. He just hadn't believed that he had deserved their love. 

"I'm sorry Pidge," he whispered. "I'm sorry I left. I know I shouldn't have."

She smiled at him, her eyes rimmed with tears. "You're right," she said. "But you know how you can make it up to me? By making it through this surgery. And by believing that you will. I believe in the power of medicine, and science. But I also believe that the human mind is a powerful thing. You need to believe you'll be okay. Can you do that? For me?"

"I...." He almost said "I'll try," but he knew that wasn't a good enough answer. He wanted to be strong, for Pidge and for Shiro and for all of them. "I will," he told her. "I will make it."

She smiled, tears spilling over. "Good," she said, "because I'd be pissed at you if you didn't." She threw her arms around him, and he hugged her back. 

Keith felt that feeling light up in his heart again, that feeling that had been far out of his reach for so long. 

_Hope._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter went up so late; I had a pretty rough week >.< But writing this made me feel a little better <3 
> 
> Next chapter will have more family bonding so yay <3


	13. Chapter 12: Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small T/W: mentions of vomiting in beginning of chapter!

Shiro groaned and pulled the blanket over his head as he reached for his phone, his alarm blaring. They had planned to take everyone to Pike's Place Market today, which unfortunately meant waking up early. Shiro wanted nothing more than just to lay in bed. His constant worrying over Keith and the stress of the upcoming surgery had left him feeling exhausted. Surprised that Keith wasn't already up and urging him to get moving, Shiro pulled the blankets down and sat up, yawning. Keith was curled on his side. "We have to get up," Shiro said tiredly, nudging him. "The market, remember?"

Keith mumbled something that Shiro didn't hear. Shiro got up out of bed and stretched. He made his way around the bed, intending to go wake up Pidge and Hunk, when he heard Keith's voice and stopped.

"Sh-Shiro?"

Suddenly awake and alert, Shiro whipped around. He noticed now that Keith looked awful; his face was pale and his hair stuck to his face from sweat. His eyes were shut tight. "What's wrong?" Shiro asked, kneeling next to the bed.

"C-can-" Keith gulped. "Can y-you help me t-to the bathroom? I-I think I'm gonna be sick."

"O-Of course," Shiro said shakily. "Is it your headaches?"

Keith just nodded as Shiro helped him sit up and get out of bed. His legs shook dangerously, and Shiro worried for a second they wouldn't make it to the bathroom. Shiro was basically carrying Keith by the time they made it, and Keith collapsed in front of the toilet just in time. Shiro rubbed his back as Keith vomited, his hands shaking.

"What's wrong?" It was Pidge, her hair a mess from sleep, her glasses crooked.

"Can you get a glass of water?" Shiro asked her. "And a hand towel from the closet behind you?"

Pidge nodded and disappeared, reappearing in under a minute with the water glass and towel in hand. "Is he gonna be okay?" she asked, her voice small.

"Yeah, he should be," Shiro told her, flinching as Keith vomited again. Shiro took the towel and wiped Keith's forehead and mouth as Keith leaned back into Shiro, shaking slightly.

"I'm sorry," Keith gasped.

"Don't be sorry," Shiro said at once. "Is it passing?"

"I think so," Keith said weakly. Shiro waited until Keith's breathing had evened out before taking the water glass from Pidge, who was waiting quietly. Shiro helped Keith sip the water until it was about half gone, and Keith pushed it away, apparently unable to take any more.

Shiro handed the glass back to Pidge. "Can you bring this? I'm gonna get him back in bed."

"Do you need help?" she asked, but she needn't have; Shiro scooped Keith up easily, Keith wrapping his arms around Shiro's neck. Shiro walked Keith back to the bedroom, realizing how light Keith felt in his arms. Shiro placed him back on the bed gently, sitting next to him and brushing his hair back. Pidge had followed them, and placed the glass down on the bedside table.

"Does he need anything else?" she asked, brows furrowed with worry.

"Can you call Lance or Allura?" Shiro asked her. "Tell them we'll have to cancel on the market."

"N-no," Keith said shakily. "I'll be okay. I can go."

"No," Shiro said firmly. "You're not going anywhere."

"B-but-"

"No," Shiro said again. "You need to rest. You're in no condition to go walk around a crowded market."

"I'll go call them," Pidge said, and left the room.

"Shiro...." Keith looked up at him. His cheeks were flushed. "You should take them. Allura wants go to so bad."

Shiro smiled at him. "We can take her any time. It isn't going anywhere. She will understand. I don't want to leave you right now, so don't ask me to."

Keith sighed, too tired to argue. "Try and get some more sleep," Shiro told him. "It should help you feel better."

"I'm sorry," Keith said again, his eyelids fluttering.

"Shhhh." Shiro kissed his forehead. "No more I'm sorrys, okay?"

Keith didn't reply. He was asleep in minutes.

* * *

When Shiro finally left the bedroom, both Pidge and Hunk were up, and the kitchen smelled like coffee. Shiro fell heavily onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. Hunk poured him some coffee, adding the perfect around of cream and sugar before passing it to him. Shiro took it gratefully, taking a huge gulp and already feeling a little better.

"How is he?" Hunk asked.

"He's asleep," Shiro sighed. "He'll probably sleep for a few hours, and then he should be better. They had to wean him off his meds before the surgery, so unfortunately it makes dealing with his headaches harder. He's been doing okay all week. This is the worst I've seen it."

Shiro ran his fingers through his hair. Now that Keith was okay, he could feel how panicked he had been. His whole body felt shaky.

"Lance and Allura are on their way over," Pidge said, looking at her phone. "I think they're worried."

Shiro just nodded, taking a deep breath as he tried to pull himself together. Hunk patted his arm, and then turned to the fridge. "Why don't I make us all some breakfast?" he suggested.

"You're the guest," Shiro reminded him, but Hunk placed and hand on his shoulder.

"I want to help," he said. "You just sit there and drink your coffee."

Shiro smiled. "Thanks, Hunk."

Hunk looked satisfied as he turned back to the fridge, pulling out some eggs and bacon. "And thank you, for helping earlier," Shiro said to Pidge.

"Of course," she replied with a small smile, but her smile faded. "It's kind of a reality check, though. Like he really does have this tumor. I mean I believed it and all, but seeing Keith like that...." She sighed. "I guess it's just hard to see him like that when he was always so strong and steady before."

"Yeah," Shiro said, stirring his coffee absently. "It's hard for me, too. But I feel like it's even harder on him. I'm surprised he even asked for my help. I guess that's how I know when he's feeling really bad. Usually he tries to play it off."

"That sounds like Keith," Pidge sighed. "He was up pretty late, we stayed up and talked for a bit. Should I have made him gone to bed? I didn't really think anything of it-"

"It's okay!" Shiro said quickly. "It's not your fault. It's the tumor's fault."

"Okay," Pidge sighed in relief.

There was a knock at the door. Shiro got up and answered it. Allura and Lance were there, bundled in jackets and wet from the rain. Shiro let them in and took their coats, hanging them to dry.

"How Keith?" Lance asked at once.

"Better," Shiro answered. "He's asleep."

"That's good," Allura said sadly. "Can we do anything for him?"

Shiro shook his head. "He just needs sleep," he told her. "Hunk is making us all breakfast. Do you guys want coffee?"

"Yes, please," Lance said, sitting down next to Pidge. Allura stood  there awkwardly for a moment. "You can sit," Lance told her, but she looked at Shiro.

"Can I go check on him?" she asked.

Her worry pulled at Shiro's heart. "Of course," he said. "Last door down the hall."

Allura nodded and quietly walked down the hallway. "She was really worried," Lance told Shiro. "We figured it must be bad if you had to cancel the trip."

"Keith didn't want me to," Shiro sighed. "If it were up to him we would have still went. I think he felt bad because Allura seemed so excited to go."

Allura returned. "He's still asleep," she said. She took a seat next to Lance. "I was excited to go, but not at the expense of his health."

"He's just stubborn," Shiro said, with a small smile.

"Are you all right, Shiro?" Allura asked him, studying his face.

He sat up a little straighter. "I'm okay. I'm glad you guys are here."

Both Lance and Allura smiled at him. Lance pointedly brought up the rainy weather, complaining about how cold it was and how they wouldn't have been able to enjoy their day out anyway. Soon they were all talking, laughing and bringing up memories. Hunk served them all with a wonderful breakfast. For a moment, Shiro was able to forget anything was wrong. It just felt so normal, having them there with him as they drank coffee and ate Hunk's cooking, laughing over silly things. They caught him up on things that had happened since he'd left the Garrison, and Shiro told them stories of things he'd experienced since his move to Seattle. But of course that led him back to Keith, and he felt the familiar unease in his stomach. At least he'd been distracted for a little while.

"I'm going to check on Keith," he said, after the dishes had been put in the dishwasher and everyone was feeling lazy and full from their breakfast. He walked down the hall quietly, pushing open the door. Keith was on his side, his hair partially hiding his face. Shiro sat on the edge of the bed, and Keith shifted slightly. He opened his eyes and looked at Shiro, blinking several times.

"Hey," Keith said, his voice rough.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," Shiro said apologetically.

Keith sat up, leaning back into the pillows. "It's okay," he said, rubbing his temples.

"Here." Shiro handed him the glass of water. Keith took it and gulped it down. "How's the head?" Shiro asked, taking the empty glass for him.

"Better," Keith said tiredly. "Still there, but not as bad as it was."

"Keith?"

Allura was standing in the doorway. Keith looked surprised, and then embarrassed. "H-hey," he said, looking away from her. "I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah, Lance and I arrived a couple hours ago." She stepped into the room, stopping at the end of the bed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Keith replied automatically.

Shiro stood up. "Do you think you could eat? I can make you some toast."

"Uh...sure," Keith said uncertainly.

Allura smiled at Shiro. "I'll stay with him," she said, climbing on the end of the bed.

Keith still didn't seem to want to look at her. "All right," Shiro said. "I'll be back."

* * *

Keith looked at his fingers as Allura sat at the end of his bed and studied him. She was always very good at reading him, and in that moment he wished she wasn't. He felt ashamed at how sick he'd gotten this morning, in front of both Shiro and Pidge. He hated how weak he still felt, even after getting some sleep. He just hated being sick. He wanted to be the Keith that they expected him to be.

"You don't want me here?" Allura finally asked, breaking the silence.

He looked at her. "No, it's not that," he said, and that was true. "I just...." He sighed. "I'm sorry about the market. I told Shiro that he should still take you guys."

She smiled at him. "Don't be silly," she said. "We've barely just gotten to Seattle anyway. We'll have plenty of chances to go. Plus, the weather is terrible today. It's cold and rainy."

"That's Seattle," he said with a small grin. She relaxed a bit, and climbed over the bed so she was sitting next to him.

"I don't care if I never get to see any of Seattle," she told him. "I came here to see you, Keith, and Shiro as well. But thank you for thinking of my happiness, even when you are unwell."

Keith smiled at her. "Can I...can I ask you something?" he said, feeling a bit nervous. "And don't, like, get mad or anything."

She raised her eyebrows. "I suppose you can."

Keith sighed. "I'm just worried about Shiro," he said. "I don't know what's going to happen with this surgery, or what will happen after."

"Keith," Allura said, knowing where he was going.

"Just let me say it," he told her. He needed to say it. "Just promise me, if something does happen to me, that you guys will be there for him. I can't...I can't bear the idea...."

His words trailed off. They hurt too much. Allura had tears in her eyes, but she held herself together.

"It's not something that you have to worry about," she told him. "Because you are going to be just fine." She sniffled. "But...you know that we all love Shiro very much. We will always be family. I promise you that we will be there for him, no matter what happens."

"Just make sure that he isn't sad for too long," Keith said in a small voice.

"Oh Keith." She pulled him into her arms, and he didn't fight her. "Shiro loves you very much. If you were not here, he would be sad. I remember what he was like, when...when you left." Keith closed his eyes, his familiar guilt churning in his stomach. "When you love someone the way Shiro loves you, there is no other person who can fill that part of your heart. You can't ask him not to be sad for you. But Shiro also has a lot of honor, and I know he would want to honor your memory. I know he would want to live in a way that would make you very proud of him."

Keith felt the tears slide down his face. "Just remind him that I want him live a full and happy life."

"You'll tell him that yourself," Allura said, her voice shaking slightly. But Keith felt a little better. It felt good to know that he'd at least said the words out loud, and that he had been able to tell someone to look after Shiro. He wanted to be there, of course. He wanted to be the one to remind Shiro every day to smile. But just in case, he knew that Allura and the others would be there for him.

_Just in case._

* * *

Shiro stood outside the bedroom door, the plate of toast in his hand. His hands shook as Keith's words hit him like a knife in his heart. He wanted to yell. He wanted to yell and scream at Keith that he _wouldn't_ be okay. Because that was the truth. He wouldn't be okay if Keith died. His heart would break into so many pieces, that they would never be able to be put back together. He would be angry. He would be angry at the world for taking the one person he loved more than anything. He'd be angry at the doctors for not saving him. He'd be angry at Keith for not living. He'd be angry at himself for not being able to save him.

"Shiro?"

Shiro jumped, the toast falling to the ground. Lance was there, looking at him in concern.

"What-?"

"I'll get more toast," Shiro said, walking away quickly. He went back to the kitchen, sitting the empty plate on the counter. Pidge and Hunk were sitting on the couch and didn't take notice of him. He placed his hands on the counter and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He hated that Keith felt the need to ask Allura to look after him. He hated that Keith even had to think that way. Keith was always trying to care of him. He should be focused on getting better, and not how Shiro might feel if he died.

"Shiro." It was Allura. "I didn't realize you were listening." She placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry that you heard that. He wasn't trying to upset you."

"I know that he wasn't," Shiro sighed. "I just-"

" _Keith_!"

It was Lance's voice. Shiro ran back to the bedroom, Allura behind him. Lance was helping Keith back into the bed when they arrived. "What happened?" Shiro demanded.

"I'm fine," Keith answered for Lance. "My legs were just...wobbly."

"He tried to go after you," Lance sighed. "He moved quicker than I expected."

"I'm fine," Keith said again.

"No, you're not," Shiro snapped. "Otherwise you would not have asked Allura to take care of me."

Keith's face reddened. "Well excuse me for trying to have an honest conversation."

"Then stop pretending that you are fine all the time!" Shiro said, unsure of why he was yelling, but his feelings were spilling out of him as if he had no control.

"I do it to protect you!" Keith yelled back.

"Guys," Lance said loudly.

"I don't need you to protect me, Keith!" Shiro cried. "I need to you just- just _live_!"

"But I might _not_ live, Shiro!" Keith was breathing heavily, and silence fell among them at last. Allura and Lance both stood very still, looking between them. There were a few moments where nothing happened. And then Shiro felt his throat constrict, and the tears came afterwards, the real tears, the kind that stole your breath away and clawed at your heart and _hurt_ you. Shiro felt his knees give out and he buried his face in his hands, as the tears overtook him. Suddenly Keith was there, pulling him into his arms. Shiro wanted to scold him for getting out of bed again but he couldn't even find his voice to do so.

"I'm sorry," Keith sobbed, holding him, allowing Shiro to bury his face in his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Shiro."

"I-" Shiro could barely breathe. "I need you, Keith," he sobbed, hugging him even tighter. "You can't die, because I won't be the same if you do. I don't know how to exist in a world where you don't. I-" He gasped, all the pain and the fear taking ahold of him. "W-when you were gone before I felt like a zombie. I wasn't myself. I would think about you always. It was always you. You- you are everything to me. Y-you can't ask me to be happy if you die, because I won't be. I can't be. I can't-"

"I'm sorry," Keith whispered. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Please don't die," Shiro begged him, and he knew it wasn't up to Keith, but he begged him anyway. "I know how shitty things have been and I know that you felt your life wasn't worth living. But it is, Keith. Your life is worth _everything_. So please, promise me. Promise me you won't die. Promise me you won't leave me again. Please."

"I-I promise," Keith said shakily. "I promise, Shiro. I'll fight with everything in me. I promise I won't leave you. I won't leave you ever again."

Shiro pulled away at last, so he could look Keith in the eyes. "Just let me take care of you, okay?" he whispered. "Let me help you. Don't lie to me, and don't be sorry. Because this isn't your fault. A-and if you try to lie or push yourself and it just makes-makes you worse-"

"I-I won't," Keith told him. "I promise. I won't lie. And I won't leave you."

Shiro nodded. "Okay," he whispered, and Keith was kissing him, so warm and soft and _alive_. Shiro clung to him desperately, knowing that couldn't ask Keith not to die. It was out of their hands, in the hands of the doctors or gods or the universe or whoever made those decisions of who got to live or die. But Shiro needed to hear him say it anyway, because he needed Keith to live. He needed Keith to tell him he would live. It was selfish, but Shiro needed it. He needed Keith.

"I love you," Keith whispered to him, his forehead against Shiro's.

"I love you too," Shiro whispered back. "More than anything."

They sat there as their tears subsided, and finally Allura and Lance bent down and helped them to their feet. Shiro had forgotten they were even there, but he was thankful they were. Allura made them both get into bed, and neither of them argued. Her eyes were red but her voice was steady as she said, "Don't hold your feelings back from one another. It will only eat you alive if you do." She hugged them both tightly. "Take some time. Talk to one another." She pulled away and joined Lance, who looked like he felt very out of place. "We will be out there if you need us, or anything."

"Thank you," Shiro told her, and she smiled and took Lance's hand, leading him away and shutting the door behind them.

And Keith and Shiro talked.

They talked for what felt like hours. They talked about the things that made them angry. They talked about their fears, their passions, the things they wanted and the things they hated. They talked more openly than they ever had talked the entire time they had known one another. Shiro realized that he had never really spoken so truthfully to anyone in his life, and it felt as though he had a heavy burden lifted off of him. Keith looked at him with such love even when he admitted his every flaw, every embarrassment, every insecurity. Keith loved him, and Shiro wasn't sure how or why, but he had been given the love of most beautiful person he had ever met in his life.

And he would never let it go.

 

* * *

That night, they all sat together around Shiro's table and ate dinner together. They ordered pizzas and laughed and reminisced about old times. Shiro kept his hand in Keith's the whole time. After the food was finished and they were all getting tired, Shiro turned to Keith. "Tomorrow is the last day before the surgery. What do you want to do?"

Their friends watched as Keith considered it. "Well," he said. "If we can, I want to take Allura to the market." He looked at her, and she smiled. "And we can get breakfast and walk by the docks and you can sip your fancy lattes." Keith grinned. "And then....I want to go flying with you."

Lance choked on his soda. "Where do you expect to fly around here?" Pidge asked as Allura patted Lance on the back. 

Shiro just smiled. He didn't care what he had to do or who he had to ask. "Okay," he said. "Then that's what we'll do." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last chapter before Keith goes to the hospital :,) 
> 
> This chapter turned out a bit different than I thought it would, but hopefully it still sounds good ^^ I got quite into it at work last night and almost forgot to do my actual work paperwork on time xD


	14. Chapter 13: Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are slightly shorter than the others, but mostly because that's just where it felt right to end things off each time :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

They got a rare treat from early October Seattle the next morning; the sun was actually out, giving them the perfect weather to actually go out and enjoy the city. They all woke up early, Keith thankfully feeling much better today, and got dressed and ready to go. They met outside Shiro's apartment, Allura and Lance taking the short walk down the street to meet them. Shiro grudgingly let Keith drive his own vehicle, since there was no way they could all cram into Shiro's car. Allura and Lance got in with Keith, Hunk and Pidge rode with Shiro, and they set off for downtown Seattle in the early morning sunlight. 

"This city is quite beautiful," Allura said excitedly as she looked out the window from the passenger seat. "It's a shame that you must deal with it being so dreary all the time."

"I don't mind, really," Keith chuckled. "I guess you just get used to it."

"Seems depressing to me," Lance yawned from the back, clearly not as excited as Allura was. 

"Oh Lance, try to be more enthusiastic," Allura scolded him. "After living at the Garrison for so long, this city is definitely a breath of fresh air, as you say."

"I guess you have a point about that," Lance sighed. 

"Though, it is no Altea," Allura said. "I don't think any city on Earth can compare to Altea."

"Well, Altea was magical after all, and like, thousands of years more advanced," Lance reminded her. "So I don't think you could compare them anyway."

They continued their rather polite bickering the entire car ride, though Keith didn't mind. He actually found it quite amusing. Finally they reached Pike's Place, and Keith was able to park close to Shiro. They all got out and made their way down the sidewalk together. They found an open cafe and went in, ordering coffees and pastries. Keith was reminded of the first time he had taken Shiro down there weeks ago, the memory making him feel warm inside. That was the first time he and Shiro had really started to let their walls down with one another. They'd come so far since Shiro first arrived in Seattle. Keith himself had come so far. He was a lot different than the Keith that Shiro had met in the bar. 

After their coffee and pastries, everyone was definitely more awake and excited. Even Lance seemed to be enjoying himself. Pidge may have had a bit too much sugar and caffeine; she was spilling out facts about Seattle, about the market, about ferryboats, about fishing- pretty much anything she saw that she knew something about, she would tell them. Hunk was taking a million pictures, and kept making them stop to pose in selfies with him. Allura kept shouting, "Lance, look!" at random things and dragging him around. Shiro and Keith walked hand in hand, enjoying watching their friends' excitement. The Market was soon alive with people. Hunk wanted to buy a bunch of fresh foods, but Shiro had to remind him that they wouldn't be home for a few hours, and Hunk probably wouldn't want to be carrying food around with him all day. Allura got sucked into a bunch of little touristy shops selling t-shirts and post cards, and Lance sighed as he bought her a blue t-shirt with the Space Needle on it. Pidge dragged them to original Starbucks store, saying she had to go to it, and they had to stand in a line that went all the way out into the street. 

Even with all the silliness, Keith realized that he was actually enjoying it. He laughed and joined in on their selfies, letting them drag him all over to see things he'd already seen before. And he loved every second of it. Even with the surgery just hours away now, Keith couldn't feel sad or scared. He was with Shiro, and he was with his paladin family, and he couldn't remember a time when he'd felt this happy and free. 

"Alright guys," Shiro announced as they got close to lunch time. "We have somewhere that we have to be now. But we aren't far, so if you'd just follow me."

"Where do we have to be?" Keith asked, and Shiro smiled at him.

"You'll see," he said as he took Keith's hand and led the way. "I had to pull some strings to make it happen, though, so I really don't want us to be late."

Keith was extremely curious, but Shiro wouldn't say anything more. The others didn't seem to mind at all; they were enjoying the view of the water and the city, eating snacks they'd gotten at the market. Finally, after walking silently for a few minutes, Shiro stopped them in front of a sign that said _Parasail Seattle_. 

"What's this?" Pidge asked. "Parasailing?"

Shiro grinned sheepishly. "I know you said you wanted to fly," he told Keith. "And unfortunately, there was just no where close enough that I could find in enough time to do any kind of real flying, so." He gestured at the sign. 

Keith couldn't help it; he burst out laughing. "You're amazing," he told Shiro, and Shiro smiled widely as Keith threw his arms around him. 

"How romantic," Allura said from behind them. "Lance, you must take me on the parasail. What is a parasail, anyway?"

"You'll see soon enough," Shiro said, and he led them inside. He talked to the people at the desk, who smiled widely and beckoned them in. Before he knew it, Keith was sitting beside Shiro in a harness on a boat as they described safety and procedures to them. Allura, Lance, Pidge and Hunk all watched excitedly from the pier, waving and taking pictures. Shiro took Keith's hand as the boat started, and gently, they are off, slowly floating higher and higher over the water. The view was incredible; they could see the entire city, Puget Sound, the Space Needle, and it was even clear enough to see the mountains in the distance. The sunlight reflected off the water, with dazzling sparkles. The air was cool and refreshing, and Keith felt incredibly free as he held Shiro's hand and glided gracefully in the air. 

"This is incredible!" Keith told Shiro. It almost felt like they were gliding through space. Keith could close his eyes and picture it. 

"It is," Shiro agreed. He looked like he was quite enjoying it himself. "It's beautiful up here!"

Keith would have gladly stayed up there all day with Shiro, but sadly, after a few more minutes, they felt it ending as they started to descend back to the boat. Keith and Shiro were both grinning broadly by the time they rejoined their friends, waiting for them on the pier. 

"How was it?" Hunk asked them excitedly. 

"That looked like so much fun!" Allura squealed. 

"It was," Keith said, and he couldn't stop grinning. He looked at Shiro. "It was perfect."

Shiro smiled warmly. "When this is all over, and you're feeling better, I'll take you out flying for real."

"Deal," Keith said, and Shiro kissed his forehead. 

"I want to go on that," Allura said, pointing at the Ferris Wheel. "Can we?"

"Oh god," Hunk mumbled. 

Shiro chuckled. "We can, if you want. We might have to wait in line for a bit."

"Yes! Yes! Please! Come on Hunk, it will be fun!" Allura grabbed Hunk's arm and led him towards it. "You humans have to many fascinating machines I have yet to try."

"I thought Lance was going to take you parasailing," Hunk moaned. "If I throw up on you, you can't get mad at me-"

"Oh come on, Hunk, you were a paladin of Voltron," Lance snickered. "You should be used to heights by now."

"Yeah, but- ferris wheels are big and slow and open- not safe at all-"

"Actually, a majority of accidents that happen on ferris wheels are due to the riders not paying attention to the safety guidelines and rules," Pidge told him. "Just don't go hanging off the side of it like an idiot."

Eventually Hunk caved, and soon enough the six of them got a cabin to themselves and were lifted up into the air. Pidge, Allura and Lance all took over Hunk's photographing as Hunk sat there nervously. But even Hunk seemed to enjoy the view of the city and the water and as they rose higher over the pier. 

"All this time I lived here and I never spent this much time down here," Keith told Shiro as they looked out at the water. "I never been on here. I didn't know they even had parasailing."

Shiro chuckled. "Well now that I'm here, I'll make sure you get out a little more. There's a whole world out there for us to explore."

"When we're living our perfectly ordinary life," Keith told him. Shiro smiled softly and brushed Keith's hair with his fingers. 

"That's right."

Keith had never been so excited of the idea of something as mundane as a normal life. 

* * *

 Hunk insisted they stopped by the market on the way back, and he bought a bunch of food to make for dinner that night. They found their cars, and Keith found himself back in the car with Allura and Lance, Allura insisting that Lance take her Parasailing at some point, and Lance struggling to try and explain to Allura why they call it the 'Space Needle' when it isn't a needle or in space. By the time they were back at the apartment, Keith was more than happy to sit with Shiro on the couch as Pidge, Lance, and Allura all did their part in helping Hunk cook dinner. 

"Thank you for today," Keith told Shiro as he snuggled into Shiro's chest. "I think it was the best day I've ever had."

Shiro smiled. "I think it was my best day as well," he said. "Definitely the best I've had in a long time."

"It's crazy after everything we've been through, isn't it?" Keith asked him. "Our lives were nothing but...fighting, and war, and...." Keith sighed. "I feel like my life has been a war since the moment my father died. Like there was always something out there. Always something fighting against me. It even was myself at times. And now it's my own body."

"Just one more war," Shiro whispered to him. "One more war, and we'll finally be free."

Keith was silent for a moment, absently tracing over the lines on Shiro's palm. "Hey Shiro?"

"Hm?"

"When this is over...can we get a dog?"

Shiro just looked at him a moment, and then started laughing.

"What?" Keith said defensively. "What's wrong with a dog?"

"Nothing." Shiro kissed him. "I just love you, is all. Of course we can."

"Dinner is ready!" Hunk called out proudly, and Shiro and Keith turned to see the table completely full of colorful, delicious looking plates of food. Pidge, Lance, and Allura all looked quite proud as well, and they all sat down to eat together.

"I need to move here," Hunk said seriously. "I'd be at that market every day."

"Only tourists like the market," Keith reminded him. "You'd hate it after a week."

"I could open my own restaurant!" Hunk continued, ignoring him. "Imagine all the business I would get!"

"I believe you'd be very popular," Pidge agreed. "If you were to make meals like this every day? I'd come eat there."

"What, are we all going to end up moving to Seattle now?" Lance said jokingly, but the others seemed to consider it. 

Keith couldn't help but start to feel tired as he filled up on food, their long day out catching up to him. He couldn't keep up with their conversation, or barely even keep his eyes open, as he sat back in the chair, fully content. It had been a good day. He wasn't even that nervous about tomorrow. He was as ready as he could ever be, and he had the ones who loved him by his side. They'd defeated the worst villains of the universe together. Surely they could beat anything, even a lousy tumor. 

"All right," Shiro told him, and Keith started, realizing he'd been falling asleep. "I think it's time for bed. You have to be up early to leave tomorrow."

Silence fell across the table at Shiro's words, and Keith realized everyone was looking at him. He barely had time to feel embarrassed before Hunk was on him, pulling him to a big hug. 

"You're gonna do great tomorrow, buddy," he cried, squeezing him. "I'll make you a bunch of treats so you don't have to worry about eating that gross hospital food."

"Thanks Hunk," Keith chuckled, and then Pidge was there next, hugging him almost as tightly as Hunk did. 

"Don't forget what we talked about," she said. "You're going to be okay. Don't worry. We'll all be here for you."

"I know," Keith told her, and she smiled at him. Next came Allura, wrapping him in her arms. 

"I had so much fun today," she told him. "Thank you. We will have many more fun memories to come." She pulled away, her eyes sparkling. "You will forever be a paladin of Voltron," she whispered. "You have a soldier's spirit inside of you. You will fight, and you will win."

"She's right," Lance said, with a half smile. "You were our leader, and you helped lead us into the most impossible of victories. You might not have realized your strength, but we all do. We are all proud to stand beside you."

Keith felt his tears start to fall as they all engulfed him into a hug, and he felt stronger in that moment than he had in years, as if their words and their energy gave him the strength he needed to fight anything. 

"I love you guys," Keith told them. "Thank you for coming. I don't know if I could do this without you."

Finally the broke apart, everyone smiling and teary eyed. Shiro took Keith's hand, and led him to the bedroom. Keith changed into his night clothes and crawled into bed, Shiro climbing in with him and snuggling in close. Keith looked at Shiro, studying every little detail of him, remembering everything, appreciating everything. 

"Are you okay?" Shiro asked him. 

Keith smiled. "Yes," he said, and for once, it was the truth. "I just want you to stay with me."

"Of course," Shiro whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'll stay with you always."

Keith closed his eyes, feeling safe and warm in Shiro's arms, and let himself fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. 

No matter what happened, he was thankful for that one perfect day with Shiro and his family. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing this chapter, I have an urge to write a sequel with all the paladins living their lives out in Seattle xD 
> 
> Next chapter is Keith's surgery :o stay tuned!


	15. Chapter 14: Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized today this story will be coming to and end soon, and that makes me sad :')
> 
> I also realized this is the longest fanfiction I've ever written :o I started writing fanfic in 2007, and back then, reaching 10,000 words full story seemed like such an accomplishment xD 
> 
>  
> 
> Anywho, there are some feels in this chapter. Brace yourself, friends!

When Shiro's alarm went off the next morning, Keith only had to lay there for a few seconds before the realization hit him of what day it was. It was still dark outside; it was only quarter to five in the morning. Keith couldn't help but be overcome by fear. Today was the day he'd be dreading. It was the day he had never wanted to come. He'd been terrified of having this surgery since before Shiro had even shown up in Seattle. He wanted nothing more to just roll over in bed and pretend nothing was happening. But he couldn't do that. He had to face it. But he didn't want Shiro, or his friends, to know how terrified he actually felt. He took a deep breath, willing his fear to go away. He'd just have to pretend he was okay. Maybe if he pretended for long enough, he'd start to believe it himself. 

"Are you up?" he heard Shiro ask sleepily. 

"Yeah," Keith said, giving himself another moment to pull himself together. He just needed to focus on what needed to be done. So he got up, got dressed, brushed his teeth, and began gathering all the things he'd need while he was staying in the hospital. It should only be a few days, and if he did forget anything he knew that Shiro could always grab it for him. Shiro was up and moving as well, and he didn't say very much, making Keith wonder if he was scared as well. 

They made their way out to the kitchen, Keith's bag packed with everything he could think of. Pidge sat up, rubbing her eyes as Keith and Shiro pulled on their jackets and shoes. She shoved Hunk and he sat up quickly, looking startled. 

"What's going on?" he asked, eyes half open. 

"Nothing," Keith told them. "We're just getting ready to leave."

"But-" Pidge stood up, shoving her glasses on. "Don't you want us to go with you?"

Keith smiled. "No, it's okay. The surgery won't start for a few hours. We need to do all the paperwork and everything before I'm even admitted, so you don't have to worry about coming now. Go back to sleep for a couple hours. One of us can text you when we're done with all the boring stuff."

Hunk and Pidge looked at one another uncertainly. Keith grabbed his keys off the counter and dropped them into Pidge's hand. "Here are the keys to my car, and the apartment," he told her. "I won't be driving for a while, so it's all yours for now. Just don't drive crazy or anything." He lowered his voice. "Do me a favor and pick up some coffee and breakfast for Shiro on your way in. He's gonna need it, and I know he won't be thinking about it himself."

Pidge smiled and him and hugged him. Hunk did the same. "We'll be seeing you soon, then," she whispered. "We'll pick Allura and Lance up and be there as soon as you say."

"Thank you," he said, hugging them both. 

Shiro waited patiently, watching him with a strange look on his face. He smiled when Keith looked at him, though, and picked up Keith's bag. "Are you ready?"

No, he definitely was not ready, but he really didn't have a choice. "Yeah, I'm ready."

He joined Shiro, taking Shiro's hand in his. Shiro was nervous; Keith could feel it radiating off of him. But like Keith, he was trying not to be. 

"Let's go then," Shiro said. They waved goodbye to Pidge and Hunk and stepped out of the apartment. Keith tried not to imagine that it was for the last time. 

* * *

 They drove in silence through the quiet city streets, the sun just barely starting to brighten the sky. Keith tried to concentrate on anything other than the surgery. He thought about Shiro, and his friends, and how much fun they'd had yesterday. He thought about their perfectly domesticated and boring future they'd planned. He thought of Shiro letting him get a dog. He thought about Mr. Roberts and the auto shop, and wondered if he'd gotten anyone to cover Keith while he was gone. He made a mental note to ask him, wondering if perhaps Hunk would be interested. Before he knew it, they were pulling into the hospital parking lot. Keith had successfully distracted himself for the drive, but now that they were there, it was getting harder and harder to swallow his fear. 

They collected their things and made their way into the hospital, hands still locked together. They checked in and were directed to booth where they started to fill out the ridiculous amount of paperwork. Keith was tired, and hungry, and really wanted to be anywhere else in the world than filling out insurance information. Once they were done there, they took Keith and Shiro up to a room where he'd be until it was time for his surgery. The sun was out now and the hospital was coming to life. Shiro sent a message to Pidge to let her know that they were free to come now as Keith changed out of his clothes and into a hospital gown. He had some sort of scan to go to before the surgery, so all that was left now was to wait. 

Shiro sat down in the chair next to Keith's bed. "They're on their way," he said, putting his phone away. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just ready for this to be over," Keith sighed. 

Shiro smiled at him, but it didn't mask the worry in his eyes. "You're almost there. You'll be back home with me before you know it."

Shiro took his hand, kissing the top of it. Keith managed a smile. A nurse came to take him to get his scans done, meaning Shiro had to wait behind. Keith hated leaving Shiro. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. He just wished things weren't so out of his control. He'd faced dangerous situations before, of course. He'd fought many battles with Voltron and the Blade of Marmora. But he'd always had control. He had control of his body and was able to make a plan and fight to survive. But this was different. He was handing his life over to some doctors, and trusting them. He had no control over their scalpels as they dug into his brain. And he hated it. He hated not knowing. He hated not being the one to decide his fate. 

The tests went by quickly enough, and when Keith returned to his room, all of his friends were there waiting for him. He smiled as they each took turns hugging him. Shiro looked a bit more relaxed, and Pidge had followed through with bringing him coffee and food. 

"So when do you go in?" Lance asked, sitting on the edge of Keith's bed. 

Keith looked at the clock. "Soon. It's scheduled in about forty minutes, so they'll be down here shortly to take me up and get me ready."

"You're doing to do great," Pidge told him with a reassuring smile. 

"Are you feeling okay?" Allura asked him worriedly. 

"I'm okay," he told her. "I'm...I'm that much closer to being rid of this thing, right?"

"Right," Hunk agreed enthusiastically. 

"We'll be here, whatever you need," Allura told Keith, hugging him again. 

"Yeah, don't worry about a thing," Lance added, holding up his fist. Keith returned his fist bump. 

Pidge and Hunk hugged him together, making him feel like a sandwich. Keith's eyes found Shiro, who had stood back a bit, giving the others their chance. Allura saw Keith looking at him. 

"All right, everyone," she said, standing up from her spot on the bed. "I think Keith and Shiro deserve a moment together."

"Of course," Hunk said, finally releasing him. "We'll all be out there, waiting for you."

"Thank you," Keith said, hating to see them walk away. "I love you guys."

"And we love you," Allura told him, squeezing his hand. "We'll see you after surgery."

"Bye," he whispered, and he hated feeling like this was their final goodbye. They all backed out, smiling sadly and waving, until it was just Keith and Shiro left in an uncomfortable silence.

Shiro took his seat next to Keith's bed, taking Keith's hand in his again. 

"You're scared," Keith whispered to him, and Shiro tried to smile, but it didn't work. 

"I'm trying not to be," he admitted. 

"Me too," Keith replied. "It's just all so real now."

Shiro nodded. "What...." He cleared his throat. "So what are we naming the dog?"

Keith grinned in spite of the situation. "I don't think we can name it until we meet it. You know, we have to get a feel for it's personality."

Shiro grinned. "I suppose that's true. And hey, we'll have an excuse to get out and walk more with a dog."

"We will," Keith said. "As we are living our boring, ordinary life in the city. Walking the dog after a long day at work."

"Everyone will envy our ordinary life," Shiro whispered. "Because we'll be happy, and in love, and free."

"No more fighting," Keith said, squeezing Shiro's hand. 

"No more fighting," Shiro agreed. 

A nurse came in. "I'm sorry," she said with an apologetic smile. "We have to take you up now."

Keith's breath caught in his throat, and he squeezed Shiro's hand even more tightly. 

"Hey." Shiro kissed his forehead, his tears falling onto Keith's face. "You're going to be okay. It's going to be okay. We're going to get our perfect life together."

"Okay," Keith said, and he kissed Shiro, never wanting to let go of him. The nurse cleared her throat, and they broke apart, Shiro resting his forehead on Keith's. 

"I love you," Shiro whispered. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

"I love you," Keith replied, and the nurses started to move his bed, and he could feel Shiro's hand slipping out of his, and it was so _scary_. He needed Shiro. He didnt want to do this. He wasn't ready-

"Shiro," he whispered tearfully, but Shiro couldn't follow him this time. 

"I love you!" Shiro called after him, and someone was holding him back. "It's going to be okay!"

And then Shiro was gone, and Keith felt more alone than he ever had in his life. 

They took him to the operating room, explaining to him what was about to happen. Keith just nodded, afraid that he might be sick if he opened his mouth. If he could just not think about it, pretend he was somewhere else. This wasn't going to be it. He was going to be okay. He had promised Pidge he'd believe that. He'd promised Shiro he would survive. They were all out there, waiting for him. He couldn't let them down. He wouldn't. He wouldn't die today. 

A few months ago, he believed he didn't care if he died or not. 

But he did care. He wanted to live. He wanted to live, and grow old with Shiro, and experience the love and pain and fear and joy that it meant to be _alive_. 

"Alright." They were injecting him with the anesthesia now. "I'm going to count back from ten. You're going to start feeling sleepy. Don't be afraid."

Ten. Nine. 

He would be okay. 

Eight. 

He loved Shiro so much. 

Seven. Six...

Keith let it take him. 

* * *

 A nurse led Shiro out to the waiting room, letting him know he'd be getting updates periodically throughout the procedure. He barely nodded at her. Lance was there, and he took Shiro's arm and led him to a chair. Shiro felt like he was out of his own body; Lance was speaking to him, but he had to focus on him to understand what he was saying. 

"Shiro." Lance voice was firm. "Just take a breath. Breathe in, and out."

Shiro did as he was told. "Did something happen?" Allura asked nervously, Hunk and Pidge huddling behind her. 

"N-No," Shiro answered, taking another deep breath. He had to pull it together. He couldn't afford to fall apart now. "He's okay. I just...it was just hard to watch them take him."

His friends relaxed a bit. Allura and Lance sat on either side of him. "Keith is strong," Allura reminded him, patting his hand. 

"I know," Shiro sighed. "I know."

"So what now?" Lance asked him. "How long will it take?"

Shiro leaned back in the chair. "It all depends," he replied. "At least a couple hours, but it could go on for quite a while, depending...." _Depending if anything went wrong_. "I'm his contact, so they said that they'll come out here and let me know how he's doing, and when the surgery is over. We won't be able to see him right away either, so...it will be a little while."

 "You should eat," Allura said, handing him the food they had brought him. "You will need to keep up your strength for Keith. He is going to need you."

Shiro smiled and took it. "Thanks." Though he really didn't feel like eating, he took a few bites of cold fast-food hash brown. Pidge pulled out her phone and was browsing through it. Hunk put headphones in and closed his eyes, still tired from their early wake up. Lance muttered something about taking a walk, and Allura stood up to follow him. "I'm fine," Shiro told her, as she looked at him with hesitation. She nodded and followed Lance, wrapping her arm in his. Shiro closed his eyes, doing his best to keep calm. He tried not to think of all the things he should have said, or done. He tried not to think about how scared Keith had seemed when they took him away. He just focused on the here, and now. All he could do now was wait. It would do him no good to worry about the things he couldn't change. 

And so the waiting began. They were the longest, most agonizing hours of Shiro's life. 

* * *

 

At first, Keith saw nothing but darkness. His body felt strange, like he was both heavy and light at the same time. His head ached, and he was tired. Slowly, he regained his sight. The last he remembered, he was in the hospital. But he was a million miles away now. He was surrounded by vast emptiness, and familiar, terrifying cosmos that he had seen once before, and had wished to never see again. 

He looked at his hands; they seemed to flicker between being solid and transparent. His heart clenched. This couldn't be happening, not now. He had promised Shiro. He had promised him he would be okay. Surely this was just a dream, or some kind of crazy side effect or hallucination from the drugs he was on. He couldn't be back on the astral plane. Because he couldn't die. 

"No," he whispered, his voice sounding strangely distant. 

There was no one there to answer him, or comfort him. His body continued to flicker, as if it couldn't decide if he was staying or going.

Keith thought of Shiro, Shiro's warmth, Shiro's smile, Shiro's voice, his arms around him. If this was it, and he was really dying, then he wanted Shiro to be the last thing he remembered.

" _Shiro_."

 


	16. Chapter 15: Hinderance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting close to the end < / 3

Each minute had passed slowly, and painfully.

One hour. Two hours. Shiro had walked around. He drank coffee. He looked at his phone. He talked to Pidge about his classes. He listen to Hunk's stories about his nieces and nephews. He watched as Allura put her head on Lance's shoulder, and Lance stroked her hair. A nurse had come out to see them the first hour. She said that Keith had went under anesthesia fine, and was doing well. She came back the second hour, to tell him that Keith was stable and everything was going well so far. He went to the cafeteria and got some soup. He came back to the waiting room and barely ate it. Pidge and Hunk were playing some kind of game together on their phones. Allura had fallen asleep, and Lance looked like he wanted to move but was afraid of waking her. The nurse came out again, and again just said that things were going well so far, and hopefully they would be finished within an hour or so. But she didn't come back the next hour. And the doubt started to take over Shiro's mind. He started to wonder. He started to worry. Was no news good news? Was it bad? Did it mean the surgery was over? Or had something gone wrong? 

Shiro buried his face in his hands. He was exhausted, and overwhelmed. He couldn't stand the waiting, the not knowing. He just wanted to see Keith. He wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. 

" _Shiro_."

It happened so quickly. Shiro felt as if he was being pulled. He was there in the hospital, and then he wasn't. But he knew where he was. He's spent more than enough time there. The stars and emptiness terrified him. And then there was Keith, flickering as if he were a flame, and his eyes met Shiro's. He was scared. He reached for Shiro, but Shiro couldn't move. 

And then, just like that, he was back in the waiting room. 

Shiro gasped and nearly fell out of the chair. Hunk, Pidge, Lance and Allura all jumped, looking at him in alarm. 

"Keith," he gasped, feeling a terrible, painful emptiness inside of him, like someone had cut out his heart and left him with a big, gaping hole. 

"Shiro?" Pidge asked uncertainly. 

"S-something's wrong." Shiro stood up, shaking from head to toe. The others stood as well, coming to his side. "K-Keith- he-he-"

"What are you talking about?" Lance said sharply. But they couldn't understand. And he wasn't sure how to explain it to them. 

"Something is wrong," he told them again, and they looked alarmed. "I can...I can feel it. Th-that's why they haven't updated us."

He turned and ran to the nurses desk. "Please," he said, and they looked at him warily. "Has anyone heard anything about Keith? Keith Kogane?"

"Someone will be out to update you-" one of them started, but Shiro couldn't hear it. 

"Something is wrong!" he told them desperately, and Hunk was there, pulling him away. 

"Don't freak out," Hunk told him. "We just have to wait and see. I'm sure that they'll be out to talk soon-"

Shiro pulled out of Hunk's grasp. "I can feel it," Shiro whispered. "Oh god, I can feel it."

Hunk looked utterly lost. He turned to the others for help, but nobody seemed to know what to do. 

"Why can't they get out here?" Lance asked angrily, though no one answered him. Allura put her arm around Shiro and led him back to the chair. Shiro let her, and he let her hold him, stroking his hair as he clung to her. He wasn't ready. He wasn't prepared. Things weren't supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to get a dog, and complain about their jobs, and drink coffee and go for walks and live the life Shiro had promised him. They had survived war, and separation. Shiro had spent five years not knowing where Keith was and if he was even alive. And after all that, he had found him again. 

Had he found Keith just to have him ripped away from him again?

Was that really possible? Was life really that cruel?

"Don't give up," Allura whispered to him. "Please, Shiro. Don't give up hope. Not yet."

He thought of Keith, alone and afraid, reaching for Shiro. 

_Please_ , Shiro begged. _Please, Keith. Find your way back. I don't know how to get to you. Please_. 

_Don't go where I can't reach you._

They sat there silently, waiting, waiting, waiting. 

And then finally, Dr. Castello himself came out into the waiting room. 

The world stopped spinning. 

Shiro held his breath. 

Everything moved so slowly. 

And then, the doctor saw him, and smiled. 

"Mr. Shirogane," the surgeon said, walking over to him. Shiro couldn't move. Allura, Lance, Pidge and Hunk were all watching as well, holding their breath, Allura's arms still around Shiro. The doctor pulled up a chair. "Keith made it through the surgery. We moved him into recovery."

He heard the others sigh in relief, and Allura was hugging him, and Lance collapsed into a chair, and Shiro tried to process what the doctor's words meant. 

"He's...he's okay?" he asked, afraid to let himself feel the relief the others felt.

"He's stable, yes," Dr. Castello said. "And we were able to remove the entire tumor."

"Oh, thank goodness," Allura cried, and Pidge and Hunk were hugging each other. 

"We did have a little...hiccup," Dr. Castello continued. "After we removed the tumor, his blood pressure began to fall. Surgery like this is very stressful on the body, you see. Things got a little scary for a few moments. He...he flatlined."

Flatlined. 

_Died._

"But," the doctor continued hastily, seeing their horrified looks. "we were able to get him stabilized. We will be watching him closely, of course. We will be moving him to our Neurological ICU soon, once he starts waking up a bit."

"S-so will he be okay?" Lance asked nervously. 

"Like I said, he is stable and doing well," the doctor said. He didn't want to say the words _yes he'll be fine_ , because he didn't want to make a promise he couldn't keep. "Complications are always a worry, but we will be monitoring him closely. And once he is more awake, we will have more of an idea of how he is functioning. But remember, we were able to get the tumor out. That in itself is a blessing."

"You-you're right," Allura said, smiling at him. "Thank you, doctor."

"Yes," Shiro said, feeling a strange mix of relief and horror. "Thank you."

The doctor nodded. "Someone will come get you when he is able to have visitors. I'll be seeing you again soon."

Dr. Castello left them. They all sat there, in silence as they tried to comprehend what the doctor had told them. It made sense to Shiro now, seeing Keith. Something _had_ gone wrong. Keith had died. But they had been able to bring him back. Keith was okay. _Keith was alive_. He told himself that over and over until he finally felt like he could breathe again, the tears of relief streaming down his face. 

"He's okay," Allura told him, hugging him tightly. "He's okay now. They got the tumor out, too. See, everything will be okay."

"I can't believe he flatlined," Hunk said hollowly, and Pidge punched him in the arm. 

"But he's okay now," she reminded him firmly. 

"But...he...."

"All right, let's go for a walk," Pidge said, pulling Hunk by the arm and leading him away. 

"I saw him," Shiro whispered to Allura. "On...on the astral plane. He...he called for me. He was reaching for me."

"No wonder you panicked," Lance sighed, placing a hand on Shiro's arm. 

"Well, maybe seeing you was what he needed," Allura said soothingly. "He saw you and he was able to fight. And he did fight. He came back, Shiro. And he doesn't have the tumor anymore, right? This is good. He made his way back to you."

Shiro just nodded. He pulled out of her arms, standing up and rubbing his eyes. He would be able to go in and see Keith soon, hopefully. He didn't want to look a mess when Keith saw him. He didn't want to give Keith any reason to feel upset or scared. "I'll be back," he told Lance and Allura, and he found his way to the bathroom, to splash some cold water on his face. He did indeed look terrible when he saw himself in the mirror. 

_He made his way back to you._

He took a few deep breaths, and the cold water helped clear his head a bit. They had made it. They'd made it through the surgery, even if it wasn't without its detours. Keith had made it through in the end. They could do this. 

Shiro returned to the waiting room, impatiently waiting to see Keith again. 

* * *

Some time later- it could have been minutes or hours, Shiro had stopped counting- someone came to tell them they could see Keith. They asked to limit it to just a couple of people at a time, so the others insisted that Shiro go first. Allura asked him if he needed her to go with him, but he told her he was okay. He needed to do this by himself. The nurse led him away, explaining things to him along the way. They had removed the tube that helped Keith breathe, and he was breathing on his own. He'd been waking up slowly, and it was normal for him to be tired. He had remembered his name and wiggled his toes. All good things, the nurse said. Shiro just nodded and tried to prepare himself to see Keith. 

"Here we are," the nurse said, and fear gripped Shiro's heart as he looked into Keith's room. It was overwhelming. Keith looked small in a bed surrounded by machines, tubes snaking out of his body. The side of his head was covered in gauze, the hair beneath shaved away. He looked so fragile, and it was scary for Shiro to see him like that. "You can go in," the nurse told him with a smile, and he willed his legs to move. He sat in a chair next to Keith's bed. Keith was asleep, the machines beeping rhythmically. Shiro hesitated, and then took Keith's hand in his. His hands were warm, and alive. _Keith was alive_. 

"We'll be in and out to check on him quite a bit, so if you notice anything or have any questions, let us know," the nurse told him. "He'll be in and out of it for a while, and that's okay. It's good to hold his hand and keep him calm."

"Okay," Shiro said, his voice sounding more high pitched than usual. The nurse smiled and left, leaving Shiro listening to the beeping of the machines and the sound of Keith's breathing. 

Shiro felt the tears coming again. He had tried so hard to keep them away, but the day was catching up with him, and seeing Keith look so small and fragile was too much. Keith had almost died. He _had_ died. It had happened so quickly. It was terrifying to Shiro how quickly he was there, and then gone. And he knew that Keith was alive now, but that didn't take away from the terrifying fact that he almost hadn't made it through. 

"I love you," Shiro whispered, and he wished he could hold Keith in his arms and make everything better. But he couldn't, and it made Shiro feel so very helpless. 

Keith's eyelids fluttered. Shiro sat up straight and squeezed Keith's hand. Keith's fingers grasped him weakly. 

"Keith," Shiro whispered. Keith opened his eyes slowly and looked at him. He blinked a couple times. Shiro smiled, and he was still crying, but he didn't care. "Hey," he said, rubbing Keith's hand. "I love you so much."

Keith closed his eyes again. Shiro thought he'd fallen back asleep, but then Keith looked at him again. "Sh-Sh-" Keith struggled with his words, his voice barely a whisper. 

"You don't have to talk," Shiro told him, his heart beating rapidly. Keith's fingers twitched in his. He looked at Shiro again, and he looked afraid and confused. It scared Shiro, but he tried to stay calm. "Just rest," he told Keith. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Sh-Shi...." Keith tried to say his name one last time, and then his eyes closed again, and he was asleep.

* * *

 

Everything was confusing. 

He could hear sounds, but they didn't make sense. His body felt heavy, like he was covered in a lot of blankets. Someone shined a light in his eyes. He felt something in his throat. It felt like he was choking. Was he choking? 

They took it out of his throat, and he gasped and sputtered, and his head hurt, and he was tired. 

They shined lights again. Someone was talking to him. 

"...your toes for me. Just move them a little."

Move his toes. He tried it. Did they move?

"Good. Do you feel my finger? Can you squeeze it?"

Keith moved his fingers. "Good. Can you tell me your name?"

Oh god, it was too much. He was too tired. He tried to concentrate. Why was it so hard?

"K-" His throat burned. "K-Kei...." He mostly got it out. 

"Good, Keith. You're doing great."

He tried to look at them, but everything was bright. Everything was in and out. They said something about moving. They shined lights at him again. Keith wanted to sleep for a long time, and not think about anything. 

"I'm going to go get your friends," a voice said, though Keith wasn't sure if time had passed or not. Keith listened to the beeping of machines, and he drifted, like he was floating, like he and Shiro floating on the parasail above the pier. 

_"I love you so much."_

Someone took his hand. It was a familiar hand this time. Keith tried to return the grasp, but his fingers were weak. It was Shiro. Keith knew it was Shiro. He tried to open his eyes. 

"Keith?"

Keith blinked, taking everything in. He was in a hospital room. There were machines. He felt so tired. And Shiro was there, and Shiro was crying and holding his hand. "Hey," Shiro whispered, and Keith felt him rub circles on the top of his hand. "I love you so much."

Keith wanted to tell Shiro he loved him, too. "Sh-" The words didn't want to come. "Sh-" _Shiro_. He wanted to say Shiro.

"You don't have to talk," Shiro told him. "Just rest. Ill be right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Keith was so tired, but he wanted to say Shiro's name. It scared him, that he couldn't. If he could just say Shiro's name, then he would feel better. 

"Shi...Sh...." He tried, he really tried, but it was too hard, and everything went black again. 

The next time we woke up, things were a little clearer. 

A nurse was there, checking the machines. Shiro still had his hand. He felt another hand, on his leg. He blinked, and found Shiro's face. Shiro smiled at him. "Hey," he whispered. 

"Oh good, you're awake," the nurse said, and Keith looked at her. Just moving his head a little hurt. "Can you tell me your name?"

Keith took a deep breath. "Kei...Kei....th."

The nurse frowned, but said "Good," which confused him. "Do you remember where you are?"

The hospital. The hospital. He just had to say it. "H-hos..hos...pi...tal." Why was it so hard?

"Okay," the nurse said. 

"Is that-is that normal?" Another voice. Lance?

"We'll let the doctor know," the nurse answered, and it scared Keith. He looked at Shiro, and Shiro looked scared too. But Shiro smiled at him, and kissed his fingers. 

"You're doing great," Shiro told him, and Keith wanted to believe him. 

"Shi...Shi...ro." 

"I'm here," Shiro whispered, smiling, but crying. "You're gonna be okay. Don't worry. It's okay."

Keith tried to smile, and he tried to believe Shiro, but he felt the fear, the confusion, and he knew that something was wrong with him. 

* * *

The doctor came by at last. Keith had been in and out of it, and Shiro sat there, telling him he was okay and doing good, but Shiro was scared. What made it worse was he could tell how scared Keith was, trying to say simple words and struggling. Dr. Castello came in, with another doctor who was a neurologist, and they made Keith do many of the same tests that the nurses had been doing. They asked Keith a couple of questions, and Keith still struggled to answer them. It was like he knew the words, but didn't know how to say them. Lance took over Shiro's seat so Shiro could go out in the hall and speak with the doctors. 

"What's wrong?" Shiro asked them immediately, trying to keep his composure. 

"We're noticing some muscle weakness on his left side," Dr. Castello told him, "as well as the obvious speech difficulty. He knows the answers. His memory seems to be there, as well as his understanding and recognition. He's just having difficulties forming the words."

"It's not uncommon, with cases like his," the other doctor explained. "His brain will need to heal itself, sort of rewire itself now that the tumor is out and the surgery is over."

"Well...how long will that take?" Shiro asked them. 

"We'll keep working with him," the doctor said. "It's only the first day, today. But the more we work with him and the more he practices, it will get easier for him. It might take him a few weeks to return to what he was before."

Shiro sighed deeply. He was exhausted. The day had been too much. "A-and you said his left side-?"

"It's weaker than his right," Dr. Castello said. "Again, it's something that we will be able to work on and help him with. He can still move okay, he'll just need to build his strength back up. We'll see how he is in a couple days, and go from there. Let's just try to take it one day at a time, okay?" Dr. Castello put a hand on Shiro's shoulder. "I know it's a lot," he said. "But he is incredibly lucky, even if it may not seem like it right now. Just keep supporting him like you have been."

"I will," Shiro said, and the doctors nodded and shook his hand, leaving him standing out there in the hallway, feeling incredibly overloaded. He stood in the doorway and looked into Keith's room. Lance had taken Keith's hand, and he was talking to him. He was telling him about the day that he and Allura had gotten married, and how beautiful she had looked. Keith blinked a few times, the smallest of smiles appearing on his face, and then he closed his eyes, falling back to sleep again. 

 

 


	17. Chapter 16: Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is here, with epilogue added at the end <3 
> 
> Longer A/N at the end <3

Keith lay in his bed, and watched Shiro sleep. 

He was glad that Shiro was sleeping. It seemed like Shiro hadn't slept at all since they had come to the hospital. They had moved Keith out of the ICU last night, after spending nearly a full 24 hours there. This room was much nicer, and it had a window and a recliner, which Shiro was currently passed out in. It was early in the morning; the clock read just after six. Keith was almost glad to have a moment to himself, without Shiro or nurses or doctors or Allura or anyone huddling over him. They had all seemed so intent on letting him know that he was doing well and everything would be okay. But Keith was frustrated. It was hard for him to talk. He knew what he wanted to say, but he struggled to say it. The doctor explained to him that there were bridges of sorts in his head, and some of the bridges were damaged during surgery, so he had to rebuild the bridges. It sounded ridiculous, but it made sense. And Keith still hated it. 

They had tried getting him out of bed last night, but it didn't go well. He'd barely been able to walk a couple steps. They told him that he would try again today, and that they would work on it every day and it would get easier and better. Just like his words. But Keith was impatient. He didn't want to wait days or weeks for it to be better. He wanted out of the hospital bed. He wanted to go home and move on with his life. He hated feeling weak. He hated that he couldn't even talk to Shiro without stumbling over his words. 

The door to his room opened. Keith expected it to be a nurse, but it was Hunk. He tiptoed in, and saw that Keith was a wake and grinned. Keith smiled, but didn't say anything. The doctors told him it was good to talk, but he was too tired right now. Talking just made him frustrated. 

"Good morning," Hunk whispered. "I didn't expect you to be awake." He sat a brown bag down on Keith's bed tray. "I picked you up some croissants, fresh from the oven," he said, sitting down. "Everyone else is still asleep, but I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so." He yawned. "How you feeling?"

Keith just shrugged, but even shrugging hurt. He'd had a constant, dull headache that radiated down into his neck and shoulders. But it didn't bother him much. He could deal with pain; it was the stuttered words and weak muscles that bothered him. 

"Did you get some sleep at least?" Hunk asked, and Keith nodded. "That's good. Oh, and I talked to your boss last night, like you asked." Keith had texted Hunk and told him to try reaching out to Mr. Roberts for him. "He was happy to hear that you made it through the surgery. He asked if he could come visit, and I told him I'd let him know, since, you really haven't been up for visitors much."

"W-wh-what about....?" Keith's words trailed off, and he felt himself blush. 

"Oh! Yeah, I told him I'd stop by and help him out while I was here," Hunk said, guessing Keith's question correctly. "He seems to be a nice guy, plus it makes me feel like I'm being productive and all."

Keith smiled at him. Hunk offered Keith the bag of croissants, but Keith shook his head, leaning back into his pillows. Hunk sighed. "You should try to eat at some point, though. Food will do you some good. And...and you don't have to be embarrassed to talk to me."

Keith turned his head, looking instead at Shiro, who was still asleep. Shiro had been so good the past couple days. He'd been right by Keith's side, and Keith was pretty sure he hadn't left the hospital at all aside from the night he was in ICU. 

Hunk waited, but Keith didn't say anything more to him. He heard Hunk sigh. "Well Pidge is texting me," he announced. "Apparently she is going into the school that Shiro works at today for her guest speaker duties. I'm gonna have to take her." He stood up, and Keith felt him squeeze his shoulder. "Take it easy on yourself, Keith. Don't forget all that you've gone through already. You made it through hell, and you're still here."

Keith finally looked at him again. Hunk smiled and held up his fist. Keith fist bumped him in return. 

"Eat," Hunk said again, and with a wave, he left.

* * *

When Keith woke up again, the room was brighter. Shiro was no longer asleep in the recliner. Allura and Lance were in his room instead, talking about something. Allura sat on his bed, and Lance stood by the window.

"I still find it fascinating," Allura was saying, brushing her long hair back over her shoulder. "You humans have found such interesting ways to entertain yourselves." She noticed Keith was awake, and her face brightened. "Keith!"

Keith couldn't help but smile. "I told you we would wake him," Lance sighed. "I was telling Allura about roller coasters. She's still going on about the Ferris Wheel."

Keith chuckled. "Wh-where's....Shiro?" he asked. The words came out a little easier this time.

Allura and Lance both grinned. Perhaps they noticed his words as well. He had refused to speak to anyone aside from Shiro the day before. "We sent him home, to take a shower and eat," Lance said. "I figured you would appreciate if he didn't smell."

"Lance," Allura said exasperatedly. She turned to Keith. "You're looking better, today," she noted. "Does it hurt much?"

"N-not...not....really," Keith said. He sighed and closed his eyes, willing himself to keep calm. The doctors had told him yesterday that stress and anxiety could make it worse. But how was he not supposed to be stressed when he could barely talk?

Allura took his hand. "Shiro explained to us what happened," she said, smiling sadly. "He said that it will get better, but it might take a little time. I know it must be frustrating for you. Is that why you didn't want to see us yesterday?"

Keith couldn't help but feel guilty now. He just nodded.

"Come on, man." Lance sat down next to him. "You survived them cutting open your head and pulling a brain tumor out. That's pretty amazing in itself. You need to cut yourself some slack."

"Lance is right, though, I wouldn't have used those words," Allura sighed. "What was it that Shiro used to say? Patience yields focus. You need to be patient with yourself, Keith. You survived a hard surgery. We...we almost lost you. It's a blessing that you are alive. We were all so very frightened for you."

Keith sighed, feeling his throat constrict with tears. He knew they were right. He remembered the fear he felt when he thought he was dying. He had wanted nothing more than to live. He just wanted to be able to see Shiro again, and his friends again, and have a chance to live the life they had dreamed of. For whatever reason, he had been given a second chance at life. Even though he had believed for so long that he was worthless, and he deserved nothing. Even though he had ran away. Even though he had pushed his friends away when he needed them. He was still given another chance. Shiro was there, and Allura, and Lance, and Hunk and Pidge- they were all still there.

And he was alive.

* * *

Shiro moved as quickly as he could, afraid to be away from the hospital for too long. He took the quickest shower of his life, throwing on the first pair of pants and shirt he found. Hunk had made a bunch of meals and stuck them in the fridge, and Shiro made a mental note to thank him for it. It was so weird, being in his apartment alone now. It felt so empty without Keith there. It didn't even feel like home anymore.

Because Keith was his home.

After hurriedly eating his microwaved food, Shiro headed out the door and took the drive back to the hospital. He hoped that Keith was doing okay. He'd been so upset yesterday. He could only imagine how scary and frustrating it must be for him. Keith was stubborn, and hated being perceived as weak. He took comfort in being able to hide or pretend he was okay, as much as Shiro hated it. But this was something that Keith couldn't hide. Shiro would have to try and do his best to try and remind Keith to be calm and patient. He was just happy that Keith was alive. He would do whatever he needed to make Keith okay again. He would do anything for Keith.

When Shiro returned to Keith's room, he was happy to see Keith awake. Allura and Lance were talking animatedly and Keith was watching them with a small smile on his face. When he noticed Shiro standing there, he smiled even more widely, and it melted Shiro's heart.

"You're awake," Shiro said, walking up to his bedside and kissing Keith's forehead gently. "How are you?"

"I'm....o-okay," Keith said, smiling uncertainly. "I'm...gl...glad you're h-here."

Shiro wanted to cry. Keith had barely tried to speak at all yesterday; the fact that he was speaking in front of them all willingly was already a huge improvement.

"We were planning a trip to the amusement park when Keith is feeling better!" Allura said brightly. "Lance has promised!"

"I didn't promise anything," Lance said, crossing his arms.

Keith chuckled. "Y-you d-did."

"See?" Allura said, grinning.

Keith looked at Shiro, and the uncertainty was still there. But he smiled. He was trying.

Shiro had never been more proud in his life.

"I love you," Shiro whispered to Keith, and Keith looked relieved, as if he had been afraid that Shiro wouldn't love him anymore. 

"I l-love....you," Keith replied, and Shiro was crying again, but this time, because he was happy. He was so happy that Keith was there, and he was alive, and Shiro was able to hear those words from him again. Shiro buried his face into Keith's bed, and he felt Keith stroke his hair. For a moment in that waiting room, Shiro had really believed that Keith was gone. That he had gone somewhere that Shiro couldn't save him from. Shiro never, ever wanted to feel that kind of fear and pain again. He would forever hold Keith close to him. He didn't care what happened, or what else the future would try to throw at them. He loved Keith, and that was all that mattered.

"I think Lance wanted to get a soda," Allura said pointedly, standing up. Lance started to say "No I-" but Allura grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the room. 

"You sh-shouldn't....." Keith sounded sad. Shiro looked up at him, and Keith wiped his tears. 

"I'm just happy you're here with me," Shiro whispered. "I was so scared...for a moment...w-when I saw you...." Shiro shook his head, not wanting the image in his head. 

"I...." Keith took a deep breath. "I didn't....I didn't w-want to leave you."

"I know," Shiro whispered. 

"You." Keith smiled softly, his hand on Shiro's face. "You....saved me."

Shiro didn't think it was possible to cry any more tears, but more came as he clasped Keith's hand, wishing he could hold him but afraid of hurting him. 

"You re...reminded me," Keith said, and Shiro could tell how much effort was going into his words. "You......reminded me...of wh-why...I wanted t-to live."

Keith was crying now too, and Shiro couldn't find the words to say what he felt in his heart. He kissed Keith instead, their tears mixing together. He remembered what it felt like to see Keith in that bar all those weeks ago. They had both been different. They'd both been empty. Shiro had been alive, but hollow. He'd been surrounded by friends but alone. Keith had been alone, living in belief he didn't deserve to be loved or wanted. But then they had found each other. Shiro had reminded Keith of what it meant to be loved. And Keith had reminded Shiro of what it meant to give love. They had found what they had both been missing in each other. They had survived. They had survived it all, somehow. 

And they were going to be okay. 

That afternoon, they got Keith out of bed again. He walked a couple more steps, a bit steadier this time. The doctors and nurses were all very pleased, and even Keith looked happy.

Every small improvement was an accomplishment, and Shiro let him know it.

They kept Keith in the hospital for four more days. His speech was improving, and he was able to walk short distances, though he needed help. His doctors assigned him to a physical therapist, as well as a speech therapist. He was less than thrilled when the doctors suggested he get a walking cane, but they eventually talked him into the idea. He was definitely excited to go home, though. Pidge and Hunk stayed back at the apartment 'to get it ready', and Allura and Lance helped to get Keith's things together and ride along with them home from the hospital. Shiro decided to let Lance drive, so he could sit in the back with Keith and keep and eye on him. Their hands were clasped as they sat next to each other, watching the city pass them by. Shiro had felt the need to always have Keith's hand is his these past few days. It was comforting to him, and Keith didn't seem to mind. 

"We're going home," Shiro whispered, and Keith smiled and leaned on Shiro as Allura and Lance argued about Lance's driving in the front seat. 

"Welcome home!" Pidge and Hunk yelled excitedly, as soon as Allura opened the door. They had decorated the apartment with balloons and streamers, with a seemingly homemade 'Welcome home Keith' banner hanging on the wall. 

Keith smiled, and Shiro let him leave the safety of his arms to hug Pidge and Hunk.

"I knew you could do it," Pidge cried tearfully. "You're too damn stubborn."

"I wasn't worried at all," Hunk said, though they all knew that was a lie. 

Lance joined in on their hug, and Allura said, "Be careful, you guys!" but she was smiling. Keith was laughing, or perhaps crying, or perhaps both. They finally released him from their hugs, and Allura swept in, hugging him tightly. 

"I made snacks!" Hunk announced, and Lance and Pidge cheered, running over to the table to grab food. Allura waited for Shiro to take Keith in his arms before joining them. They ate their snacks and sat on the couches, making plans of things they wanted to do together. It felt so good to make plans. It felt so good at have Keith with them to make them. 

Keith started to doze off after about an hour, so Shiro made him leave the party and retreat into the quietness of their room. He helped Keith into bed, propping him up on pillows and making sure he was comfortable. 

"Do you need anything?" Shiro asked him. 

Keith smiled tiredly at him. "Y-yeah," he answered. "I need....you. Here." He patted the bed next to him. 

Shiro grinned and climbed onto the bed, scooting in carefully. Keith rested his head on Shiro's chest, closing his eyes. Shiro kissed the top of his head, and it felt so good to just lay there with Keith in his arms. 

"A-are you...." Keith voice trailed off, and he tried again. "Are you ready, for...our boring l-life?"

Shiro chuckled. "My life will never be boring with you."

"Hm." Keith looked up at him. "It m-may not be as....perfect...as we wanted."

Shiro kissed him softly on the lips. "That's okay," he whispered. "I'm okay with imperfection."

Keith smiled, resting his head on Shiro's chest again, and fell asleep.  

 

 EPILOGE

Shiro waited impatiently for the traffic to move. It was the holiday season in Seattle, and the streets had been jam-packed ever since Thanksgiving had passed as people were frantically trying to do all of their holiday shopping. Shiro had the next couple weeks off from work, since the college was on break, though he had been working on finishing his outlines for the spring semester. But he'd been able to be home a lot more, and that was something he enjoyed. Keith hadn't returned to work, though Mr. Roberts' auto shop wasn't struggling; Mr. Roberts loved to rave about how amazing Hunk was as a mechanic. 

Keith's surgery was just over ten weeks ago. Ten weeks seemed like such a short time, yet a long time. Keith was still working every day to recover. He had gained a lot of his strength back, though still wasn't back to where he used to be. His speech had improved greatly. Mostly, he struggled whenever he would get upset or frustrated. There were good days and bad days. Other things had surfaced in the past few weeks. His short term memory suffered, which meant there were a lot of random post it notes around the apartment. He'd had a couple seizures as well, and although the medication seemed to have them under control, Shiro still worried, and hated leaving Keith alone for too long. 

Things were far from perfect, but they were dealing with it. They made the best out of what they were given. And what they were given was a second chance. Perhaps it was actually their third or fourth by now- Shiro wasn't sure. But he was forever grateful for every day he had with Keith by his side. Even the bad ones. Because he loved Keith even on the very worst of days. That was the one thing in his life that he was sure of. 

Finally, Shiro arrived back at their apartment. The air was very cold in the December night, but Shiro didn't mind. He was too excited to feel it. He willed the elevator to move faster has he made his way up to their floor, Keith's early Christmas present wriggling in his arms. 

"We're almost there," he said, patting the little dog's head. He'd started searching for the perfect dog a couple weeks ago, trying to find the one that just sort of fit with them. He'd had to travel to a shelter nearly an hour away to find this little guy, but Shiro had been sure as soon as he saw him that he was perfect. 

Finally he reached their apartment. Allura swung the door open before he even had a chance to unlock it. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at the tiny dog in Shiro's arms. 

"Oh my goodness," she squealed. "It's adorable!"

"Where is he?" Shiro asked, peaking around her shoulder. 

"In the bedroom, taking a nap," she said, letting Shiro in. Lance was watching TV, and looked around at Shiro as he walked in. 

"You got him!" he said excitedly, and Shiro put his finger to his lips. 

"Oh yeah!" Lance said in a whisper-yell. 

A christmas tree sat in the corner, next to the shelf with all of Shiro's photographs. Allura had been excited to help them decorate for Christmas, and had already decorated her and Lance's place as well. Pidge and Hunk had also come over when they decorated, and together they had each made their own ornament for their tree. 

"How was he?" Shiro asked as he let Allura and Lance pet the puppy. 

"Good," Lance said, smiling. "He started to get worried about you, though, since it was taking you so long. Allura distracted him for a bit by making him help her make cookies. He just went to lay down a little while ago."

"Thanks for hanging out here," Shiro told them gratefully. He looked down at their new little family member. "Do you want to go meet someone special?"

The puppy yipped at him, and Allura squealed.

"He's so _cute_!"

"We're not getting a puppy, Allura."

"I wasn't even thinking of that! But that's a great idea!"

Shiro chuckled  and headed towards the bedroom. He pushed open the door. Keith was on his side, his eyes closed. The scar from his surgery was still there, but no longer as noticeable. His hair was growing in again, and Keith was excited. He wanted his mullet back. 

"Okay," Shiro whispered to the puppy, and let it go on the bed. It ran up to Keith excitedly, wagging its tail and licking Keith's face. Keith woke up with a start, confused. 

"What-?"

He rolled on his back as the puppy jumped on his chest playfully. 

"H-Hello," he said, and then looked up at Shiro, who smiled. 

"Early Merry Christmas," Shiro told him, and Keith broke out into a ridiculously big grin. 

"He's o-ours?" he said excitedly, sitting up and pulling the puppy into his arms. 

"That's right." Shiro sat down on the bed. "I had to travel quite a bit away to get him, too. But I felt like you two would be perfect for one another."

Keith held the puppy out and studied him. He was some kind of terrier mix, according the shelter Shiro had gotten him at. His ears perked up in excitement. 

"Scruffy," Keith said, and Shiro laughed. 

"Scruffy?"

"Yep, that's his name," Keith decided. "He's scruffy...like me."

Shiro chuckled. "I take it you like him?"

Keith grinned and kissed Shiro. "I love him. Thank you."

He let the puppy down on the floor and they watched him jump around excitedly. "Can we take him for a walk?" Keith asked, looking at Shiro hopefully. 

"It's cold out," Shiro told him. 

"Just a sh-short walk?" Keith pushed. 

Shiro sighed. "I guess. But we'll have to dress warm. We might need to get him a coat as well, being so small."

Keith laughed. "Deal."

He took Shiro's hand in his and pulled him off the bed, Scruffy the puppy dancing excitedly around their feet, and Shiro was reminded for the millionth time of the fact that he was completely and hopelessly in love with Keith Kogane. 

-End-

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly so sad this is over <3 I loved writing this story so much. It's hard to let it go :( part of me wants to write a sequel (to deal with the aftermath of Keith's condition, as well as have all the paladins move to Seattle for my domestic Seattle Voltron dreams aha). But I haven't decided yet! 
> 
> I have a couple ideas for new stories as well, keep and eye out!. (Though they are also pretty emotional ^^; one I plan on trying to get out in the next couple days is about Shiro seeing's Keith's 'ghost' in his dreams so that should be fun T.T)
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has read this story! In the beginning I wanted to stop because I felt like no body liked it or was reading....but those of you who have kept me going, and I'm so happy that I kept up with it. If you left a kudos or bookmark or a comment even if it was only one...thank you <3 
> 
> A BIG SHOUTOUT to Callaeidae3 for commenting consistently every chapter and being such a big support when I was writing. Reading your comments every day really helped me so much, you have no idea! The idea that you even decided to create artwork for this story (which I'm not kidding in saying is a really a dream come true for me) is so amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYS and I hope to see/hear from you again <3 
> 
> You can follow me on twitter/tumblr/instagram @ shinyhunterkate <3


End file.
